This is a question I ask myself constantly: Am I TRULY leading a life that makes me accessible to the will of my Heavenly Father? He cannot reach me through a wall of bitterness. There must always be hope. The veil of mortality is hard enough. Howard W. Hunter said:
“Not only should we be careful not to deprive others of blessings because of our wanderings in the wastelands of self-pity or self-recrimination, but we should be careful not to deprive ourselves of other blessings that could be ours. While waiting for promised blessings, one should not mark time, for to fail to move forward is to some degree a retrogression. Be anxiously engaged in good causes, including your own development.[2]
Howard W. Hunter
When I was 14, my mom and dad
decided that I should probably lift my eyes from the Little House on the Prairie book series and get some social skills.
I wasn't a pretty girl. More "Laura" than "Mary" if you
know what I mean and if you don't, that's okay, but if you do...don't you just
love those books? I was thick through the middle and very creative from all the
reading. Because of the "in-house" training, I had received, taking
Home Economics in high school seemed kind of redundant. My parents prayed to
know what kinds of classes would help me bring my eyes up and out of a book.
They signed me up for both drama and debate. Both classes lifted me to a place
I can't fully describe. It was as if God had used his master key and had opened
a gate for me that lead down a path clearly marked "GO THIS WAY."
So I did.
No surprise, those classes did lift
me out of the Wisconsin wilderness. Those teachers taught me how to speak out
loud without fear. Unremarkably, I now have degrees in both subjects.
Unremarkably, I have been able to teach and direct thousands of young people as
they come through my classroom looking for their tribe like I did back in 1978.
Working in conjunction with The Spirit, my parents gave me a life.
It
was back in 2010 that I was asked to address a group of mid-single Latter-day
Saints at a fireside. The assigned topic was to inspire the crowd to keep
taking faithful actions toward creating a celestial family. My husband and I
had been married about 4 years by then and I felt, for the first time,
completely out of place in the crowd. I was terrified. And yet - I knew exactly
where their hearts were. I was in the throws of miscarriages and every day was
a struggle to stay faithful. H
More
women than men of course. I spoke of my past and how difficult it was as a
single person to plan for my future because I wanted to make sure I was
“available” in case Heavenly Father dropped a worthy priesthood holder in my
lap. General laugh from the audience. I explained our crazy story and that my
husband had indeed been in my life nearly every day but I just needed to be
patient and do it all on God’s time. Blah, blah, blah...could I have been any
more cliche?
I
spoke of the miscarriages and the faith it took to keep trying when we would
rather spend our money on a trip to Hawaii. But time was not our friend and
Hawaii would always be there. More general laughing from the audience.
Then
I had a moment - you probably know the kind - it feels as if someone else has
taken over your thoughts. I guess the world would say I “spoke from the
heart.” I went off script which I never do. But the Spirit was so strong and I
was willing to say what He needed me to say. It was as if He was pushing me
aside and taking the podium.
He
told them to fight loneliness which was Satan’s weapon of choice when he was
around them. Stay near family. Put ward friendships on your priority list.
Invite people into your home. Go to your ward outings. Initiate fun. Initiate
big goals. Initiate service...
And then the word initiate came out
of my mouth a dozen times or more. It was a big idea and I could not stop it.
My mind was racing! It was right then that I realized an important truth had
been given to all of us:
Do not wait for anything that you
can initiate yourself.
It wasn’t tricky or deep in any way.
I hadn’t written it down but I knew it to be true.
The secret to fighting loneliness
isn’t having patience by waiting for life to come to you - it’s initiating the
fight.
I
got an email from a fabulous woman that was teaching adjunct Tap Dance at
Brigham Young University. I felt as I was reading the email that she needed me.
She needed to be involved in a musical I was working on at the time, even
though she had missed auditions by just a few days. I felt the Spirit punch me.
I wrestled with Him for a minute; I didn’t know her, she hadn’t auditioned, I
didn’t know if she could do anything but tap dance. Could she even sing, what
if she had a giant green nose and three eyeballs? What if she wasn’t telling
the truth? But I could feel the Spirit in her words. It was honest. It was
sweet. It was unmistakable.
She
said:
“Hi
Jan! My name is Teri*. I saw that you are the Director of the
Hairspray show at the Scera in June, is this correct? So exciting!!!... I have never officially
been in a Musical, but I really want to start! ...I was SO sad that I just
barely missed the cutoff for your Hairspray show auditions! I don't really know how everything works or
how you choose extras in the show...But I'd totally LOVE to just be a
background dancer and do whatever you need to get my foot in the door! I’d love
to just come and watch the whole process happen. I won’t get in the way, I
promise. Hahaha, I teach dance at BYU currently. I have danced since I was 3 years old…”
She
gave me her California background which included decades of dance training and
a few private voice lessons. It was a two-page email! It made me laugh and
think. No one had ever opened themselves up like that to me after auditions had
already closed.
She
ended with:
“Let me know
your thoughts!... I have performed in so many dance shows over the years, but
never an official full Musical. Or if
someone drops out or gets injured I would love to be considered! Thanks!
She
was putting herself out there and was willing to come and watch rehearsals just
to be involved somehow. I thought that was very brave. So one full minute into
my argument with the Spirit, and without consulting
with my other artistic staff I wrote:
Dear Teri –
I love that you sent this!!!... I want to involve you of
course! The show has been cast but can I add you to the ensemble? You would
need to come to rehearsals this week. Let me know what you think.
Teri
responded:
Really??? That would
be amazing!!! What times are the
rehearsals?... I want to be in this show soooooo badly so I'm going to do
everything I can to make it all work!!!
Thank you!
Because
I was involved in two shows at the same time, I wasn’t able to meet her in
person but I told her that I would make the right connections for her and that
she should just show up to rehearsal. I had never done this before.
I
emailed my choreographer and I said,
“I know…I’m
insane…I don’t even know who she is, but The Spirit punched me on this one and
I just think she needs to be in the show…” (Working with other members of the
church makes it easy to speak Latter-day Saint in times like these.)
I
told her the whole story and apologized for not even consulting with her about
it. After Teri’s first rehearsal my choreographer emailed me back:
“Teri came
to rehearsal tonight and she is fantastic. She is everything she said she is.
She learns the dances instantly. She’s smiley and we already love her.”
Well
the next day, I happened across my new Facebook friend, Teri’s post from her
perspective. Let me summarize it:
She
wrote that she was so tired of playing the single game and she wanted to get
off the dating wagon for a while and just enjoy her life. (She’s a genuine Lady
in Waiting!) She had spent hours and hours on her knees pleading with the Lord
to help her find something to do that would take her mind off the fact that she
was lonely and tired of dating. She ran across a paper that was a few weeks
old, announcing auditions for a local community theatre musical. She was
disappointed that she had missed the auditions by just a few days. Still, she
felt impressed by the Spirit to contact the director of the play (me) and find
out if there was still room for her. She explained in the Facebook post that
The Spirit was very strong and she was very nervous to put herself out there
for that kind of rejection. (Ladies in Waiting know the stabbing pain of
rejection all too well.) She explained in the Facebook post that the director
answered her Facebook message with “let’s
get you in the show.” She talked about her first rehearsal and how everyone
was so nice and she was able to get caught up very quickly. She bore her testimony on Facebook that God
sees her, hears her, and “validates her
righteous desires in miraculous ways.”
I
read the Facebook post with reverence for the process at which God works. He
works through us. If our channels are tuned to Him, we get those messages loud
and clear. If we act on those promptings, WE CREATE amazing paths for each
other. I firmly believe that this is a kind of service that we do for each
other. My life doesn’t allow me to make quilts, sit with the sick and afflicted
or any of those other signature service opportunities that I see others doing.
But I can listen to The Spirit. By keeping ourselves worthy to see and hear
The Spirit, we open paths that God can walk. We create bridges over obstacles
that God needs us to build so that He can answer your prayers, make those
connections for you, and create your specific journey.
I
have often looked back on my life and laughed as I have seen the hand of God in
retrospect in my life. Identifying His presence in our lives will increase our
trust in Him. Only then, we can tell our wayward children, friends, and
disbelievers that it’s indeed God Himself who is in the details because we are
able to look back and see it for ourselves.
If
it’s not God, then who? (Rhetorical!)
I
watched Teri at rehearsal, with her new friends and stellar confidence and I
see her confidence in the Spirit because she trusts God. She went to him with
an aching need. He came to me with her aching need. I felt it. I acted on it. I
created a bridge over a simple thing like a missed audition because He asked me
to. I have learned that ignoring those Spiritual nudges, punches, (I have to be
punched most times) never works out for anyone’s good, especially my own. I
needed Teri’s example AND the bonus is she added SOOOO much to our show!
So
in addition to that admonition about listening to The Spirit, I learned another
great lesson from Teri. She isn’t sitting home waiting for her life to come to
her. She is creating her life! She is discovering new things, building new
friendships, keeping her mind and body going, and having the time of her life. I
get to see it every night. What an incredible example she has become to me (and
she helped me with the tap dance number backstage one day and I needed it
b.a.d.l.y.)
I
will remind us all that the general population will tell us to go and get
another hobby, and that’s fine, but within the life that we already live can we
celebrate singularity, help others, do something you always said you would, and
don’t forget to continually bear testimony to yourself.
Here’s
a warning from just me - another waiter: Do not clutter up your life. Keep it
simple. I’m the living breathing example of someone that spent too many years
with too much to do and the relationships around me became secondary to the
JOBS LIST that I had in my day planner. This is SATAN. I know now that I need
to keep my life centered on my Heavenly Father by emulating Jesus Christ. I
don’t need 12,000 things to do. I only need to feel productive (Maslow!) We
will all feel that in a different way. When productivity feels like a prison and
takes you away from relationships, that is Satan working hard to divert your
attention from what will ultimately put you on the path of true happiness.
Shout
out again to my friend Justin who says:
“The good
news is, when it comes to the church, I feel like the church organization and
members of the church are doing better and better when it comes to how they
treat us “mid-singles." I’ve been really impressed with how I’ve been
treated in the church since I turned 32 and had to leave the YSA program behind
and return to a “conventional ward.” I’ve never felt disrespected or excluded
because I’m that “weird single dude, who must have something wrong with him
because he’s not married." Instead, it’s been the exact opposite. In both
wards I’ve been in since leaving the YSAs, I’ve served as the elders quorum
president and have never felt like less of a person because I’m not married.
People talk to me, include me, and rely on me to serve. Women try to set me up
with their daughters and single friends too, which is helpful and appreciated.
Good things are happening in our church culture.”
I
love this! Get up. Get out. Listen. Serve. Try. It applies to all of us.
Chapter 13 Recipe
The recipe is perfect for a giant party. Crepes can be made ahead and then everyone
comes to the party with an ingredient to put inside the crepes. The Shelton
family celebrates Spring strawberries with a crepe night for Family Home
Evening. Just sayin’. Come on over, and bring whipped cream. We always run out
of whipped cream.
Crepes for a Crowd
In
a BIG blender combine:
4 cups milk
3 cups flour
4 T sugar
1/3 cup vegetable oil
½ tsp vanilla
4 eggs
Blend until smooth - about 1 minute.
(The batter should be about the viscosity of maple syrup.)
In a non-stick frying pan, sprayed
with non-stick spray, pour about ⅓ cup batter and move the pan around until the
batter covers the bottom of the pan. Turn it over with a spatula when the edges
appear golden brown.
Fill with anything and everything!
Here’s a checklist so that you can
make assignments for your party:
❏
Cream Cheese Frosting (from chapter
11!)
❏
Nutella
❏
Bananas
❏
Strawberries
❏
Blueberries
❏
Blackberries
❏
Peaches
❏
Chocolate Chips
❏
Butterscotch Chips
❏
Marshmallows
❏
Shredded Coconut
❏
Powdered Sugar
❏
Peanut Butter
❏
Whipped Cream
❏
Nuts
❏
Caramel Topping
❏
Sprinkles
❏
Jams of every kind
The
bucket list isn’t just for old people.
If
we could choose to live in any period of time it is NOW! Even though there is
staggering political chaos and constant economic uncertainty we have so much!
Imagine a hundred years ago even when laundry was done by hand and bread was
baked at home...every day. I imagine that singularity was a curse back then and
despite it feeling like a curse sometimes now, it doesn’t have to be. We have
incredible options.
Make
a bucket list right here: (I’ll start it for you)
- Attend
a temple that isn’t on your continent
- Eat
your favorite food in the country of its origin
- Take a community education class in a subject that you
have always wanted to learn (for me, its painting)
Your
turn -
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.
16.
17.
18.
19.
20.
[1] Your Celestial
Guide, Sharon G. Larsen, Ensign, May
2001
[2] “The Church is
for All People,” Howard W. Hunter, Ensign, June 1989
