tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-69396820888321274082023-06-07T05:15:51.391-06:00Other People's KidsAdjusting my grip.JanHunsakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15091794687144885749noreply@blogger.comBlogger118125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6939682088832127408.post-70675516598503761502020-07-09T19:34:00.004-06:002020-07-09T19:37:27.870-06:00Covid is like an onion...I am reading a lot about Covid now from a whole new perspective. Of course, there was a reason why Andy got tested in the first place -he felt lousy, and then one morning he had a temperature. In the days following I have been checking off the symptoms as they have arrived.<div><br /></div><div>We both started off with temperatures and that has remained steady for all of Andy's 7 days. We check it in the morning and again at night. 100.5 is pretty average. It goes up and down a little. I suspected that it wouldn't stick around. We've done cold showers, Tylenol. </div><div><br /></div><div>The burning chest. Ah! That's been hard for me but Andy hasn't had any of that. He describes it as a "heavy chest" but it didn't last long. I feel like a human water heater. I need that part to stop. Why won't that stop? Feels like I'm having heart attack all day long. </div><div><br /></div><div>The next symptom is a sore throat, ears and glands. Painful. Andy has pushed through most of that and I'm a few days behind. I sound better today. You know when you swallow and stretch to try to pop your ears to relieve pressure? I try to do that all day. </div><div><br /></div><div>Andy lost his sense of smell and taste on day 3. Still gone. </div><div><br /></div><div>The exhaustion is hard for Andy. I've been able to move except for yesterday. I even did the dishes a few days ago. The joint pain is weirdly specific to areas that I already have arthritis like my hands and ankles and it's strange to have painful elbows! So weird!</div><div><br /></div><div><div>Yesterday's big symptom was/is the confusion. The brain fog is...foggy. Thank goodness for spell check.</div><div> </div></div><div>Today the nausea came in. The fire has moved lower in my torso and I connect this with how I feel when I get migraines and I throw up. It feels like that today. Surprise! My temperature is 100.1 right now.</div><div><br /></div><div>Everyone suggests that you sleep on your stomach to take the weight off your chest - but I have tried to do this and I just can't breathe. My sinuses are so impacted that I have to sleep half sitting up. Just seems like something new every day. I don't think there is anything else on the list, though. Tomorrow will be a better day. I feel like we have been through the worst of it. We didn't get a bad case (we aren't hospitalized), nor a mild case - we just got it. And it isn't one-bit fun because it's a new symptom every day.</div><div><br /></div><div>****</div><div><br /></div><div>Speaking of pain...I have been reading about going back to school. I want to know if once we go through this we are immune. Some of the things I've read say "yes," and some say "yes for a couple of weeks" and some say "You will need to be tested for antibodies periodically." I'm hoping for 100% immunity, baby! I would love to have that freedom. But I also get a flu shot every year for the traditional flu "just in case." So as soon as they have a vaccine, I'm also willing to be vaccinated as many times as I need to be. Hahaha... I worry that there are those in society that aren't willing to be vaccinated for anything...ever. Hmmmm. Freedom has many layers. </div><div><br /></div><div>I know that with any new disease our scientists are doing their best to figure it out as quickly as they can. The traditional deadline for school to start again is coming. I don't feel like teaching theatre online is optimal. Haha. The things we teach - teamwork, listening, focus, courage, problem-solving, critical thinking, etc... isn't done from a computer screen. We need to perform. We need characters to develop - stories to build and tell. </div><div><br /></div><div>And if I'm immune - I'm lucky, right? We've paid the price to have some kind of sense of safety. But are we? My classroom is big. Really big. I can scrub my tables down after each class period. I can be careful. But I was SOOOOO careful NOT to get Covid. I was the poster child for mask-wearing and hand washing. And what about my colleagues that teach in half my space? </div><div><br /></div><div>If I decide to do a traditional performance assessment (a play) and my audiences come with their homemade masks on, how can I be certain they will keep those masks on for two hours? Is that a new job I want to take on, "mask police?" How will I sustain my program? Can I live with the chance that Covid could get to one of our beloved sets of grandparents or someone that is compromised in any way? Is that their fault, or mine? Sheesh...so much to think about. </div><div><br /></div><div>Hmmm...how are we going to do this?</div><div><br /></div><div>Last thought...now we know for sure that if a teacher got sick during the school year they would be out for about 2 weeks. First, you have to get enough symptoms to be able to be tested, then you go through it, then you have to test negative to get back to work. This is a great time for any of you that would like to try substitute teaching to give it a try. I think we will need a lot of subs this year and it won't be just for just a day or two. </div><div><br /></div><div>BUT - if you take a drama class at Salem or Spanish Fork - you can be assured that you won't get Covid from your teacher. Hahahahaha.... at least that's what they're telling us...today. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>JanHunsakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15091794687144885749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6939682088832127408.post-6984153738124956932020-07-08T15:37:00.002-06:002020-07-08T15:38:29.822-06:00Covid 19 - Day 4, Exhaustion and Brain FogWhen I had the very first sign of Covid, I thought "come and get me - let's get this over with." <div><br /></div><div>The first few days were uncomfortable, heavy chest, sore throat, but I didn't have a fever. </div><div><br /></div><div>The fever is everything. </div><div><br /></div><div>I haven't had a fever in my adult life that I remember. And it's not a high fever -just a steady 100. But three days of it is wearing me down and now I'm having a hard time finding a full sentence and spelling simple words, just typing this...taking unbelievable concentration.</div><div><br /></div><div>I have had a hard time sleeping the past few days but I have been asleep 17 hours today. Andy said my mom called. Don't remember it. Sorry mom. A nurse from the state called us both to remind us to stay inside. That's nice. I can barely climb the stairs. I don't think she asked us how we were. She didn't gather any information Andy said. </div><div><br /></div><div>That's the funny thing about something new, the only instructions we have gotten are "take Tylentol and stay home. If it gets bad, you can go into an ER" What does bad mean? </div><div><br /></div><div>I would not wish this on anyone - except Trump. I don't want him to die - just to know. </div><div><br /></div><div>We are watching "Alone" on Hulu. It's pretty good. I'm in and out. But when I'm actually awake I just keep wishing I could stand up and shower. I stink.</div>JanHunsakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15091794687144885749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6939682088832127408.post-75831427420310740422020-07-06T22:37:00.000-06:002020-07-06T22:37:56.029-06:00Day Two of Covid 19 - It's ConfirmedJust got the test results back. That was just a 36-hour turnover. They told me it would be 3 - 5 days and it was much sooner. So that's good. I'm so grateful for those people on the front lines. We are so lucky that we have a way to find out if we really have this stupid prickly virus <div><br /></div><div>Seeing the test result "SARS-COV2 POSITIVE" really takes your breath away. Too soon?</div><div><br /></div><div>I mean, I saw Andy's result and I felt wiped out but seeing my own is conflicting because I want to take care of Andy. It's so shocking even though I sort of knew. I kept saying, all night, "maybe it's a false positive for Andy and we just have bad colds." Then 2 for 2. Whaaat?!</div><div><br /></div><div>Let's talk about the quick evolution:</div><div><br /></div><div>Andy - Andy is only 41 so maybe his reaction so far, when he got tested on July 2 haven't been too scary (except for seeing the initial test results! Ha!) His biggest complaint is that he can't move. He also can't smell anything. His insides are imbalanced. He is dizzy. His eyes hurt. That's interesting. I have that too. He has a dry cough but it isn't too bad yet. We are actors and vocal teachers and we tell our kids all the time - "don't cough if you can help it!" So that is our habit - but there is a point where you just have to let it out - however, with Covid, nothing happens and the pay-off is that it BURNS like a son-of-a b***h. </div><div><br /></div><div>I am 55. I am in good health, and Andy and I have been running around the junior high track every day. I feel stronger than I have ever been in my life. However, the little stoker's in my chest are just like "you should have taken care of yourself BEFORE you hit 50, you idiot." 30 years of teaching, never going to the doctor. My lungs are shot. This is day two or three - I think - my chest feels like an inferno and I sound like a 75-year-old lady who sits on the porch of her single-wide and smokes cigars all day. </div><div><br /></div><div>One thing is that has been just incredible in the last 24 hours is the ARMY of support that our neighborhood, friends and co-workers have assembled. We were given a list of neighbors that are taking over dinner and yesterday we had incredible teriyaki chicken and tonight we had hot homemade rolls and chicken noodle soup that melted in our mouths. So if you want to eat well - just get the virus! (I'm not serious here) I should videotape the opening of the front door after the doorbell ditch. It's like Christmas. Just minutes ago another beautiful neighbor doorbell ditched a pulse oximeter AND warm brownies. S.T.I.L.L. W.A.R.M. Shut. the. front. door. (Quickly.)</div><div><br /></div><div>Because we feel oxygen deprived it was great to know, through the pulse oximeter, that we are not. When I first got tested it was 87% - "a solid B+" Andy said. I went as low as 82% but then figured out that if I took a deep breath I could get it to 95. SOOOOO... I will do the breathing exercises that several friends have sent me. I need to keep moving. It makes me take deeper breaths. There has been so much incredible advice. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.</div><div><br /></div><div>We have also been able to Venmo our friends and send them to the store for us. THANK YOU FRIENDS and THANK YOU VENMO, we didn't have to touch a single thing. The texts and outpouring of assistance you have all offered is humbling. We will take care of our debts when this is all over. Be sure of it.</div><div><br /></div><div>More reasons to wear a mask, wash your hands, stay at home, don't touch anything:</div><div><br /></div><div> 1. I really want to get things done around the house - but don't have the energy. My summer is wasting away while I cough. I tried to cut out a sewing project today and I gave up after five minutes. </div><div> 2. With Covid - I can't sleep - it's like there are bugs in your brain. I have had the world's strangest dreams. Andy too. There just isn't good sleeping or good napping and even our Ambien is standing there with its hands up in surrender. If only I could rest.</div><div> 3. Guilt. Who did I give it to while I didn't know I had it? Gah! This is the worst part. Don't live with that. STAY HOME. Invent fun stuff to do at home. We need to say "I might be a walking weapon of disease." COVID IS REAL. </div><div><br /></div><div>Things I have googled today:</div><div><br /></div><div>"If you have Covid-19, what does your oxygen level have to be at before you go to the hospital"</div><div><br /></div><div>"What over the counter drugs will help people with Covid-19" (So many different answers - we tried Dayquil - didn't touch it. We're popping cough drops, Tylenol and Vitamin C) </div><div><br /></div><div>"Best of Netflix July"</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>JanHunsakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15091794687144885749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6939682088832127408.post-46684653954381321612020-07-05T23:47:00.000-06:002020-07-05T23:47:12.818-06:00Covid 19 Arrives - Day One ITS REAL FOLKS<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When the world-wide pandemic first became a daily news item I figured it would be something that we watched from the center of the country as the coastlines dealt with it. I was fascinated by it. Having seen live animal markets in Southeast Asia on my mission, it didn't take me a full second to believe that the virus could be passed through zoonoses. Those markets are just frightening. <br /><br /><br />Then school was postponed for two weeks "out of an abundance of caution." Weird. But hurray? On that day I pulled a stack of newspaper from the faculty recycle bin to take home for the dogs (which I do sometimes) and the headline was "Utah Confirms Third Case of Covid-19." Can't say it hasn't been a pleasure to watch my dogs pee on those papers for months.<br /><br /><br />The day we left school we were smack in the middle of learning the choreography for <i>The Drowsy Chaperone</i> and I figured we could learn it from home with the videos we had taken. Brilliant cast. Just incredible. Region was the next week and we had just performed The Crucible and we were ready. We weren't in big trouble - dates would be pushed back. I could use the time to make costumes, get the posters printed, the program...etc...etc...etc... the quiet would be nice. <br /><br /><br />Then it seemed that every 24 hours the instructions changed. We got used to listening to the governor's daily press conference at 1:00. We learned to hang on every word of a woman named Angela Dunn who looks like she drinks lattes and shops at L.L. Bean. <br /><br /><br />Then they closed church. CHURCH! WHAAAAAT?!?!? Jesus take the wheel, I was convinced that The Man Himself was going to be presiding at the April General Conference of my church. He did not. Disappointing. But I'm still convinced that the Prophet, Russell M. Nelson, knows more than he can say. All the buttons to scriptural prophecies of wars, rumors of wars, plagues, and diseases were being done up.<br /><br /><br />As the numbers accelerated across the country I looked around and wondered why we weren't really taking it seriously here in the central part of the U.S. Of course, Utah is one of those fishy middle-ish states like Kentucky. Are we West? Central? North? Surely we would be fine - but I bought my toilet paper like everyone else. <br /><br /><br />Then they closed school until the end of the year. Then I filled my freezer. Thanks, Stokes in Payson. I felt as though the best use of my time was trying to get in touch with my kids and especially the kids that absolutely had not checked in online. That's a whole different post. Teaching theatre and film online...gah! <br /><br /><br />Instead of making 1920's fringy dresses, I made 150 masks for the Navajo Nation and some for my neighborhood, family, friends, colleagues...I was starting to get freaked out. I stole all the elastic out of the props room at the school after the stores ran out. Not going to apologize. We can give back. I used weird chunks of scrap fabric from the costume shop too. Those were some funky masks! I took everything the Governor and Dr. Dunn were saying to heart absolutely. <br /><br /><br />Andy and I have a cold storage room - we shelved it, re-organized it, and filled it little by little as I could find items. We also have a freeze-dryer and gardening is my crack cocaine so I now consider myself an honest to goodness "prepper in training." If anybody finds themselves dying for some strawberries or green peppers during Armageddon - we are stocked, come on over. <br /><br /><br />I digress.<br /><br /><br />Our good friend Olivia and her sweet family were moving out to Virginia and we offered to drive their extra car out there for them. SWEET ROAD TRIP. Just the two of us. Dreamy. We prepared by taking 14 masks - one new one for each day, 24 oz of hand sanitizer, Lysol wipes and spray...I felt a little nutsy, but I wanted to be prepared. Along the way, we noticed that people were here and there about mask-wearing but the further East we got, the fewer people were out. It seemed more real as we went along. <br /><br /><br />In D.C. we were basically alone. I have never been there, so it wasn't a great time to go, everything was closed, but I got to see the monuments and the incredible architecture of the Capitol, the White House (from a great distance and through chain-link fencing - he is holed up in there). We stayed in a hotel that was next to Dupont Circle and the mile-long road of international mbassies. That was amazing. Still good things to see. Mt. Vernon was open - sort of. Incredible. <br /><br /><br />We flew home. Plane was only 50% full on purpose. The restrictions and precautions we had taken to go across the country and fly home were second-nature. I'm to the point where I forget I have a mask on and when I don't have one - I'm panicked that I need one. It's like the seat belt feeling.<br /><br /><br />Andy has been taking his temperature every single day since school got out. He's obsessed a little over making sure we are not giving my 80-year-old parents COVID. We got home, and I spent the very next day making bite-sized treats for my niece's wedding shower and for the 4th of July party. My house would be full of my siblings and their families. I was pumped! I love it when there are people in the Hunsaker Hotel. It's my favorite!<br /><br /><br />Then on Thursday - Andy said he felt like crap and his temperature was 100.1. I was still non-symptomatic but life stopped. I literally screamed out loud. He drove immediately to get tested and they said it would take three to five days for results. Everything was canceled...my siblings stayed in a hotel and we waited. <br /><br /><br />Because Andy's only symptom was a temperature, I didn't get tested immediately. I had no symptoms and I thought maybe he just had a cold. Kept making food for the weekend and then while we waited, Andy got sicker. <br /><br /><br />At first, he felt weak and tired. Then his temperature went up. And down. And up again. Then more weakness and now he is couch-bound. He has a sore throat and a heavy chest. He is popping Tylenol because that is what he was told to do. And that is it. There hasn't been any more dialogue about it. We got a pamphlet from the testing site, but other than taking Tylenol, drinking water and staying home, there is nothing else we can do. I would consider it pretty mild right now. I hope it stays that way. I'll let you know!<br /><br /><br />I got tested this morning, Sunday. I woke up with a temperature of 99.5. I think everyone ought to be checking their temperatures on their own EVERY DAY. This would be very helpful. Because even if your spouse has Covid - they won't test you until you exhibit symptoms. I have had a sore throat and a heavy chest but no temp until today and I couldn't get an appointment until today.<br /><br /><br />What's hard about it? Seems like it would be fun to have a reason to shut out the world for two weeks? Are you still trying to convince yourself that it's not real, you flat earthers? Just kidding. But I know there are people that don't think it's real and to you I say - ALL THE GOOD STUFF ON NETFLIX IS OVER. <br /><br /><br />Couple of things:<br /><br /><br />1. We have been running our Couch to 5K App nearly every day this summer and now we can't go up the stairs without stopping half-way to take a breath. (And the good TV is downstairs damnit!) That is REAL. That part is, quite honestly, terrifying. If that gets worse for me tomorrow or the next day, I will get to see a doctor about getting on a steroid. I heard that's a thing. My chest, from my ears to my stomach feels like it's full of little stokers from the Titanic just flaming the fire. It is getting worse by the hour. I have two earaches and my throat is an inferno. I have a fever and it goes up and down, up and down. <br /><br /><br />2. Andy has had the varying temperature too - steady now. He tells me he feels like he has "bugs crawling on his insides." That's fun. I don't have that. (Oh please, if I can avoid that...).<br /><br /><br />3. Every joint in Andy's body aches. I'm a few days behind him, but I am noticing that my arthritic hands and feet are tightening up. So far though - I'm good there.<br /><br /><br />4. All that food storage that we organized? That will be great when we can't get food - but when you have no energy to make food - what use is it? We did let our neighborhood know about it because we are a tight group of people and they already have a meal schedule set up. Of course they do! They are incredible! At first, I felt embarrassed by it - but by 6 o'clock tonight when the Cleggs brought us gourmet teriyaki chicken, I cried. <br /><br /><br />5. We don't have our own children so we feel blessed that we aren't having to take care of other people right now and we can just take turns re-filling our water bottles for each other - but can you imagine how whole families are dealing with it? OH MY GOSH PEOPLE - we have to stay in, wear masks and check our temperatures every day. PEOPLE ARE DYING and grieving. It's just a tragedy no matter what.<br /><br /><br />We don't notice everything we touch. We have to be CRAZY AWARE of what we touch, how close we are when we are speaking to someone or how clean a restaurant table is before we sit down and put our hands on it and then rest our hands on our face. YIKES!<br /><br /><br />The flip side is - IF this Covid is a definitive one-time thing -we will get to go back to school as IMMUNE TEACHERS!!! WOOT! Have no fear signing up for a Jandy class... but that's a big IF.<br /><br /><br />Let's pray for that and for a vaccine. <br /></span>JanHunsakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15091794687144885749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6939682088832127408.post-55690012684235345942020-05-09T11:04:00.000-06:002020-05-09T11:04:39.813-06:00Ladies in Waiting 14 - Surviving (Mother's Day)<br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Caveat; font-size: 24.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Caveat; mso-fareast-font-family: Caveat;">CHAPTER 14 - Surviving the Holidays<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Laura and
Mary each had a pan, and Pa and Ma showed us how to pour the dark syrup in
little streams onto the snow.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 5;"> </span>Laura
Ingalls Wilder<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Right
after Noah died Andy and I decided to go to Disneyland. We were so naive. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In
our defense, we wanted to go to a happy place. Disneyland is Andy’s happy place
any day of the year. I can’t imagine a bigger mistake for me. We had just
buried Noah a few days before. We were still carrying that raw, open wound
around with us. I was wide-eyed like a kind of carrion bird looking for food.
Every child I saw was Noah. Every stroller and there were thousands, contained
a baby named Noah. We ate our sorrow in corn dogs, turkey legs, churros, Monte
Cristo sandwiches, bread bowls full of steaming chowder, fried chicken at
Carnation Plaza...all the reasons to go to Disneyland - we ate them. I
staggered around as if I was drunk on sadness and Dole Whip. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We
were grasping at anything that would take our minds off the recent past.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Then
that night the famous Disney parade happened while we were standing in line to
go through the ride <i>It’s A Small World</i>. The magic of the evening lights
and the music...then Mickey entered and Andy finally lost it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We
stepped out of the line so as not to scare all the little kids standing around
a 6’4” man having a sobbing breakdown in front of Mickey Mouse. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Why
can’t we have Noah here with us?” he cried.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“I
don’t know.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“I
just want to be able to bring him to Disneyland and introduce him to Mickey and
all this.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“I
know.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“It’s
just not fair that everybody gets to do it but us.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He
cried and cried. He had been putting on such a strong face for me through the
entire delivery and subsequent burial, that I thought it didn’t really affect
him. I thought he was going to be okay. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Clearly, he was not. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
wondered if Christmas was ever going to be the same for us. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It
has not. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">For
teachers, Christmas vacation is great because it gives us a much-needed break
from the drama, haha, and the classroom. The drama classrooms. So we need it -
but we’ve been groomed from birth to do things at Christmas that involve large
groups of people, parties, and pleasantries. Would we ever feel “pleasant”
again? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The
holidays present such a conundrum for our groups of waiters. There’s Christmas,
Mother’s and Father’s Day, and the horrible Valentine’s Day to get through.
Those are just the big ones. We often create other sentimental “holidays,” or
they are thrust upon us. For example, I can often forget my own wedding
anniversary but the anniversary of the death of my child is an earthquake that shakes
me for a full 24 hours year after year…after year. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Long-suffering
through a holiday is sheer torture. We’ve been groomed to believe that if we
had a companion or kids, the holidays would be <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">so much better </i>because of the matching pajamas and trips to
Disneyland.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When
I was in eighth grade I was absolutely addicted to the Little House on the
Prairie series written by Laura Ingalls Wilder. I guess I’ve always been
fascinated by survival (I love camping!) and the theme of those books is
definitely how the Ingalls family survived and thrived on the prairie in the
1800’s. In the first book <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Little House in
the Big Woods</i>, Laura and Mary learn how to make “Snow Candy.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The recipe is literally molasses and brown
sugar boiled to the hard crack stage and then dropped into the snow in “circles,
and curlicues and squiggledy things,”<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[1]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a> until it
hardened up and became candy. I think I attempted to make snow candy every
February of my life when, in Utah, we had a lot of snow. I can see my mom rolling
her eyes right now at the number of attempts I made and the sheer bottles of
molasses I went through learning what the “hard crack” stage looked like and
how not to burn myself. Candy making is not for sissies. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
outgrew the Little House series (in my 30’s!) Though I still own the book set
my parents gave me when I was in 7th Grade. I intend on reading them again when
I retire, first thing. They were a huge influence on me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Because
I also love any excuse to cook, I have found a way to survive one of America’s
worst excuses for a holiday - Valentine's Day. No, my survival strategy isn’t
eating myself through Kneaders Bakery. That doesn’t make me feel better just
bloated and guilty. No, I don’t cook for a multitude of singles and cry over
“She’s Got Mail” for the three thousandth time. I don’t call it “Single
Awareness Day” and I don’t have a pity party by myself with a gallon of Ben and
Jerry’s. But if you do -I’m all for you doing you! If any of those things make
you feel better about the giant microscope that terrorizes all single
American’s every February 14th - by all means, you do you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Let
me preface my big plan with some history. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In 2002, I took a group of 40 students and chaperones to Scotland to perform at
the International Fringe Festival. We were part of the American High School
Theatre Festival there and it cost us about $4000 per student for the
experience. It was life-changing and in the end I’m glad we did it. But
preceding the trip we organized and executed 31 fundraisers to get enough money
to take every talented kid, and not just the ones that could afford it. That
part was a nightmare. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But
I digress.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">One
of those fundraisers was making suckers, er...lollipops. Not sure what to call
them for this book. I’ll say suckers. Mostly because the term sucker was also a
metaphor for how I felt about the entire trip. Anyway - these suckers were
homemade. There was no Amazon.com or Alibaba at the time to simply order 3000
from China and call it good. Enter the skills I had learned from Laura Ingalls
Wilder. Hard crack stage baby!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Because
I was SNK (Single No Kids) I made the initial investment (as I usually do) and
purchased 300 sucker molds in different shapes from our local craft store (I
still own them if you need to borrow them). I also purchased sticks, flavorings, and sugar. So much sugar. Then nearly every Friday night for a year I gathered
whoever was going to Scotland and we turned my little kitchen into a sucker
factory. Literally. Some stirred, some wrapped, some labeled. I measured,
poured, and watched those candy bubbles slow down to their hard crack stage. The
kids got to choose the flavors and colors. We learned what sold and what did
not. It was a noisy, messy, happy time and I would not have given it up for
anything. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We
tried to make between three to five hundred suckers each time we would drag out
all the supplies. It was exhausting. But we figured out that we could make each
sucker for less than a nickel and sell them for 50 cents each. They were pink
bubblegum, blue raspberry, Pioneer Grape (our school color was purple) and
there were times when it got so hectic in that little kitchen and we were
trying so hard to work fast that I would burn a batch and by mistake, we found
out that we could call that batch “Campfire Marshmallow” and it was a quick
selling favorite. It made my kitchen smell like death but...worth it? Oh yes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">See,
despite a sugar-covered kitchen, in the end, we had the time of our lives! We
laughed, we listened to Broadway tunes, of course, talked about and planned the
current show (or the next fundraiser). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">During
school lunch and at the play concessions we had permission to sell suckers.
Drama kids are exceptional hawkers! It wasn’t long before we had regular
customers that were addicted to their favorite flavors. After a solid year of
sucker making and selling, we had earned thousands of dollars, but the most
important thing was the camaraderie that built the team. It was tedious work
and everyone had to participate, but in the end we estimated that we earned
someone’s entire trip just from those wild nights of pouring and wrapping sugar
that was the temperature of liquid magma. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The whole point of this...and I do have one...is that one night after a school
performance of a play I saw one of my students, a kid that I knew was having
difficulty at home. She was slumped over in the hall, probably waiting for a
ride home. She was a new Sophomore that was not going with us to Scotland but
was heavily involved in our technical theatre program. She wore a severe hairstyle and painted her nails black back when that was a statement of emotional
context. She had an army green jacket that had a great patch on it - I’ll never
forget it - it said: “these are my church clothes.” At first glance, you might
stereotype her to a dark category with one raised eyebrow and a mental “oh
boy!” But once you got to know her you would find out that her family
situation, which was completely out of her 15-year-old control, was something
you could not imagine. I’m not at liberty to tell you what trials this sweet
kid endured at the hands of adults but she was a little bit untouchable because
of it; She was like a little broken bird that doesn’t trust anyone. As I
approached her she put up a quick wall of “I’m okay!” But she was not. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">There
was no one left in the halls of the school that night except us and the
custodians. I was not in the mood, nor did I have time to give a single student
my undivided attention. See, I don’t want to give you the idea that I am that
teacher that searches out and finds weeping kids and makes it all okay. But
Heavenly Father has given me tests in these dark and quiet moments where He
checks my true intentions now and then. I knew this was one of those moments
and I shook my head a little and kept walking toward her with a “Why tonight
Heavenly Father? I’m so tired I just want to lock up and go hooooome!” whine. I
took a deep breath and slid down the wall next to her with my huge box of
left-over concessions still in my lap. (I wondered if I was going to be able to
get up again.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Jan:
<span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>Are you waiting for your
ride?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Techie:
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I guess. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Jan:
<span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>Do you have a ride
coming?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Techie:
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I don’t know. I called my
sister but that was an hour ago. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This
was back in the time when you used the school telephone outside of the office
and called landlines and hoped someone was home. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">At
that point she started to cry. I sat my box to the side of me on the floor and
I put my arm around her. Side hug. She cried louder. I didn’t move. Her cries
turned into “mighty yawps”<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[2]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a> and
I feared she would pass out she was breathing so quickly. In my head I was
panicking, saying “Heavenly Father tell me what to do, tell me what to do…” I
felt that I should do nothing. So I changed the prayer to “Heavenly Father tell
me what to say, TELL ME WHAT TO SAY!!!” I felt I should say nothing. So I
changed the prayer one more time to “Heavenly Father help [my student] calm
down. Please send comfort and peace. Please, please, send peace.” After a few
minutes of utter despair, my sobbing student took several deep gasps at that very
moment and was finally able to catch her breath. She was hugging me so hard
that I knew at that moment all she needed was someone to hold onto her. I’ll be
honest it was awkward for me. I am not her parent and we teachers are
admonished not to get so physically close to our students especially when no
one else is around. But I did not let go of her. I felt The Spirit take over
through me. I felt her body relax and I felt the absolute holiness of this
precious daughter of God while HE dealt with her wracking pain. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She
was able to stop crying. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
wish I could say that we had this big conversation about her life and I was
able to help her see some fabulous new options she could take, etc… Ha! But it
occurred to me that she didn’t want to talk. She wasn’t going to talk about
what was bothering her. I sure didn’t want her to start crying again. So I got
into my big cardboard box of concessions treats and pulled out a red hot
cinnamon sucker in the shape of a heart and gave it to her. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She
actually smiled! “I love cinnamon!” she said and I told her it was by far the
most popular flavor. She said she couldn’t afford to buy the “drama suckers”
but after popping it into her mouth she knew why they were so popular. I gave
her a couple more “for her pocket,” I said. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
actually stayed with her until her sister came and got her. My backside was
completely numb from sitting on the hard high school tile for over an hour! We
didn’t talk about anything but the show that was going on and the shows coming
up. Mostly we just slurped on suckers and waited. If I had a video of her
trying to help me up from the hard floor it would go viral for sure. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So
here’s my big idea. I want to create a holiday revolution. Instead of waiting
for someone to meet our cultural expectations, let's overthrow the economic
monsters, make our own cinnamon suckers and distribute them as a powerful
message of love to someone that might need to know that we genuinely care. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Valentines
(or Christmas) is the perfect day for this to happen. The paradigm of giving is
already set up. But this way we turn the attention to others and get it away
from ourselves. We don’t have to book a fancy restaurant or worry about finding
expensive roses. We only have to find someone that needs a cinnamon sucker. I’m
telling you, the power of a cinnamon sucker is extraordinary. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
know you are saying - how is this different from sending a card, an actual
Valentine? DUH - you can’t eat a card! Ok...send the card...whatever. But I
swear to you that after selling thousands of sugary sweet suckers over the
years, NOBODY turns one down, and EVERYBODY smiles when they get one. No need to
attach a message<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>- it’s intrinsically
there as both a homemade gift and the symbol of giving away your heart. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I’ve
heard of people that hate the entire month of February because it pierces their
insecurities and detonates emotions that they are trying to bury. Seriously
though, we can mope around and make the day all about our singularity or we can
make it all about finding people that need our love, our time or just a
connection. Be the Valentine you wish someone was for you. (And then - like me
all those years, go out and buy yourself something you’ve always wanted, or just
eat a pint of Ben and Jerry’s all by yourself. Nothing has calories if you are
single on Valentine's day.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Mother’s
and Father’s Day are the same for me too. I've never thought of
myself as a dangerously jealous person. I don't plot the kidnapping of some
baby in Walmart. Our friends have some amazing babies right now and I stalk
them all on Facebook but that's a close as I go. I'm truly happy for everyone
that has been able to add kid stuff to their home and more chairs around the
dinner table. Our dinner table is the
drop off for bags, keys, mail...We never eat at the table because there is a
pervading feeling that people are missing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">That...bitterness.
There it is. Bitterness is a pool in my heart that I sometimes swim around in.
Yes - I have considered drowning myself in it a few times, but I have a
prescription that just reaches out and rescues me from those moments. Generally
speaking, I wish everyone on earth a full and happy family. There is nothing
more important to the fabric of society than the family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Mother's Day, however, is one of the
days I suit up for the pool. It is, without a doubt, my least favorite holiday.
I focus on my own mother, who is a saint, and the good teachers and neighbors
that helped raise me. But my bitterness only lasts a few weeks, from the first
FTD floral ad on TV to the last. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It's inevitable. It happens once a
year whether I like it or not. The great and horrible Mother’s Day. That is the
one day of the year that, ironically, I remain in the fetal position most of
the day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I acknowledge my ridiculousness.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The second Sunday in May is the
annual grand pity party. I don't do anything on that day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>N.O.T ...A ...T.H.I.N.G. I don't even shower.
I prep for the day, just as if I was buying groceries for a Fourth of July
block party. I eat anything I want, I watch violent action or horror movies and
I skip church like a delinquent. I haven't been to church on Mother's Day since
1988, when I first noticed the biological clock start it's evil countdown. It
used to seem that, as the years passed, the clock was louder at church, where
EVERYONE is pregnant. At least, the ticking clock had hope back then, though
quieter and quieter each year, at least it was still whimpering out its
relentless call right until the end. Now the silence is deafening. The silence
of my body in response to every flowering pregnant woman cackles at me in
stereo, gives me a big, wet raspberry as they pass by me, sit by me, say hello
to me. PLUHPHPHPHPHP!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Those women don't even know how much
their very presence makes my ears ring. Maybe I shouldn't tell them so
publicly. I don't want them to feel bad...I just need to get my feelings OUT of
my system and into a book where they can stay.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I don't go to church on Mother's Day
because the meetings are always dedicated to the grand role of motherhood.
Which is indeed, GRAND. And should be celebrated! Your mother gave you life!
The role of creator is akin to the role of being God. That's holiday-worthy.
It's the fact that in the LDS wards, the younger kids hand out flowers to all
of the moms. Every single mom gets a little potted plant, or a booklet, or
something on that day... At least that's what they do around here.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Back when I still went to church on
Mother's Day, years ago, I would watch the little 12 year-olds, go up and down
the pews, flower pot in hand, look at me in confusion, "flower or no
flower?" Then they would look at the people around me, no kids...
right...no flower. Some time ago, they changed the rules. I'm told they have
the older men hand out the flowers now. EVERY female over 18 gets a flower, mom
or not. As if to say, today is female day. Today we are celebrating the fact
that you have ovaries whether you use them...or not.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But if you aren't there, Sunday
after church, someone will bring it by your house and they KNOW you aren't in
church because every year, I STILL GET the dang flower. It's as if they are
saying "we know you weren't in church today because you have issues with
your singularity... or your infertility. They don't acknowledge the fact that I
might not have been there because I just don't like to be reminded of it so
thoroughly all day long. Then you have that flower in your house, all week long
until it dies. Because I let it die. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I KNOW they mean it in the kindest
way. I know it!!! I really do! I do not deny them the opportunity - nay the
responsibility - of honoring the women in their lives. So I just take myself
away from it, instead of adding my negativity to it. But that little innocent
flower with all that it represents and all that I have hatefully eschewed it
with...makes me want to throw it against the nearest wall. I could plant it. I
could water the little thing and let it fulfill the measure of<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> its </i>true creation. But that would mean
that I would be giving my bitterness away...and on this one day a year, my
bitterness blanket comforts me. As does the entire pan full of mac 'n cheese
that I will be eating while I watch "The Grudge."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I could try to see that it isn't
about my inabilities, but it's about my mother and her infinite abilities - she
is the world's greatest mom. Then I formally request, that they send her my
flower. She will allow it to fulfill the measure of its creation because that
is one of her gifts. There isn't anything that won't grow in her presence. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">There are a few things the average
person can know about how to approach a couple that doesn't have children, or
how to deal with a couple that would rather be parents than anything else, but
haven't been given that opportunity on this earth.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">First of all, you don't have to know
WHY they don't have children. Maybe they don't want kids. Maybe they are gay.
Maybe they are waiting for better times. Maybe they are infertile...all issues
that are none of your business. Why do people always want to know? Many times
people have said, for lack of something better to talk about, "how many
kids do you have? or to compound, it, "have you tried having
children?" Answering either of those questions is a hotbed of coals for
me. What I really want to say is "We heard that you have to have sex to
get children and that's just weird to me, I'll have nothing to do with that
craziness." Then I'll sit back and watch what happens. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Secondly, if you are a leader in the
church, remember that it's tough for people that are single, divorced or
infertile, to give lessons on the subject of raising children, improving your
marriage, or to speak in church on Mother's Day. Most of those people have
tender feelings about that issue or simply feel like failures in that area. No
need to draw attention to it. Just pre-empt that if you can with a lesson about
faith. They know a lot about faith.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Thirdly, if you notice that there
are certain people that aren't in church on certain holidays, abstain from
calling them and asking if they are okay. They are. Or at least they will be
tomorrow.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Number next, if you are a blessed
mom with children, when you are around those that can't have children try not
to complain about your new baby, or your kids. It may seem like you are telling
us how lucky we are to be getting all of our sleep or how lucky we are that we
aren't changing diapers, but we would KILL to change a diaper if that little
bum belonged to us. I always want to "one-up" people like that and
say, "my child is back in heaven where he will never look at porn, cheat
in school or be addicted to anything...my child is perfect.” (Because he is.)
But some people would think that was weird. However, it calms my heartache
sometimes. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Finally - I have some advice for us
waiters...in fact, I'll shoot this advice directly at myself:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1. Quit taking offense. People don't
know that you can't have your own children. So when they say how many kids do
you have, just say "We don't have children yet." And when people that
DO know your struggle say "but you are a teacher, you are a mother to so
many," don't be offended. Buck up. BE a mother to sooooooo many. Some of
them need you to be their mom. Don't think of that job as the consolation
prize. Don't be offended when you get called to teach other people's kids. The
Lord isn't asking us to do something difficult, he's asking us to help out. Dry
your tears and get back to work.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">2. And while you're at it, give away
your bitterness. (I'll work on that.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">3. Look outside yourself. Realize
that others are suffering too. They may have been given children as their
personal test. They are sleep deprived and covered in kid juices most of the
time. They are constantly teaching too and sometimes they just need someone to
talk to someone that has a vocabulary of more than 37 words...just like you do.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">4. Celebrate your own mom. This is
her day. She probably put her life on the line, and her formal education on hold to
raise you. Her outside shell is like titanium armor. Take a lesson. You turned
out! What can you do to make her life easier in return? I feel like Abraham
Lincoln when he said "All that I am or hope to be, I owe to my angel
mother." <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When I look at it this way, there
have been so many HUGE gifts to me on Mother's Day. I will adjust my grip
today. I will "press forward with a steadfastness in Christ having a
perfect brightness of hope."<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftn3" name="_ftnref3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[3]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p> </o:p></span><b><span style="font-family: Caveat; font-size: 24.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Caveat; mso-fareast-font-family: Caveat;"><o:p> </o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Caveat; font-size: 24.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Caveat; mso-fareast-font-family: Caveat;">Recipe for Chapter 15 - Surviving the
Holidays<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Caveat; font-size: 24.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Caveat; mso-fareast-font-family: Caveat;">LOVEly Cinnamon Suckers<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="color: #382516; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">4 cups granulated
sugar<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #382516; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1 1/3 cup light corn
syrup<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #382516; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1 1/2 cup water<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #382516; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1 teaspoon cinnamon
oil flavoring (or any flavor)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #382516; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Liquid food coloring
or gel food coloring (as desired)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #382516; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Heart-shaped sucker
molds<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #382516; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Sucker sticks<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #382516; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Sucker bags (optional)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #382516; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Twist ties or ribbon
(optional)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #382516; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Boil the first three ingredients together in a heavy, tall pot
with a candy thermometer. I stir it only once at the beginning and then walk
away - but don’t go far! While it is boiling we put the mold and sticks
together on cookie trays that have been sprayed with non-stick spray. You can
also lightly spray the molds but be careful not to get non-stick spray onto the
paper stick. Messy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #382516; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="color: #382516; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When the temperature on the thermometer reads 280 degrees add
flavoring and food coloring. Don’t stir! The bubbles will distribute color and
flavor evenly. When the candy reaches 300 degrees, take it off the heat and
pour it CAREFULLY into the hard candy molds.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #382516; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="color: #382516; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Cool completely before you take them out of the molds! We
usually just take them outside and lay the trays on top of the snow! When cool,
place in a sucker bag and tie with a ribbon! Don’t refrigerate!</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Caveat; font-size: 24.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Caveat; mso-fareast-font-family: Caveat;">Homework for Chapter 14</span></b></div>
<ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0in;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Obviously
- take the suckers out and distribute them. You don’t even need to explain why you are doing it. Just as a gift of love serves both giver and receiver - it will soon become apparent to you how important it is that you look for other people that need a gift of love on this day (or any day). YOU can be that person!</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">You
might have some leftovers. Keep them in a place where you can “give yourself some love” when you need to. Think of it as a symbolic hug from me. Ha! <o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This Valentine/Mother’s/Father’s Day/Christmas - give yourself a gift just for getting through it. Record your gift here: (Stay
accountable to yourself!) Give yourself something you have always wanted EVERY HOLIDAY. Save up for it and reward yourself just for getting through it. <o:p></o:p></span></li>
</ol>
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<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[1]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> Little House in the Big Woods, Laura Ingalls Wilder,
1932<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[2]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> Walt Whitman<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftnref3" name="_ftn3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[3]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> 2 Nephi 31:20<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br />JanHunsakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15091794687144885749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6939682088832127408.post-77719229543447217172020-05-08T13:13:00.001-06:002020-05-08T13:13:40.718-06:00Chapter 13 - Living in the Spirit<br />
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“Long before e-mail...cell phones and satellite dishes, computers and the Internet, this communication with your Heavenly Father was in place. It predates every type of networking invention today. Its power extends through the cosmos.”<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftn1">[1]</a><a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftn1"></a><br /><br />This is a question I ask myself constantly: Am I TRULY leading a life that makes me accessible to the will of my Heavenly Father? He cannot reach me through a wall of bitterness. There must always be hope. The veil of mortality is hard enough. Howard W. Hunter said:<br /><br /><i>“Not only should we be careful not to deprive others of blessings because of our wanderings in the wastelands of self-pity or self-recrimination, but we should be careful not to deprive ourselves of other blessings that could be ours. While waiting for promised blessings, one should not mark time, for to fail to move forward is to some degree a retrogression. Be anxiously engaged in good causes, including your own development.</i><a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftn2" style="font-style: italic;">[2]</a> <br /><br /><i> Howard W. Hunter</i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When I was 14, my mom and dad
decided that I should probably lift my eyes from the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Little House on the Prairie</i> book series and get some social skills.
I wasn't a pretty girl. More "Laura" than "Mary" if you
know what I mean and if you don't, that's okay, but if you do...don't you just
love those books? I was thick through the middle and very creative from all the
reading. Because of the "in-house" training, I had received, taking
Home Economics in high school seemed kind of redundant. My parents prayed to
know what kinds of classes would help me bring my eyes up and out of a book.
They signed me up for both drama and debate. Both classes lifted me to a place
I can't fully describe. It was as if God had used his master key and had opened
a gate for me that lead down a path clearly marked "GO THIS WAY."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So I did.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">No surprise, those classes did lift
me out of the Wisconsin wilderness. Those teachers taught me how to speak out
loud without fear. Unremarkably, I now have degrees in both subjects.
Unremarkably, I have been able to teach and direct thousands of young people as
they come through my classroom looking for their tribe like I did back in 1978.
Working in conjunction with The Spirit, my parents gave me a life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It
was back in 2010 that I was asked to address a group of mid-single Latter-day
Saints at a fireside. The assigned topic was to inspire the crowd to keep
taking faithful actions toward creating a celestial family. My husband and I
had been married about 4 years by then and I felt, for the first time,
completely out of place in the crowd. I was terrified. And yet - I knew exactly
where their hearts were. I was in the throws of miscarriages and every day was
a struggle to stay faithful. H<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">More
women than men of course. I spoke of my past and how difficult it was as a
single person to plan for my future because I wanted to make sure I was
“available” in case Heavenly Father dropped a worthy priesthood holder in my
lap. General laugh from the audience. I explained our crazy story and that my
husband had indeed been in my life nearly every day but I just needed to be
patient and do it all on God’s time. Blah, blah, blah...could I have been any
more cliche?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
spoke of the miscarriages and the faith it took to keep trying when we would
rather spend our money on a trip to Hawaii. But time was not our friend and
Hawaii would always be there. More general laughing from the audience. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Then
I had a moment - you probably know the kind - it feels as if someone else has
taken over your thoughts. I guess the world would say I “spoke from the
heart.” I went off script which I never do. But the Spirit was so strong and I
was willing to say what He needed me to say. It was as if He was pushing me
aside and taking the podium.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He
told them to fight loneliness which was Satan’s weapon of choice when he was
around them. Stay near family. Put ward friendships on your priority list.
Invite people into your home. Go to your ward outings. Initiate fun. Initiate
big goals. Initiate service...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And then the word initiate came out
of my mouth a dozen times or more. It was a big idea and I could not stop it.
My mind was racing! It was right then that I realized an important truth had
been given to all of us:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Do not wait for anything that you
can initiate yourself. <o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It wasn’t tricky or deep in any way.
I hadn’t written it down but I knew it to be true. <o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The secret to fighting loneliness
isn’t having patience by waiting for life to come to you - it’s initiating the
fight. <o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
got an email from a fabulous woman that was teaching adjunct Tap Dance at
Brigham Young University. I felt as I was reading the email that she needed me.
She needed to be involved in a musical I was working on at the time, even
though she had missed auditions by just a few days. I felt the Spirit punch me.
I wrestled with Him for a minute; I didn’t know her, she hadn’t auditioned, I
didn’t know if she could do anything but tap dance. Could she even sing, what
if she had a giant green nose and three eyeballs? What if she wasn’t telling
the truth? But I could feel the Spirit in her words. It was honest. It was
sweet. It was unmistakable. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She
said: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Hi
Jan!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My name is Teri*.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I saw that you are the Director of the
Hairspray show at the Scera in June, is this correct?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So exciting!!!... I have never officially
been in a Musical, but I really want to start! ...I was SO sad that I just
barely missed the cutoff for your Hairspray show auditions!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don't really know how everything works or
how you choose extras in the show...But I'd totally LOVE to just be a
background dancer and do whatever you need to get my foot in the door! I’d love
to just come and watch the whole process happen. I won’t get in the way, I
promise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> H</span>ahaha, I teach dance at BYU currently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have danced since I was 3 years old…”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She
gave me her California background which included decades of dance training and
a few private voice lessons. It was a two-page email! It made me laugh and
think. No one had ever opened themselves up like that to me after auditions had
already closed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She
ended with: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Let me know
your thoughts!... I have performed in so many dance shows over the years, but
never an official full Musical.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or if
someone drops out or gets injured I would love to be considered!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thanks!<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She
was putting herself out there and was willing to come and watch rehearsals just
to be involved somehow. I thought that was very brave. So one full minute into
my argument with the Spirit, and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">without </i>consulting
with my other artistic staff I wrote: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Dear Teri –<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I love that you sent this!!!... I want to involve you of
course! The show has been cast but can I add you to the ensemble? You would
need to come to rehearsals this week. Let me know what you think.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Teri
responded:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Really???<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That would
be amazing!!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What times are the
rehearsals?... I want to be in this show soooooo badly so I'm going to do
everything I can to make it all work!!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Thank you!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-no-proof: yes;"><v:shapetype coordsize="21600,21600" filled="f" id="_x0000_t75" o:preferrelative="t" o:spt="75" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" stroked="f">
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Because
I was involved in two shows at the same time, I wasn’t able to meet her in
person but I told her that I would make the right connections for her and that
she should just show up to rehearsal. I had never done this before. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
emailed my choreographer and I said, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“I know…I’m
insane…I don’t even know who she is, but The Spirit punched me on this one and
I just think she needs to be in the show…” (Working with other members of the
church makes it easy to speak Latter-day Saint in times like these.) <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
told her the whole story and apologized for not even consulting with her about
it. After Teri’s first rehearsal my choreographer emailed me back:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Teri came
to rehearsal tonight and she is fantastic. She is everything she said she is.
She learns the dances instantly. She’s smiley and we already love her.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Well
the next day, I happened across my new Facebook friend, Teri’s post from her
perspective. Let me summarize it: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She
wrote that she was so tired of playing the single game and she wanted to get
off the dating wagon for a while and just enjoy her life. (She’s a genuine Lady
in Waiting!) She had spent hours and hours on her knees pleading with the Lord
to help her find something to do that would take her mind off the fact that she
was lonely and tired of dating. She ran across a paper that was a few weeks
old, announcing auditions for a local community theatre musical. She was
disappointed that she had missed the auditions by just a few days. Still, she
felt impressed by the Spirit to contact the director of the play (me) and find
out if there was still room for her. She explained in the Facebook post that
The Spirit was very strong and she was very nervous to put herself out there
for that kind of rejection. (Ladies in Waiting know the stabbing pain of
rejection all too well.) She explained in the Facebook post that the director
answered her Facebook message with “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">let’s
get you in the show</i>.” She talked about her first rehearsal and how everyone
was so nice and she was able to get caught up very quickly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She bore her testimony on Facebook that God
sees her, hears her, and “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">validates her
righteous desires in miraculous ways</i>.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
read the Facebook post with reverence for the process at which God works. He
works through us. If our channels are tuned to Him, we get those messages loud
and clear. If we act on those promptings, WE CREATE amazing paths for each
other. I firmly believe that this is a kind of service that we do for each
other. My life doesn’t allow me to make quilts, sit with the sick and afflicted
or any of those other signature service opportunities that I see others doing.
But I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">can</i> listen to The Spirit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By keeping ourselves worthy to see and hear
The Spirit, we open paths that God can walk. We create bridges over obstacles
that God needs us to build so that He can answer your prayers, make those
connections for you, and create your specific journey. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
have often looked back on my life and laughed as I have seen the hand of God in
retrospect in my life. Identifying His presence in our lives will increase our
trust in Him. Only then, we can tell our wayward children, friends, and
disbelievers that it’s indeed God Himself who is in the details because we are
able to look back and see it for ourselves. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">If
it’s not God, then who? (Rhetorical!)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
watched Teri at rehearsal, with her new friends and stellar confidence and I
see her confidence in the Spirit because she trusts God. She went to him with
an aching need. He came to me with her aching need. I felt it. I acted on it. I
created a bridge over a simple thing like a missed audition because He asked me
to. I have learned that ignoring those Spiritual nudges, punches, (I have to be
punched most times) never works out for anyone’s good, especially my own. I
needed Teri’s example AND the bonus is she added SOOOO much to our show! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So
in addition to that admonition about listening to The Spirit, I learned another
great lesson from Teri. She isn’t sitting home waiting for her life to come to
her. She is creating her life! She is discovering new things, building new
friendships, keeping her mind and body going, and having the time of her life. I
get to see it every night. What an incredible example she has become to me (and
she helped me with the tap dance number backstage one day and I needed it
b.a.d.l.y.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
will remind us all that the general population will tell us to go and get
another hobby, and that’s fine, but within the life that we already live can we
celebrate singularity, help others, do something you always said you would, and
don’t forget to continually bear testimony to yourself. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Here’s
a warning from just me - another waiter: Do not clutter up your life. Keep it
simple. I’m the living breathing example of someone that spent too many years
with too much to do and the relationships around me became secondary to the
JOBS LIST that I had in my day planner. This is SATAN. I know now that I need
to keep my life centered on my Heavenly Father by emulating Jesus Christ. I
don’t need 12,000 things to do. I only need to feel productive (Maslow!) We
will all feel that in a different way. When productivity feels like a prison and
takes you away from relationships, that is Satan working hard to divert your
attention from what will ultimately put you on the path of true happiness. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Shout
out again to my friend Justin who says:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“The good
news is, when it comes to the church, I feel like the church organization and
members of the church are doing better and better when it comes to how they
treat us “mid-singles." I’ve been really impressed with how I’ve been
treated in the church since I turned 32 and had to leave the YSA program behind
and return to a “conventional ward.” I’ve never felt disrespected or excluded
because I’m that “weird single dude, who must have something wrong with him
because he’s not married." Instead, it’s been the exact opposite. In both
wards I’ve been in since leaving the YSAs, I’ve served as the elders quorum
president and have never felt like less of a person because I’m not married.
People talk to me, include me, and rely on me to serve. Women try to set me up
with their daughters and single friends too, which is helpful and appreciated.
Good things are happening in our church culture.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
love this! Get up. Get out. Listen. Serve. Try. It applies to all of us. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Caveat; font-size: 24.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Caveat; mso-fareast-font-family: Caveat;">Chapter 13 Recipe<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The recipe is perfect for a giant party. Crepes can be made ahead and then everyone
comes to the party with an ingredient to put inside the crepes. The Shelton
family celebrates Spring strawberries with a crepe night for Family Home
Evening. Just sayin’. Come on over, and bring whipped cream. We always run out
of whipped cream. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Caveat; font-size: 24.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Caveat; mso-fareast-font-family: Caveat;">Crepes for a Crowd<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In
a BIG blender combine:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">4 cups milk<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">3 cups flour<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">4 T sugar<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1/3 cup vegetable oil<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">½ tsp vanilla<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">4 egg<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">s<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Blend until smooth - about 1 minute.
(The batter should be about the viscosity of maple syrup.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In a non-stick frying pan, sprayed
with non-stick spray, pour about ⅓ cup batter and move the pan around until the
batter covers the bottom of the pan. Turn it over with a spatula when the edges
appear golden brown.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Fill with anything and everything!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Here’s a checklist so that you can
make assignments for your party:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
</div>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><br clear="all" style="mso-break-type: section-break; page-break-before: auto;" />
</span>
<div class="WordSection2">
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Cream Cheese Frosting (from chapter
11!)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Nutella<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Bananas<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Strawberries<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Blueberries<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Blackberries<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Peaches<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Chocolate Chips<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Butterscotch Chips<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Marshmallows<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Shredded Coconut<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Powdered Sugar<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Peanut Butter<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Whipped Cream<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Nuts<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Caramel Topping<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Sprinkles<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Jams of every kind<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><br clear="all" style="mso-break-type: section-break; page-break-before: always;" />
</span>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p> </o:p></span></b><b><span style="font-family: Caveat; font-size: 24.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Caveat; mso-fareast-font-family: Caveat;">Chapter 13 Homework</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The
bucket list isn’t just for old people.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">If
we could choose to live in any period of time it is NOW! Even though there is
staggering political chaos and constant economic uncertainty we have so much!
Imagine a hundred years ago even when laundry was done by hand and bread was
baked at home...every day. I imagine that singularity was a curse back then and
despite it feeling like a curse sometimes now, it doesn’t have to be. We have
incredible options.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Make
a bucket list right here: (I’ll start it for you)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0in;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Attend
a temple that isn’t on your continent<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Eat
your favorite food in the country of its origin<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Take a community education class in a subject that you
have always wanted to learn (for me, its painting)<o:p></o:p></span></li>
</ol>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Your
turn - <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">4. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">5. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">6.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">7.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">8.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">9.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">10.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">11.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">12.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">13.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">14.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">15.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">16.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">17.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">18.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">19.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">20.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="mso-element: footnote-list;">
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<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" />
<!--[endif]-->
<div id="ftn1" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[1]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Your Celestial
Guide</i>,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sharon G. Larsen, Ensign, May
2001<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn2" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[2]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Church is
for All People</i>,” Howard W. Hunter, Ensign, June 1989<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
</div>
<br />JanHunsakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15091794687144885749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6939682088832127408.post-31674434904130636182020-05-04T16:01:00.000-06:002020-05-04T16:01:05.831-06:00Chapter 12 - Crying Out<br /><br /><b><span style="font-size: x-large;"><i>CHAPTER 12 - Crying Out </i></span></b><br /><br /> <i>I <a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2010/04/continue-in-patience?lang=eng#note1a">waited</a> patiently for the Lord; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. <br /> He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a <a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2010/04/continue-in-patience?lang=eng#note2a">rock</a>, and established my goings. <br /> And he hath put a <a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2010/04/continue-in-patience?lang=eng#note3a">new</a> <a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2010/04/continue-in-patience?lang=eng#note3b">song</a> in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the Lord<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftn1">[1]</a>.</i><br /><br />A couple of days after miscarriage #5 (or was it 6?), I spent the entire night in our guest room <span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">kneeling against the bed in prayer, begging
for peace of mind. I was there most of the night. Andy and I had been married 4
years and I felt like I was running underwater. That dang biological clock
never stops. It never ever stops in your head. I could not stop worrying about
the clock. Every day I would think “you have to keep trying, where is your
faith Jan?” Every day I would cross off the calendar take my temperature,
swallow the regiment of pills, snake oils and pray, pray, pray. Finally... the sun began to rise and this
long night of wrestling with the Lord was nearly over. I had cried and begged
and choked on my own slobber for hours. My knees were sore and carpet burned. My back ached. I was so dehydrated that I thought I
would pass out. So I got up and sat on the edge of the bed and when I did, I heard it clear
as a bell.... "s.t.o.p. w.o.r.r.y.i.n.g." </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I heard it over and over again. It was spilling into my head from ear to ear.
It was resonating in my sinuses. It was like someone was trying to shout at me,
quietly </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">S.t.o.p...s.t.o.p...s.t.o.p...s.t.o.p...s.t.o.p...worrying..stop
worrying,” </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">over and over again. I was not prepared for that answer. I felt
such peace wrap around me. Someone had been listening to me! I felt them hear
me. I rolled into the fetal position for another hour at least. The sun was up. I was calming
down. I was wrestling with what it meant to stop worrying. One thing I knew for
sure: Heavenly Father knew that I was seriously putting my faith forward. I
knew I could not go forward without Him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So much easier said than done.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Within a few days I was back at the
guest bed. There was so much to worry about. What part of it could I give to
Him? Should I go off the fertility treatments? Would it be safer for me
mentally to go on birth control - just cut the head off the monster once and
for all? Should we start the adoption process? Should I quit work and try to
find some inner peace? (Yes - should have done that!) Should we get into the
foster program? Should I try to go off sugar again, or caffeine, or gluten, or
artificial sweeteners? Should we just ask one of my sisters to carry a baby for
us? Should we...could we...what about...what if...what do you think
about….????????????????<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and then…...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">but….<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">???????????????????????<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">???????<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Only this time, an hour into the
[very one-sided] conversation, I started hearing “STOP WORRYING” and it was as
if I didn’t want to hear it so I just kept going. I realized I was behaving
like some of my students do when I’ve given them an answer they don’t like.
They just keep changing the question a little until it serves them by saying
“but what if….this or that…” I call it “What if-ing.” It drives me crazy. Here
I was sitting on the edge of the bed What-if-ing the God of All Creation. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I stopped. I smiled. I thanked Him
for listening and I assured Him that I would move forward in faith. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So as the “What-ifs” came along, I
dealt with them one at a time. For example, a friend of ours asked us to go to
an adoption conference with her. We did. I felt no pull toward adoption, no
warm-fuzzy, no bells and whistles went off for either me or my husband. In
fact, within a few minutes after we pulled away I started a grocery list on my
phone. My husband said “Do you want to talk about the conference? I did, I
said, but maybe after we were done shopping. I was going to let the whole thing
“live in my brain for an hour or two.” I hoped the Spirit would tell me what to
do while we were looking for lettuce? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I've spent so much time on my knees
about the ache in my heart and how to fill it! One night I cried out to the
Lord for 3-4 hours straight. I plead for him to fill my heart
with...with...something! Eventually I slept. When I woke up, I wondered why I
had a headache. I went all day trying to figure out the trigger for my
headache. Then as I was getting ready for bed the next night, I walked by the
guest room and there were all these pillows on the floor and I suddenly
remembered my night of begging. I realized that that wasn't the first time I'd
had a true stupor of thought. That re-direction of thought! How powerful! What
a blessing. I had been functioning all day. I had been lifted! My heart was
light. I knew everything was going to be okay...no matter what. Maybe it’s the
fact that Andy and I both do short-term adoptions every day all day. I don’t
know, but I’m not going to worry about it. See?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">My part of the deal is that I try to
keep myself ready to be on the receiving end of any communication that needs to
happen between myself and the Holy Spirit because I am not strong enough to go
out on my own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why would I want to? The
minute you get the Gift of the Holy Ghost you are immediately teamed up with
the greatest life coach you will ever have! Could there be anything more
amazing than that?!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He must have access to me to make
all the paths work. My friend Vicky said to me one day “I try to live in the
Spirit.” I just love that. I can see that in Vicky. She is humble and truly an
open vessel for the Spirit to work through her. I have since stolen that phrase
from her and it sure does work for me - “live in the Spirit.” Because there is
not “waiting around” for the Spirit to come to you. He’s with you. He’s there -
you just have to reach out - cry out - and there He is. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So
crying and whining aren’t enough? Feeling blue about anything isn’t enough. You
have to get it out of your system and put it in the hands of God. The transfer
of this responsibility is steeped in fear. If you let go of something you want,
you covet, you are desperate to experience - and you hand it over to God, it’s
scary. If you stop worrying about something you really want, a companion, a
child, a better job, a better life...do you lose control of it? GIVE THE WORRY
TO HIM. Tell Him. Cry out to Him. He needs to know that you are serious about
it. Spend some time on your knees. And I’m not talking about just your regular
three- minute discussion. Have a fast if you can. Be committed to finding the
answers. Show Him your commitment. This is the kind of prayer that must ascend
the heavens and pierce <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">your doubt</i>...it
must wrack</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> your soul. YOU are a child of GOD - your divinity is inherent. Now, what about your identity?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">O
Me! O Life!<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">By Walt Whitman<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">O me! O life! of the questions of
these recurring,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Of the endless trains of the faithless,
of cities fill’d with the foolish,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Of myself forever reproaching
myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Of eyes that vainly crave the light,
of the objects mean, of the struggle ever renew’d,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Of the poor results of all, of the
plodding and sordid crowds I see around me,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Of the empty and useless years of
the rest, with the rest me intertwined,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The question, O me! so sad,
recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Answer</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">That you are here—that life exists
and identity,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">That the powerful play goes on, and
you may contribute a verse.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The poem "Oh Me! Oh Life!"
was published in 1855 and part of a volume of poetry called <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Leaves of Grass</i>.<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[2]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a> This is my
favorite poem. Of the thousands and thousands of pieces of poetry that contend
to be #1 on my list, this is it. I first fell in love with this work after I
saw the movie Dead Poet’s Society in 1989. I was also taking a class in
Victorian Literature at the time and I was smitten with it all. Every single
time I read "O Me! O Life!" I am lifted. I feel that I am not alone.
It’s like an old friend that hugs you and says “everything is going to be
okay. You matter. You are enough. Contribute your verse!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In the beginning, it sounds like a
poem of lament or grieving, maybe self-pity. In the first line, he summarizes
his conflict: What is the purpose of my life (O me!), if life is so hard (O
life!)? He comments about the “endless trains of the faithless” and “cities
filled with the foolish” and then he humbly notes that he is the most foolish
and faithless of them all and he is “forever reproaching” himself. I do that.
So by beginning with a question, he makes an unusual choice by providing the
answer to his questions:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Answer: (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">he gets the answer from himself</i>)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">That the powerful play goes on (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">life is powerful, choose it!</i>)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And you may contribute a verse. (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Everybody gets to equally contribute
something, anything – and I love that he says “a verse” because it suggests
that everyone gets to contribute something of value and something diverse – if
we were, all the same, he would have said chorus, right? I don’t know, but that’s
just what it says to me. I’m going to have a talk with Walt about it in the
next life.)<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">What I love about the ending is that
instead of wallowing in self-pity (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">What
good am I?</i>) by leaving the question open and out there unanswered, he is
strong enough (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">don’t we always have just
a little juice in us to keep going?</i>) to answer his own question but there
is no condescension about it. He pushes that universal button of empathy for
life’s futility, yet he manifests his belief that life is like a powerful play,
but he doesn't offer a quick fix to humanities problems he intimates, humbly,
that we (everyone one of us) are contributing to society just by being alive…each
one of us in a unique way.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But that’s only half of the emotion
it contains.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The tone of Walt Whitman’s famous
poem starts with the very first word, which is in fact just a single vowel: O.
This kind of O, the kind without the “h” attached to it, is special. You see it
in the scriptures, in Greek theatrical texts, in Shakespeare too. We hardly
ever think about its meaning because it’s just a single letter. But it’s so
much more than just an O. It has been given the formal name “Ecphonesis O” by
modern linguists. Sometimes it’s called the rhetorical O.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Ec-phonesis is Greek, and means “to
cry out.” It’s derived from “exclameo,” to cry out. “Ecphonesis is a pathetical
figure, whereby as the Orator or speaker expresses the vehement affection and passion
of his own mind, so he also excites and stirs up the minds and affections of
those to whom he speaks.”<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftn3" name="_ftnref3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[3]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In John Milton’s Paradise Lost the
character of Eve, being told that she must leave her paradise, cries out,
"O unexpected stroke! Worse than of death.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This O elevates the emotion
automatically! But why the heck is it missing its H?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This is what I teach my high school
kids when they come upon one of these monsters in their Shakespeare monologues
and scenes: Early authors used the single O as a placeholder for emotional
exclamations like “GRRRRR!” or “sighhhhh,” or “#!%*!” The Ecphonesis O is only
used when the emotion is so high that there aren’t words for how troubled, or
angry or happy a person is. Nowadays we might substitute the O with a piece of
music and call it musical theatre. But Milton, Shakespeare, Sophocles and the
authors of the bible didn’t write musicals. They couldn’t spell that moment in
time when your body is wracked with torment and you expel a guttural “YAWP” as
Walt Whitman would say:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Song of Myself </span></i></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">by Walt Whitman<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The spotted hawk swoops by and
accuses me, he complains<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>of my gab and my loitering<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I too am not a bit tamed, I too am
untranslatable,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I sound my barbaric yawp over the
roofs of the world.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The “O” is “untranslatable” as
Whitman would say. Just like the feeling in my heart after a much-anticipated
baby has passed through me or a great job opportunity was given to someone
else...you see my drift. Ever wondered why you never see movie or stage
characters blowing their nose or going to the bathroom? We recreate life on
stage or in a book for entertainment or education. We don’t watch a play about
someone brushing their teeth or tying their shoes. There is no conflict in
that. We don’t learn anything from it. It isn’t COMPELLING. However…add the
Ecphonesis O to a script where Ruby the 8th grader goes to brush her teeth and
she lets out a deep throaty “OOOOooooo” there’s something to that. She looks
down and all her teeth are in the sink. WHAT IS HAPPENING? Now that's dramatic.
That needs an O.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">See, storytelling is only
interesting when compelling things occur. So the Ecphonesis O is very useful
for a playwright to give the actor/reader a clue about the grand emotion that
is happening. There are upwards of 2400 Ecphonesis O’s in the Shakespeare canon
alone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Here’s a few good ones:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou
Romeo!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">O what a rogue in peasant slave am
I…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">O no! It is an ever-fixed mark…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">O you beast! O faithless coward! O
dishonest wretch!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">O reason not the need!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">O let me be not mad, not mad sweet
heaven!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">O brave new world that hath such
people in it!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">O, O, O, I have lost my reputation!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The O didn't die with Shakespeare
and Whitman. We've all used it at points in our life. In fact, I contend that
without the Ecphonesis O my prayers, my grieving, my cries for heavenly help
would not pierce the veil enough to make that divine connection I need. Do I
pray like that ll the time? Haha! No. I mean, I’m a dramatic kind of
storyteller, but Heavenly Father sees right through me. My connection to Him
must be honest at all times. But there have been a couple of times in my life
when I tested the magnitude of the Ecphonesis O. One real doozy come to mind. I
was living in the basement of my parent’s home trying to save money to buy my
own home and I got a letter from one of my student’s parents rebuking me for
not casting her daughter in a play. Her daughter was a loud, angry and negative
soul. I think she enjoyed creating drama backstage and I just couldn't face
another show adding “put out [this girl’s] fires” to my to-do list again.
Thankfully she also didn’t sing well. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So I didn’t cast her. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">One night, I was working late hours
trying to put up the show, give kids an opportunity, seemingly by myself, and I
was exhausted to say the least. In the middle of the night, I walked through
the dark school up to the faculty room to buy a Diet Coke to keep myself awake.
I grabbed my mail from my faculty box and sat down on a comfortable chair and
started going through it while I drank my precious life force. There was the
letter. It was addressed to me but no return address, and no signature, though
from its contents I knew exactly who it was. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In a nutshell it said I was
emotionally abusive and didn't know how to handle kids because I wasn't a
mother myself. She called me “useless” because I was “free-loading” off my
parents by living with them. (Everybody knows everything in a small town I
guess.) She punched and kicked and stabbed her words right through me. When I
had finished digesting the letter I let out a cry that certainly defined the
Ecphonesis O. It wasn't because the letter hurt me. It was because I suspected
the letter was true. I was at that point in my life where I suspected I was
useless except as a machine to showcase other people’s kids. And since I had
chosen not to showcase her daughter this time, she had chosen to stab at my
insecurities as an older, single, childless, LDS woman with no prospects in
sight to complete her version of who she thought I should be. (You can only cut
so close to the bone if you are also LDS, which she was.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I sat in that chair for a good hour,
spilling Ecphonesis O after Ecphonesis O in heaps all over the floor. Crying
out "...The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me,
O life?" It was the kind of crying that makes your eyes pop out. It turns
your face into a swollen flat surface. It gives you a migraine. It's wet and
slobbery and you don't care. It makes you bend in half toward yourself, hug
your knees, wipe snot on your pants because you might be the only one that can
offer comfort in that moment. It makes you heave and gulp for air and whimper,
all at the same time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In the midst of it all, I started
praying. I prayed that I could find out who I was and why I was truly alive.
What purpose did He have for me and if this was it – just being the machine – I
wanted o.u.t. I cried until I was finally able to ask Him to help me stop
crying. I felt the Spirit wrap its arms around me and I fell asleep.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Around 5 AM I was awaken by the
sound of custodial keys in the door. I bolted upright and looked at the clock.
I sat there for a minute in a fog as the good custodian laughed. I tried to
remember why I was there and then I saw the letter – still clutched in my hand
and it all came back to me. I laughed it off with “boy, that was a comfortable
chair!” or something ridiculous like that, and went home to shower so I could
come back and do it all again. My eyes were two tiny puffy slits but I was
emboldened with the kind of motivation that makes you write letters of
resignation, which I did…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I needed someone to notice me. I
needed change. I needed my absence to count. I needed to be enough. Something.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">(That letter stayed on my hard drive
for years.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">My parents, long accustomed to me
spending the night at the school, were still in bed when I got home. No one
would know I had been gone all night. No one would care. No one would even
raise an eyebrow… except the laughing custodian.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It is in times like these I am
tempted to go on auto-pilot and tell myself that even my least passionate work,
just my instinctual work, is still good enough. And then the guilt of working
halfheartedly adds to the building disgust I have for myself. I create a
fantasy world in my mind where I have 3 kids and a mini-van. Where people say
“you’re kids are gorgeous!” or “your kids are so well behaved.” I crave
teaching my own children how to walk, ride a bike, sew, bake… (the grass is
always greener). But the only thing I could really do to take my mind off of
it, to fill the time, was disappear into a dark movie theatre by myself where I
didn't have to talk to anyone and someone else could entertain me. Ironically,
those moments only made me feel more sorry for myself. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">You can imagine that the other
Ecphonesis O's in my life are not surprising and involve the years of
bitterness, loneliness, finally getting married and then subsequent
miscarriages and burying a baby. Those are obvious. But most of those O's were
filled with hope, faith and a knowledge that those blessings will be restored
if I am faithful and endure my trials. Some of those O's were bitter, but not
for long. They taught me so much. They actually increased my faith and gave me
strength, depth and empathy for others. Is that it? Is that it's function? I
might be onto something.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">My favorite Ecphonesis O is taken
from the New Testament. The teacher in me appreciates what the O does to
elevate emotion, but the human in me, the person that has utilized the
Ecphonesis O a few time in my life as I have cried in desperation, grief or
gratitude to my Heavenly Father makes this particular "yawp," this
cry, so significant to me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">At the close of Jesus’ public
ministry, He found himself at the top of a hill overlooking Jerusalem, the Holy
City, lamenting. The children of Israel had rejected Him and the safety He
brought to them. As He looked out over the soon to be destroyed city, He was
overcome with emotion and expressed His anguish:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, which
killest the prophets, and stonest them that are sent unto thee; how often would
I have gathered thy children together, as a hen doth gather her brood under her
wings, and ye would not!”<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftn4" name="_ftnref4" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><sup><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[4]</span></sup></b><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Just a few years later, the city was
obliterated by the Romans, fulfilling the prophecy. Imagine being able to see
that in the future and not able to prevent it because of the hardness of the
hearts of your people. Jesus Christ knew the Ecphonesis O. He probably invented
it; for "Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we
did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted."<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftn5" name="_ftnref5" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn5;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[5]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a> They
who saw Him suffer, instead of seeing the sacrifice in it, imagined that He was
suffering at God's hands. In His greatest agonies, they scoffed at His alleged
parentage, yet in His death He would save them all mercifully, graciously.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I often wonder who the atheists turn
to in the depths of an Ecphonesis O moment? What Omnipotent power comforts them
in their darkest moments? To whom are they grateful? I'm ignorant here and I
admit it. Who sustains them, makes them powerful? Maybe that's the big idea
here. The trials that bring on the Ecphonesis O are a necessary evil. They
bring us to our knees, they remind us who we are and that we are not alone. We
are simply building an unbreakable connection and lifeline to the endless power
from whence we came.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">President Nelson has said it best:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #212225; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“My dear brothers and
sisters, you have as much access to the mind and will of the Lord for your own
life as we Apostles do for His Church. Just as the Lord requires us to seek and
ponder, fast and pray, and study and wrestle with difficult questions, He
requires you to do the same as you seek answers to your own questions.”</span></i><a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftn6" name="_ftnref6" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn6;" title=""><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><sup><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><sup><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[6]</span></sup></b><!--[endif]--></span></span></sup></i></a><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Let the mighty trials and
tribulations roll forth. We rejoice in them because we need peace. Another
great example is from my favorite missionary of all time, the Apostle Paul.
Nearing the end of his life he wrote (probably because he experienced this
first hand):<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Therefore being justified by faith,
we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: By whom also we have
access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the
glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that
tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope:”</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">BRING IT! Though I will probably
always feel <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">"foolish...faithless...intertwined
in the plodding and sordid crowds"</i> but that’s my verse. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Caveat; font-size: 24.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Caveat; mso-fareast-font-family: Caveat;">Chapter 12<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The Crying Out Recipe<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So
- Ginger is on the list of natural foods to consume when you are dehydrated.
The fact that they are rolled in sugar just makes me happy. Seems a natural fit
for this chapter! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Caveat; font-size: 24.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Caveat; mso-fareast-font-family: Caveat;">Spicy and Chewy (!) Ginger Cookies<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1 ½ cups unsalted butter - room temp<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1 cup sugar<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1 cup packed brown sugar<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1 cup molasses<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">2 eggs<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">4 ½ cups flour<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">4 tsp baking soda<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1 ½ T ground ginger<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1 T cinnamon<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1 tsp ground cloves<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1 tsp salt<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Demerara cane sugar<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Whisk dry ingredients together and
set aside. Cream first four ingredients together in a stand mixer until fluffy.
Add eggs to stand mixer and then dry ingredients about ⅓ at a time until
incorporated evenly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Roll dough in long tubes of plastic
wrap about 1 ½ inches in diameter. CHILL dough for at least an hour to
overnight.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Let's talk about chilling - or waiting for cookies: No one wants to wait for a good cookie. But here's the thing: if you chill dough overnight or even for a few days, your cookies will taste SO MUCH BETTER. The flour will time to incorporate, the spices warm up together...trust me. If you have time. Everything is better if you can just...wait.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When
you are ready to bake, pre-heat oven to 350 degrees.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Cut dough into 1 oz pieces (I weigh
them just so they cook uniformly) and roll them into a ball and then completely
coat them with Demerara (or turbinado) sugar. Bake on a parchment covered cookie sheet at
350 degrees for 8-10 minutes just until they start to crack on the top. They
will crack more as they cool. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Caveat; font-size: 24.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Caveat; mso-fareast-font-family: Caveat;">Chapter 12 Homework<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0in;" type="1">
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out. <o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">What happened?<o:p></o:p></span></li>
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<div style="mso-element: footnote-list;">
<!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><br clear="all" />
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<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[1]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> Psalms 40: 1-3<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[2]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> Leaves of Grass, Walt Whitman<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftnref3" name="_ftn3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[3]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> John G Smith, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The
Mystery of Rhetorick Unveiled</i>, 1721.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftnref4" name="_ftn4" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[4]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> Matthew 23:37<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftnref5" name="_ftn5" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn5;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[5]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> Isaiah 53:4<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftnref6" name="_ftn6" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn6;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[6]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Stand as True
Millennials</i>,” Russell M. Nelson, Ensign, October 2016<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br />JanHunsakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15091794687144885749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6939682088832127408.post-30597726101323463042020-05-03T14:50:00.000-06:002020-05-03T14:50:43.776-06:00Part 4 and Chapter 11 - No Cow Gal<br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Caveat; font-size: 24.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Caveat; mso-fareast-font-family: Caveat;"><i>Part 4 - Adjusting Our Grip on the Iron Rod</i><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #434244; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Our doubts are
traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.” <span style="mso-tab-count: 4;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="color: #434244; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">William Shakespeare</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Remember
that I am a long-term waiter. I’m not going to insult your intelligence by
telling you that solving for loneliness, bitterness and coveting is as simple
as going out and getting a new hobby or staying at the “Linger Longer.” I have
so many hobbies that there are three rooms in my house dedicated to all the
hobbies. It’s ridiculous. The last thing we all need is pressure to add more
time-sucking business to our lives. Most of my hobbies I do alone - and
remember - Satan works best when we are alone. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Neither
do you need the guilt of missing a singles dance or walking out of church when
the lesson is on temple marriage, for example. I’m not going to be the person
to say “stay in your seat and just endure it.” Nope. Not me. Sometimes I can
and there are times when I need to leave to protect myself because the human
beings who are called to teach, bless their hearts, can’t be held responsible
for scratching away at the protective emotional walls we have each built up around us. We waiters
need to thicken our skin, get a sense of humor and react to all things in love.
But we are human too, first and foremost. We must be human for a while. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It was in 2012 that I looked back
and said. What truly is the end goal? If I died tomorrow, the people who spoke
at my funeral would say - “all she ever talked about was wanting to be a wife
and mother. Though she eventually received those things, sort of, in God’s time
anyway, all she ever dreamed of was sitting down with a large family of her own
in this life. Too bad. So sad. Wahhhhhhh! But her carrot cake will change your
life!” Is that what I wanted people to say?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I was working as an administrator at
a charter school in Southern Utah, full time and then some and I needed to find
slivers of time in which I could raise my head out of<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the whirlpool of my pain and look around. But I didn't. I worked and worked and worked. I thought I could hide from pain at work. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Poor pity me. I didn’t get the traditional life I
wanted. Could I open my eyes to see others in my pity pool? Could I give a
little and not just take whatever sympathy anyone would give me? I was expecting people to know my pain, read my mind, and side-step any topic that might offend me. What was I thinking? I wasn't thinking about anything but me and my pain. I was toxic. To myself. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">If you are looking for new ideas to
pull you out of the pity pool, I don’t have any. But let’s look at those things
that we already DO or are supposed to be doing as a child of God and see if we
can put them in a waiters perspective. Let’s not add, let’s just re-adjust!
This will serve me a lot better than a new hobby anyway. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Caveat; font-size: 24.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Caveat; mso-fareast-font-family: Caveat;">Chapter 11- Love Yourself First<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Caveat; font-size: 24.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Caveat; mso-fareast-font-family: Caveat;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Self-esteem
goes to the very heart of our personal growth and accomplishment. Self-esteem
is the glue that holds together our self-reliance, our self-control, our
self-approval or disapproval, and keeps all self-defense mechanisms secure. It
is a protection against excessive self-deception, self-distrust, self-reproach,
and plain old-fashion selfishness.”<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><sup><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[1]</span></sup></b><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 6;"> </span>James
E. Faust<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When
I was in Thailand in 1988, we missionaries shared a film strip projector. There
were very few televisions and VCR's in the homes of the people we taught.
Occasionally we would get to teach a family past the initial Joseph Smith filmstrip
so we could talk about our relationship to God. I loved to show the filmstrip
of Johnny Lingo. Most of you know what I'm talking about. But for those that
don't - here's the 50 cent version in a nutshell:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In the story, Johnny Lingo is a
well-respected Polynesian trader. He comes to an island to bargain for a wife.
Mahana is the girl he loves but everyone on the island considers her withdrawn
and ugly. Her own father calls her "Mahana, you ugly!" (Which is what
we used to call each other when we were kids.) As the bargaining begins the
women of the island brag about how many cows they "sold for" and they
are sure that Mahana's father probably ought to give Johnny Lingo cows just to
get rid of her. But when Johnny comes the next day he brings eight cows!
Unheard of! The crowd go nuts! He pays the dowry for his wife and they go off
on their honeymoon. When they return, Mahana appears different. She is
beautiful, confident and happy. Johnny only had to prove to her that she had
incredible worth and it had nothing to do with what other people thought and
everything to do about what she thought of herself. In the end, it was Johnny
Lingo that got the bargain. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So cheesy. Makes me cry every time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Isn't there a little Mahana in
everyone? For so many years of my life I wondered, when I was asked out on a
date, “WHY is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">this guy</i> asking me
out?” I knew for sure that there was something wrong with him - and that was my
marker. I gave them no credibility in their choice, because not even I would
choose to go out with me. No matter how hard I worked, or how much education I
got, I wasn't taken seriously because I didn't take myself seriously. I never
let my eight-cow self out. I considered myself a no-cow gal.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">There
was a time in my life when I thought I didn’t matter to anyone. I was in my
thirties and watching my siblings, all younger than me, get married one by one.
I was married to my job. Most days I didn’t have time to find a bathroom let
alone find a companion. I was so lonely. Thank goodness I didn’t know is that I
would be headed into another 20 years of loneliness, bitterness and aching for
the blessings that were blossoming around me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Well, here is the big idea: YOU MUST
LOVE YOURSELF NO MATTER WHAT OR YOU WON’T UNDERSTAND THE LOVE OF OTHERS OR THE
LOVE THAT GOD HAS FOR YOU. </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">You
are not half of a whole. You must become whole yourself so that you can offer
yourself and your abilities to God and his children. You must accept yourself
for who you are instead of wishing you were someone else. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">One
of the concerning answers I had in my survey about expectations was from a
woman that I have been friends with my whole life. She said “...without the
ability to have children, I felt worthless to God.” I understood that
completely. Another one of my brothers said “I want to feel like I am worthy of
love even though I am gay.” My own mother said “I feel that I wasn’t given the
talents that my children have.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I was given this piece of advice
from Sarah Bauer Hernandez. She is a licensed therapist and life coach. She
said: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Pursuing loving kindness towards
yourself and others can help you release bitterness, because there simply isn’t
room for both. When you fill your heart with love instead of resentment, you
retrain yourself to see the best in yourself, your life, and the world around you.<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><sup><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[2]</span></sup></b><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
also sustain James E Faust in the following advice he gave at a BYU devotional
back in 1983! What a find! He gave this talk the week I was entering college
myself. I sure could have used it then. So timely for me today. The talk was
entitled <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Self Esteem: The Great Human
Need</i>. He gives six ways we can learn to love ourselves. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0in;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Keep
your free agency<o:p></o:p></span></b></li>
</ol>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He warns that addiction, habits and behaviors that destroy
your agency will destroy yourself respect first.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<ol start="2" style="margin-top: 0in;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Cultivate
humility<o:p></o:p></span></b></li>
</ol>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He isn’t talking about “sackcloth and ashes” but merely
remain teachable and open to learning. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<ol start="3" style="margin-top: 0in;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Be
honest<o:p></o:p></span></b></li>
</ol>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“To thine own self be true." <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<ol start="4" style="margin-top: 0in;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Love
work<o:p></o:p></span></b></li>
</ol>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He gave an incredible example of the flood of 1983 and how
more than a million sandbags had to be filled. “The former head of one of the
biggest companies in Utah wanted to be helpful in his neighborhood. Some of the
work was being directed by the bishop, and the bishop asked him to find the tie
strings and tie sandbags. He found tie strings in many places, some of them on
the ground, and he went around picking up the strings from the ground. It was
an emergency. Someone had to do it.”<sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftn3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title="">[3]</a></span></sup><a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftn3" title=""><!--[endif]--></a></span></sup><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><sup><br /></sup></span></sup></span></div>
<ol start="5" style="margin-top: 0in;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Love
self and others<o:p></o:p></span></b></li>
</ol>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Are we secure enough to laugh at ourselves, admit our
mistakes, and learn from them? IN order to love another human (including yourself,) you must have a sense of humor about being human. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<ol start="6" style="margin-top: 0in;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Love
God<o:p></o:p></span></b></li>
</ol>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 1.0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“So it is
that nobody is nobody. The seeds of divinity are in all of us. There will come
a day when we will have to account to God for what we have done with that
portion of divinity which is within each of us.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 1.0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I testify
that God loves each of us, warts and all. I testify that he knows each of our
names. I testify that each of us has a potential in this life and beyond the
grave that exceeds our fondest dreams.”<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftn4" name="_ftnref4" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><sup><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[4]</span></sup></b><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Nobody is nobody</i>!” Don’t you just love
that?! The worth of souls is great in the sight of God. Not just the worth of
married souls or those that are bringing children into the world. Our worth is
inherent in our nature as a child of God. We are sealed to Him individually.
That will never change. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And for all those ladies in waiting
out there (and I speak to myself as well)…Stop chasing after someone or
something. It occurs to me that all that time I spent chasing somebodies and
somethings, I should have spent chasing the beautiful me instead. This above
all to thine own self be true! I want to shout back to the 25 year old me and
say : “JAN!!! You be you! Do your own thing and work hard! If you stay positive
the right people will be drawn to you and will stick around. If you are
patient, exquisite blessings will be yours forever! I wouldn’t have believed it
then. But I do now. Well, I’m working on it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p> </o:p></span><b><span style="font-family: Caveat; font-size: 24.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Caveat; mso-fareast-font-family: Caveat;"><o:p> </o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Caveat; font-size: 24.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Caveat; mso-fareast-font-family: Caveat;">Chapter 11 The Love Yourself Recipe<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Caveat; font-size: 24.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Caveat; mso-fareast-font-family: Caveat;">The Ultimate Carrot/Pineapple/Applesauce
Cake<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It
seems like a waste to spend money on uncommon ingredients if we are only
cooking for two people. Isn’t that a shame? This is my favorite cake recipe but
I never make it because it takes time and a trip to the store. Well, dang it!
Let’s make it just for us!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Mix dry ingredients together<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">3 cups flour<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">2 cups sugar<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">2 tsp ground cinnamon<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">2 tsp baking powder<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1 tsp salt<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Add wet ingredients and just mix in
about 2 minutes - don’t over mix<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">4 large eggs<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1 cup vegetable oil<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1 cup sour cream<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1 cup applesauce<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1 tsp vanilla<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">FOLD in the good stuff last until
just incorporated<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">2 cups shredded carrots<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1 15 oz can of crushed pineapple
drained<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1 cup chopped walnuts<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Divide the batter equally between 3
8-inch round cake pans<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Bake for about 40-45 minutes or
until a toothpick, inserted in the center comes out clean<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Caveat; font-size: 18.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Caveat; mso-fareast-font-family: Caveat;">Cream
Cheese Frosting<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1/2 cup unsalted butter - room temp<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1 8 oz block cream cheese<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>- room temp<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">4 cups powdered sugar<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1 tsp vanilla<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Whip
together for about 7-8 minutes until you add a lot of air into it. It will hold
its shape better if you whip it longer than regular buttercream. Refrigerating it will also help it keep it's shape. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Caveat; font-size: 24.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Caveat; mso-fareast-font-family: Caveat;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Caveat; font-size: 24.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Caveat; mso-fareast-font-family: Caveat;">Chapter 11<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>- The Love Yourself Homework</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Caveat;">1. </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Identify
the main character in the current story of your life. Think carefully. Is
it you?</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">2. If you answered no to question
number 1, why is the answer someone other than you yourself?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p> </o:p></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">3.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If you answered yes to question number 1 - name FIVE positive character
traits that you like about yourself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><br clear="all" style="mso-break-type: section-break; page-break-before: auto;" />
</span>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">a.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">b.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">c.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">d.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">e.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Just kidding, one more…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">f. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p> </o:p></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">4. Think about someone you easily
and wholeheartedly love. How can you love yourself in that same way?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p> </o:p></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">5.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><b>Think about someone that you
wish all the happiness the world has to offer. <o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><b>Concentrate on the feeling that you
have for that person. <o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><b>Now offer the same kindness to
yourself.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><b>What do you wish for yourself? PLEASE TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY. WRITE IT ALL DOWN.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div style="mso-element: footnote-list;">
<!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><br clear="all" />
<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" />
<!--[endif]-->
<div id="ftn1" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[1]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> Self-Esteem, The Great Human Need, James E. Faust,
BYU Devotional, August 23, 1983<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn2" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[2]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="background: #CFE2F3; color: black; mso-color-alt: windowtext;">www.sarahbauerhernandez.com</span></i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn3" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftnref3" name="_ftn3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[3]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> Self-Esteem, The Great Human Need, James E. Faust,
BYU Devotional, August 23, 1983<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn4" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftnref4" name="_ftn4" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[4]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> Ibid.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
</div>
<br />JanHunsakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15091794687144885749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6939682088832127408.post-42971727912656194202020-04-23T18:12:00.002-06:002020-04-23T18:13:28.744-06:00Chapter 10: Coveting<br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "caveat"; font-size: 24.0pt;">CHAPTER 10 - The Cycle of Coveting <o:p></o:p></span></b><br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "caveat"; font-size: 24.0pt;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">THOU SHALT NOT COVET<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 4;"> </span>Exodus
20:17<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="color: #2c2d30; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I have nearly 2000 “friends” on Facebook. This social media
outlet has been both a blessing and a curse to me, (but mostly a blessing). It
has allowed me to locate and catch up with people that crossed my life’s path
in its various stages. It’s been fun to find former mission companions, old
roommates, (and I mean OLD - Liz I’m talking to you) mentors and neighborhood
pals that helped me build my life’s foundation. The problem with this kind of
social journaling, however, is that while I am posting pictures of the latest
play or wedding cake that I’ve created, a lot of my friends are posting
pictures of their newest fresh-from-the-womb baby or grandchild #8 that has
been created for all to see, even me. In my mind, towering chocolate fudge and
buttercream pales in comparison. </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Still,
the benefits of social journaling, for me, far outweigh flipping through (a few
thousand) ultrasounds and baby pictures no matter how green with envy I get. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">To
combat the envy I try to post things I’m grateful for.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">The
opposite of coveting is gratitude, right? I sometimes think “Thou Shalt Have
Gratitude” would have been a more positive spin on the tenth commandment. I
used to wonder why coveting was such a big deal at all. We watched Cecille B.
DeMille’s<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Ten Commandments</i> every Easter when I was in Seminary and every
year I would think, coveting seems like the one thing out of place on Moses’
list. What if I want something really bad? Shouldn’t I set goals and go after
it? Hmmm...Totally different thing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Coveting
is the last commandment on the list. It’s a commandment not as easily projected
as killing, or stealing, or honoring… We can hide it in our hearts. It eats us
from the inside out. It’s impossible not to break this commandment. It turns
contentment to bitterness. Peace to hostility. Value to worthlessness.
Happiness to depression. Coveting is a commandment for a reason<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>- its takes love away.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">We have gotten tickets to attend the
"Parade of Homes" every year. For those of you that are reading this
outside of the Utah a "Parade of Homes” s not like the kind of parade
where you walk down the street or play in a marching band. This is put together
by a group of home construction companies that build a house, have it furnished
and decorated to the nines, and then open them up for people to come and tour
them, like a museum. A museum where people live. Fancy, faaaancy people. This
year there are 28 homes on the tour. We visited 19 of the 28. After that I had
to stop, I was becoming sad and bitter. We actually sink into a depression of
coveteousness that makes going to work (teaching other people's kids) sheer
torture. Who owns those homes? Not teachers that's for sure. But a girl can
dream...er...covet.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Why do we torture ourselves so?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">One home on the parade had a 1950's
diner inside of it. Another had a tub that received its water from a hole in
the ceiling. There was a bedroom that had a glass-encased office on one end and
on the other end was a wall that could be opened completely to the pool and
yard. Almost like camping... at a Marriott executive hotel in Singapore.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">My favorite thing was the shower
that was like a car wash. There were at least eight shower heads coming out of
various places in the volcano rock tiled walls. It lacked an automated chamois
rub and wax. Shame. Disappointing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Along the bathroom wall of one house
were three or four tiled insets like permanent shadow boxes. There were about a
foot square in size. One of the little holes contained a tiny little cactus, growing in
a teeny, tiny fishbowl laid on its side in a bed of tiny purple pebbles. I did
write "J + A" in the perfect pebble bed. It was just calling out to
me. When I lived in Japan and people would rake their pebble yards, the
temptation was too much. I left secret messages all over Japan. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">There was a house with a glass
stairs. G.L.A.S.S. stairs. I really thought twice about going down them but
sucked my stomach in (like that would make me weigh less) and gingerly
descended into a theatre room that sat about 30 people on leather loungers. I
could have napped all afternoon and no one would have known.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">There was a secret pantry in one
home that could double as a fallout shelter, a circular dining room made of
glass that overlooked the backyard pool and pool house, a house with 12-foot
ceilings in the b.a.s.e.m.e.n.t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh, and
on house had a dining table made of hewn cherrywood that sat 24. 24! Give me
that right now. I stood in front of that table for a full five minutes until I
was wallowing “in full c.o.v.e.t.” We avoid the dining table at my house
because it always feels as if someone is missing. I envisioned the banquets,
the Thanksgiving dinners. Andy is lucky if he gets a grilled cheese with his
tomato soup. The vision of having 24 people around a table made from the wood
of a family tree...I’m emotional just thinking about it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Speaking of wood stuff - in all the
fancy homes there were little and big wooden signs painted to look antique that
say “LIVE LOVE LAUGH” and “Just Because Two People Fell in Love,” and “This is
Our Happy Place” and other truly covetous little sayings in a multitude of bedrooms
for every kind of kid...you know what I’m talking about. Anyway, it was enough
to make an infertile LDS couple completely bonkers with jealousy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I don't deny them their American
Dream. I'm all about the free enterprise system. I just want to know why I was
so attracted to teaching school? I knew better! Having grown up with a dad that
taught...did I think the paycheck would be different for me? He worked three
jobs for decades to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">keep us alive</i>. I
went into this teaching thing with FULL knowledge that I would never own a home
with glass stairs. D.U.H.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Truthfully I never thought I would
teach or would teach for very long. I thought I would get married and all my
troubles would be over. In New Rochelle... or Levittown or some (where that's
green) musical theatre place like that. But not only did I become a teacher, but I also married one! DOUBLE D.U.H.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Our home is warm and comfortable. It
holds a collection of furniture from that past 20 years of producing plays. But
somehow it works -<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>it's sort of Broadway
Bohemian, if you will. For example, there are three lamps in the living room,
one we bought for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Black Comedy</i>, one
for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">You Can't Take It With You</i> and
the last has a shade from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Stage Door</i>
and a stem from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Miracle Worker</i>.
You get the idea. We have a master bedroom, an office and a craft room where we
could have extra beds - but why? I'm always fine with my eclectic home, until I
go through the extravagant Parade of Homes and we come home "Bitter At the
World. Party of Two."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">There is one thing in my house that
I bought at the trendy home store, just for me. It is a wooden cutout that
stands on a shelf next to the pictures of our two dogs. It is just as cheesy as
any other antiqued wooden sign and it says "<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Bloom Where You're Planted</i>." Deep breath.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">At first, I rebelled against that
trite cliche, thinking "I might as well have a house covered in mauve
wallpaper." But, cliches are always born out of truth you know. I kept
seeing the darn thing in craft stores when I was shopping for shows or in the
Hobby Lobby ad. As if to say "THIS MESSAGE IS FOR YOU JAN!" <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">So after our last Parade of Homes in
St. George, I walked into my little space again, limped around, and lamented my
lot as usual. Old furniture, small townhome. No yard, the fridge door was actually
tied shut because it was broken. If I'd only gone to law school we might have
nice things. The steaming smell of covet wafting through the house. Then I
dragged my eyes to the little wooden sign..."Bloom Where You're
Planted."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Get yourself together, I
thought. That dang fridge makes a mighty cold Diet Coke I thought. And that
yard is mowed by someone else. I can put my feet up on the furniture and not
even think about it twice. The best thing is, if there are guests staying at
the Hunsaker Hotel, just give me one trash bag and the Swiffer and I'm feeling
ready in minutes. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Our life <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">is</i> a Garden of Eden. It is a virtual FARM full of
blooming...blooming high school kids that belong to other people. I don’t have
to pay for their braces, or college or rehab...not even kidding about that last
one. And we...we are going to be fine because we are great kid farmers. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><b><u>Waiting on the Lord’s blessings, in
the Lord’s time, is a sign of love and trust. Coveting is the absolute
opposite. </u></b>Anybody can go through the ordinances demanded of justice and mercy,
but not everyone will wait, endure to the end, to see the payoff. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Think about the payoff. Who will be
coveting then? Huh?<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I
think the world is glorious and lovely as can be<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">The
birds and bees and blossoms bring sweet messages to me<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I
sing and sing and sing and sing a song of joy and love<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I
sing and sing and sing and sing my thanks to God above.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><sup><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[1]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></span></sup></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "caveat"; font-size: 24.0pt;">Recipe
for Chapter 10</span></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "caveat"; font-size: 24.0pt;">Bloom
Where You’re Planted Tomato Basil Soup</span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 24.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">1 medium onion - diced<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">2 big carrots - diced<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">3 cloves chopped garlic<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">2 T butter<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">1 T olive oil<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Black pepper to taste<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">1 pinch of cayenne pepper (or more
if you like it spicier)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">2 quarts of canned tomatoes - juice
and all <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">2 cups chicken stock<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">½ cup fresh basil (more for garnish
or you can leave it out if you want)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">1 cup cream (or half & half)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0in;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Caramelize
onion, carrot and garlic together in a deep soup pot with butter and oil<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">When
the vegetables are brown and soft (about 10 minutes), stir in the tomatoes
(juice and all) and stock<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Let it simmer
for about 30 minutes or until it has reduced to your liking <o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Let it
cool slightly<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Blend
until silky smooth (I use a Magic Bullet blender)<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Pour
back in the pot and add cream and basil - heat thoroughly and serve with a
grilled cheese sandwich for dipping!<o:p></o:p></span></li>
</ol>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Serves about 4 - but at our house it
only serves 2 and then I take the rest to work the next day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "caveat"; font-size: 24.0pt;">Chapter 10 Homework</span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Neal
A. Maxwell said we should work on the righteous desires of our heart
“relentlessly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">1.
What are your righteous desires?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">2.
How are you working relentlessly on your righteous desires?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">3.
How can you decrease the gap, if you are not working on your righteous desires?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="mso-element: footnote-list;">
<!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><br clear="all" />
<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" />
<!--[endif]-->
<br />
<div id="ftn1" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[1]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 10.0pt;"> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I Think the World is
Glorious</i>, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #333333;">Words:</span></i><span style="color: #333333;"> Anna Johnson, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Music:</i>
Alexander Schreiner<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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</div>
</div>
<br />JanHunsakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15091794687144885749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6939682088832127408.post-44299625046999893982020-04-22T08:14:00.002-06:002020-04-22T08:15:53.816-06:00Chapter 9: Bitterness<br />
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Bitterness and love cannot live
together in the same heart. Each day, we must decide which one gets to stay.” ~
Dave Willis<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><o:p></o:p></b></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Loneliness’
BFF is bitterness. Bitterness results from promises that have been made and are
seemingly forgotten. We’ve all read the scripture “For with God nothing shall
be impossible”<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[1]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a> and
so we want everything, right now...and especially if we are exercising our
faith - shouldn't we be getting it? All of our righteous desires?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Between 2012 and 2014 I asked (and kept track of the answers) 218 of my God-believing friends/family “what kinds of things did you
expect God to bless you with that you feel you had to wait for - or are still
waiting for?” Here are a few of the common denominators. Some surprising, most
not at all.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">The
biggest category was companionship and/or the lack of children. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“not being able to get pregnant”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“I felt like I had no value if I
wasn’t going to be able to be a mom”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“true love that doesn’t get me
ostracized from the church that I grew up in and love with all my heart”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“becoming a mother, infertility,
failed adoption placements”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Marriage, children…”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“After my mission I thought God owed
me a husband.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“A forever partner.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Children. Still waiting.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“...to be able to have children.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“True love.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“A husband and children.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Someone to love and someone who
will love me also.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“I had done all the things, checked
all the boxes, and expected to do the Mormon things and be pregnant on the
wedding night and rear twelve gloriously perfect children. It was a rough road
especially when teaching school and seeing all the mentally, physically and
sexually abused children and knowing I would be a more responsible caretaker
for His children. I took some time to realize my role was still to help raise
and guide - it’s just most of the children I was helping weren’t going to come
through me, but to me.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Peace of mind/contentment was the
next biggest category:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Peace of mind.” (Repeated 5 times
from five different people)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Having more patience and peace of
mind.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“I thought life would be more
peaceful, that if I worked hard, made good choices, that it would be smooth
sailing. I have matured and understand things differently now. But I ask for
peace a lot, I don’t ask anymore to understand.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Peace.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Contentment, joy, understanding.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“I have learned that what I try to
make my life’s plan might be pretty amazing but nothing compared to His plan
for me. I just have to go with it and stop fighting.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“The capacity to be content with His
timing.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Several
answers gave me pause to ponder and I’m so grateful to those that opened their
hearts to me. I thought gathering a list like this would be so hard! Knowing
that everyone was struggling like I am helped me find new perspective.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Pause
to ponder:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“to have the strength to get back up
again and again and... again”.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“I know that I am blessed beyond
measure , but I still insist on pulling out my self-made measuring stick to see
how much my blessings don’t match my expectations.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“I’ve learned not to expect anything
of Him. God works through Humans. Humans are fickle and inconsistent and I just
have to accept that. I can’t tell if that is a more healthy way to have a
relationship (one without expectations I mean) or less healthy. But that’s
what’s happened.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“I guess all I really expect is that
He will keep His promises and even then I know His timing isn’t my timing and
extends into the next life. So I guess I don’t expect anything too specific,
but I sure hope for a lot.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“My mind works in a transactional
way - I do the homework, you give me the grade. I do everything “right” and God
blesses me with my righteous desires.” But you know better than I do this isn’t
how it works. I’ve been working on my mindset and remembering that God<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>blesses me no matter what I do, say, etc. His
blessings are perfect, no matter what I thought I was “supposed” to get.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“I do not expect anything of Him
except love.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“I work to not play the “I’ll be
happy when...” game. I’m choosing to be happy now, It’s a journey not an
event.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">And
my favorite answer:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“I just need a hug.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">It’s
an interesting conundrum then. We work to bring about blessings that we need to
feel whole, to feel like we are progressing, and when those blessings don’t
come about we tend to blame God for “holding them back” from us. I don’t
believe He holds anything back - but rather, we must wait for all of the
circumstances to align before our blessings can align as well. Consequently, <span style="color: #212225;">“Righteous desires need to be relentless”<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="color: #212225; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[2]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a>,
because, said President Brigham Young, “the men and women who desire to obtain
seats in the celestial kingdom, will find that they must battle every day.”<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftn3" name="_ftnref3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="color: #212225; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[3]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a>
Nothing can be expected, just prayed for in faith. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">My mission really solidified my
belief system. Which is great, but then for six or seven years after I came
home, I was looking for the next prophet to marry, but I was also working 65
hours a week....and let's face it, the pickin's got slimmer and slimmer. I
might as well have made myself a sign: "marry me and become an instant set
builder, lighting designer and father of 200." I did not make myself very
available. I did not separate work from life at the time. Was I working
relentlessly on my righteous desires? No. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">But in my early 30's, my path
crossed with someone that bought into the set building and the high school
kids. He was an actor himself, what luck! He would <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">GET</i> me. We were great friends. We got engaged. I cut out a wedding
dress. Pictures were taken. I thought things were finally going to work out.
But...it didn't. He wasn't ready. Stunned silence. Ring flying. Doors slamming.
Ceremonial invitation burning (thanks mom!). I reacted in typical scorned woman
fashion and threw myself into a gall of unimaginable bitterness.
F...O...R.....F...I...V...E......Y...E...A...R...S.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I call this my Dark Ages. Those
years were almost Gothic in tone and style really. It was this time in my life
that I was figuring out who I was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
didn’t do it in the teenage years like most people, I guess. For about a year
after I had thrown that diamond back, I wasted time on hate. I became a person I
didn’t like. I was scared to go into a grocery store for fear I would run into
him. I became a kind of agoraphobic and I stuck to my school and bedroom. I
buried myself in my work until I was a recluse. I ate every meal in my car.
Then as time passed, too much time, I clung on to the idea that he might
realize his mistake and return to me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">What I didn’t have the courage to do
was to empty my heart of him. In 1997, I produced 8 plays. One every six weeks.
No human should do that. At that point I had convinced myself that if he didn’t
like me enough to marry me, there must be something very wrong with <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">me</i></b>…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">…as I suspected. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I guess this is my warning: the <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">bitterness</i></b>
of taking care of everything and everyone, eventually seeps into the cracks and
crevices of your good survival attitude especially if NO ONE is taking care of
you. Eventually, at least for me, depression sinks in and I didn’t take the
time to deal with it. No one fought for my sanity not even me. I had no love
for myself left because I let that event destroy my self-esteem.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I spent this season of my life
wrestling with my conscience, my self-image, my natural man. I fought my
religion, even my art was stale and canned. I fought everything and everyone
that tried to tell me what I needed to do to be happy. I was so lonely and I
could see my siblings little families taking off like wildfire which normally
would make me so happy! But soon enough I had a dozen nieces and nephews and I
was livid about it. Not with them, but with God. I built up a wall of
bitterness that could be seen from the moon. I built a house to manifest my
singular power. I thought that house would say “I can have anything a married
couple has!” But the house engulfed me in loneliness
further magnifying what I didn’t have. No one was there to take out the
trash but me. No one was there to get me an extra blanket if I was cold. No one
was there to rub my feet after a 16 hour day...oh wait...no one does that now
that I’m married. Well - can’t win ‘em all. I was in the pity pool up to my
neck and about to go under.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">My strategy was to simply ignore my
pathetic life. I went back to school and got a Master’s Degree in directing to
further prove my prowess as a single person and I thought it would help restart
my creative juices. It might boost my self-worth at least. When I was finished,
with a 4.0, I was a top candidate for a theatre position at BYU. In the final
interview, I was summoned to the church office building in Salt Lake City for
my final interview. It was a polite interview, more of the same questions and
then…he asked me why I wasn’t married.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Gah! My heart stopped.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">(This next part was a defining
moment in my life and that’s why I include it.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">He said “We prefer to hire married
women because we’ve had some trouble with our single faculty members…you
understand.” I did not, but I could assume some things based on his
eye-rolling. He asked me if I was dating anyone and I was, sort of, dating a
man I didn’t have romantic feelings for, but I sure liked him; I appreciated
him. I had dated a lot of men but did not feel the Spirit push me to pursue any
of them romantically. I wanted to say “Do you know what’s out there?” but
decided against it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">He then explained to me “perhaps you
have the mentality of the high school students you teach. Love isn’t about the
bells and whistles. You can fall in love with anyone over time…” This poor man
that had been asked to interview me…he didn’t know how bitter I was, and how I
was about to run screaming out of his office and out of the church. My head was
swimming and then the nail went shattering into the coffin: “Sister Shelton,
are you a Lesbian?” For the record I didn’t scream and go running out of the
church office building or the church. I held it together until I got to my car
in the parking garage and then I cried for two hours before I could even raise
my hand to turn the ignition. In hindsight I wish I’d have said to him “being a
Lesbian might be easier” just to see the look on his face. But I didn’t. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">And for FIVE MORE more years it just
got darker and darker. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">As the years went on I told people
“I don’t need a man to complete me.” The truth is, no man would have loved the
incomplete mess I was At that time. (In hindsight and ironically, getting
married didn’t solve the problem either. I still have the feeling that there
are large chunks of happy missing in my life…only the category is different.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Well, it took me nearly a decade to
apply the old Buddhist adage “holding onto anger is like drinking poison and
waiting for the other person to die.”<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b>I
was positively poisonous when I turned 40. It was no wonder I was still single.
I think I was addicted to bitterness at that point. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Then there was the day I lovingly
call “black Sunday.” I saw a young family sitting on a church pew ahead of me
with three little kids sandwiched between them. My heart leapt into my throat.
I remained in my seat. I was determined to “grow up” and quit belly-aching
about what I didn’t have and think about my blessings. I have always been
blessed with a great amount of hope and faith. I just kept adjusting my grip to
the proverbial iron rod because I could not deny the testimony I have that I am
a daughter of God and that I am continually sustained by His angels around me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">So, after getting all of their kids
settled into coloring books and Cheerios, the dad leaned over with his arm along
the back of the bench and rubbed his thumb over his wife’s shoulder blade. They
turned, smiled at each other and locked eyes for a long time, their eternal
bond effortlessly projected right in front of me. I will never forget that
moment as long as I live.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I lost it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I stood up and left the building.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I drove immediately to the nearest
LDS temple parking lot and just sat in my car. I promised God that if he would
take away my feelings of bitterness, I would serve him all the days of my
life. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u>But I was not going to keep
searching for a man. I was done. DONE! </u></i>He was going to have to drop one
in my lap. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">The resounding answer I got, sitting
in the Timpanogos Temple parking lot, was that I was going to have to be okay
with myself first. I was going to have to be able to see myself as a whole
person and not some bitter “Lady in Waiting.” Waiting for what? There was this
tiny voice saying, “Who are you?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I didn’t even know. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">So for birthday number 40 I
re-acquainted myself with myself. I let go of all of the feelings of guilt I
had for not going to all those singles dances, I got rid of my account on
LDSsingles.com, I started consciously trying to expunge myself of the bitterness.
I had to recommit myself to studying the scriptures, I had to make time to
really study. I had to get to know my neighbors. I had to take visiting
teaching seriously<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>- all things that I
wasn’t very good at. The wall of protection I had built up around me turning
into a strength. I was relaxing. I had finally stopped worrying about my
future. I was just taking one little day at a time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">A <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>month</u></b> after my 40<sup>th</sup> birthday, Hyrum
Smith, not the brother of Joseph, but the guy that invented the Franklin Day Planner,
came to my work and shook my hand. He said “come work for me at Tuacahn.” And I
picked it all up and left my students, my hometown, my parents, and my
bitterness.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">And I started over by myself.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">What a person doesn’t realize is
that you can do nothing by yourself. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">The fact is, all these years I kept
going to church – for one reason: I needed a companion in my life and I could
not deny that Jesus Christ was that person for me during that time. I leaned on
Him. I felt His presence in my life. He was in my home, in my classroom and His
Spirit was all around me. I had no one else. Inadvertently, through those murky
years, I was crying out to my Heavenly Father so much that I was developing a
concrete relationship with my deity that would prepare me for a personal
Renaissance.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">President Uchtdorf said, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Patience—the ability to put our desires on
hold for a time—is a precious and rare virtue. We want what we want, and we
want it now. Therefore, the very idea of patience may seem unpleasant and, at
times, bitter.”<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftn4" name="_ftnref4" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><sup><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[4]</span></sup></b><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a> <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Well, at this point I had decided I
had waited long enough and life was unfair. I was going to be officially
disappointed so I built up a wall of bitterness to keep out...to keep what out?
Other people. Gee...what a great idea.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It was unsafe to get my hopes up. Faith in that path was gone. I didn’t
want to open my heart to anyone that would knock it around, so I closed it off
tight. Bitterness will do that. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">So
I have learned over the years of being single and then childless in a heavily
child-ed church, to keep my ears shut sometimes. Let it roll off my back. If I
let it affect me every time there was a lesson on family in the LDS church, I
would simply never be able to go to my worship services! Heaven forbid I get
offended by the cute mom in church that comments "motherhood is fantastic!
I love it! It's eeeeeverything!" Those exact words came out of a woman's
mouth in one of my Sunday meetings last week. Did I get up and walk out? No. I
said in my mind: "Stay in your chair, Hunsaker. You know she doesn't mean
to offend you personally. She's saying it because it's true. You feel hurt by
it because you want what she has too. She doesn't know that. She's not thinking
about you. She doesn't have to think about you. She gets to say what she wants."
And then I said out loud, "SHUUUUUT<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>UPPPP you beast with the perfect ovaries and the precious baby slobber
on your shoulder!" And THEN I walked out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">JUST
KIDDING!!!! Ha! Had you for a minute didn’t I? I did no such thing. But I sure
did think about it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "caveat"; font-size: 24.0pt;"><i>Recipe
for Chapter 9 - Bitterness</i><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">No summer barbeque is complete
without chips and dip. But be careful! This stuff is addictive! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "caveat"; font-size: 18.0pt;">Shelton
Fam’s Bitter Dill Pickle Dip<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">1 8 oz. block of cream cheese at
room temperature<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">½ cup sour cream<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">2 large dill pickles finely chopped<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">1 T onion finely chopped<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">2 T apple cider vinegar<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">2 T pickle juice (or more to taste)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">1 tsp salt<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">1 T dried dill weed<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Couple of notes: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0in;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo4;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Apple
cider vinegar is powerful stuff. You might want to start with half of this
amount and add more if you like it. <o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo4;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">You can
also add garlic powder if you like it. <o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo4;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">If you
like it really chunky - add another pickle!<o:p></o:p></span></li>
</ol>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Just double this recipe right from
the beginning. Get a bag of ruffled potato chips and share with a friend.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "caveat"; font-size: 24.0pt;"><i>Homework
for Chapter 9</i><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">You know that feeling when you pull
a weed from the root - the entire thing comes out - and there is a sort of
popping noise that comes with it? That’s what needs to happen when we have
bitterness. It’s got to come out root and all.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">1. Can you weed something today? Even metaphorically, is there something in your life you need to get rid of root and all? Even if it's only the old clothes in your closet, what can you "weed" today?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">2. Think
of a bitter person that you may know. What makes them that way? Describe
what makes them so bitter.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">3. Cynicism, jealousy, grudges, attention-seeking
and negativity are several states <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">of being that psychologists suggest
might be comfort zones for bitter people. These are horrible states of
emotional fragility. Can you identify these tendencies in your own mortality? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">4. Praying for someone often makes
us feel like we are searching for the same things.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Want to have an uplifting
experience? Pray for someone who has harmed you. Someone cut you off in
traffic? Pray for them...Someone ghosted you? Pray for them. Someone lied about
you? Pray for them. We can get in the habit of praying for people instead of
cursing at them. (Ok, I admit this takes practice….) Try it! It’s homework!
Record your feelings here!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;">5. </span>A
lot of health professionals will tell you that getting over bitterness requires
forgiveness. How is this possible? Is there someone you need to forgive? <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="mso-element: footnote-list;">
<!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><br clear="all" />
<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" />
<!--[endif]-->
<br />
<div id="ftn1" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[1]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> Luke 1:37<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn2" style="mso-element: footnote;">
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<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[2]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">According to
the Desire of our Hearts</i>,” Neal A. Maxwell, Ensign, November, 1996<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn3" style="mso-element: footnote;">
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<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftnref3" name="_ftn3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[3]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> Brigtham Young, Journal of Discourses, 11:14<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Desktop/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftnref4" name="_ftn4" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[4]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> Deiter F. Uchtdorf<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">,
“Continue in Patience”</i>, Ensign, May 2010<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
</div>
<br />JanHunsakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15091794687144885749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6939682088832127408.post-12737222309577070642020-04-20T15:56:00.003-06:002020-04-20T16:09:11.400-06:00Part 3: Satan, Loneliness & Social Rejection<br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "caveat"; font-size: 24.0pt;"><i>PART
3 - Satan’s Weapons of Choice for Waiters</i><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">In addition to inventing a lot of
language Shakespeare often used the truisms and platitudes of his time. A well-known expression in Shakespeare’s time was “the Prince of Darkness is a
gentleman.” Edgar says it to his father in Shakespeare’s play <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">King Lear</i>. Lear was an impatient
character dealing with old age which in his case, also brought mental
disintegration and irrational fears, a great combination for tragedy, eh?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">We would expect Satan to ride in on
billows of fire wearing black robes and spiky horns, like in the movies. But
remember he doesn’t have shoulders in which to drape a long black cape. Instead, he’ll use the weapons of a gentleman. He probably comes in an attractive
package. He’ll look so enticing. His plan will seem easy, maybe he’ll offer you
an “easy” short cut to one of your goals. He may offer you a relationship that
seems to solve all of your problems, take away your guilt, or provide you with
a moment of companionship or relief from pain. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">It won’t be something that is
advantageous to you in the long-run, but it sounds and looks so darn good at
the time. It might solve your loneliness, or bitterness for a minute. Remember
that his only goal is your downfall. He wears many disguises, and every time he
moves in to bring you down it will be to come between you and your family, your
friends, your God, your peace of mind. He will enslave you with addiction. He
will pin you in the bondage of your weaknesses. He will magnify your doubt. He will make you blame your situation, question your shared Heavenly parentage and rage over what may seem like the futility of
it all...this life...these trials...this waiting. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">He is real. He has goals. I imagine
that he also feels joy when he achieves his goals too, in a wicked, subversive
way. I imagine that he was an amazing spirit of our Heavenly Father! He had
talents! Remember that he was so respected in the pre-earth life that his
opinion mattered - to everyone! But he doesn’t have a body - and that is a
scary kind of power to me. Just as the Holy Ghost doesn’t have a body - both
spirits must be able to wear many disguises to achieve their goals. The
difference is, the Holy Ghost is omniscient and will elevate you in every way,
and Satan can only get to know you by your actions and lead you down to your
spiritual destruction.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Beware: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u>Satan works best when you are alone</u>.</i> Look at Eve. I’m sure
he enjoyed a good laugh at her naive expense. I think he also feels rage and
futility. Why else would he work so hard? Amazingly he already knows something
absolutely true and he doesn’t need faith to know it: He knows God lives and
loves him too. he also lives with the fact that it’s he, himself that prevented
his eternal progression and he KNOWS IT FOR SURE. That, my friends, is his
personal hell. That would be hellacious for sure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">See, for me, I have to have faith
and patience. My faith is a cushion between me and my human failings. I have
faith that through the atonement of Jesus Christ - my mortal failings will be
forgiven and I will be able to overcome Satan’s temptations. It’s the reason I
go to church to take the sacrament. I have to. I’m human. I’m susceptible to
Satan’s staggering power. So here’s the real question then: if I can identify
Satan’s army in my life just as easily as I can identify the Holy Ghost why
isn’t it easier for me to deal with it when it comes? I have to make it easier.
What can we waiters do when we sit out in the open, alone and vulnerable?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Well - that isn’t this book. I can,
as a long-time waiter myself, tell you that when non-waiters tell me to have
patience and tell me that I will surely be blessed in the next life, I want to
do a devilish thing and punch them in the gut and run. I know I should get a
hobby! I know I should go to the ward parties! I know I should reach out and
serve more...blah, blah, blah…How many times do you think we have to be
reminded at firesides that “our time will come?” We’re the ones at the
firesides! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">But truly - we need to open a
discussion about the three major tools that Satan uses to deceive the waiters.
By understanding what the weapon does, we will be able to identify its power
and meet it with stronger weapons of our own.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "caveat"; font-size: 24.0pt;">Chapter
8 - Tool #1 </span></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "caveat"; font-size: 24.0pt;">Loneliness and Social Rejection<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "caveat"; font-size: 24.0pt;">The Grand
Tools of the Devil<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">No
man is an island,<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">entire
of itself;<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">every
man is a piece of the continent,<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">a
part of the main...<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Any
man’s death diminishes me,<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">because
I am involved in mankind;<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">and
therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">it
tolls for thee.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Meditation
17 by John Donne, 1623<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Some never-married, divorced or widowed
children of God have a common denominator and it is loneliness. Loneliness is
so destructive that it is one of the biggest weapons in Satan’s arsenal and he
uses it with this group of singles more than any other thing I think.
Loneliness now has a new modern friend called “social rejection.” So not only
are we lonely, but we have been denied access to a tribe or partner. Maybe our
past experiences have taught us that being in a tribe is too much work, too
scary, even painful.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">We are all going to cope with rejection at some point in our
lives; it’s impossible to go through our life and have every single person be
nice to us every single minute. I cast plays several times a year and that
rejection is tough, but it isn’t a bad thing. We can learn from rejection as
long as we can put it into perspective and not let Satan use it as a tool to
make us feel lousy about ourselves by taking rejection too personally. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts.</span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"> I was just about to say to myself, “well, I’m safe because I
have 2000 friends on Facebook,” but in </span><span style="color: #2c2d30; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Psychology Today it explained the modern irony of today’s social
media versus the vast epidemic of loneliness. The article asserts that while
some people may point to fame and fortune as the key to their happiness, the
vast majority of us indicate that friends and family are the real prizes. It
goes on to say that “feelings of loneliness and isolation affect all types and
ages of people, although some, like adolescents and the elderly, are more likely
to be impacted than others. It doesn’t matter if a teenager has 500 Instagram
connections, that vast network can’t ameliorate the emotional desolation of
loneliness. Fewer but closer personal relationships are more important.”<a href="file:///C:/Users/Owner/Downloads/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="color: #2c2d30; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[1]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a>
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2c2d30; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I can’t count the number of resources that I
found that can prove that loneliness causes physical and mental illness. One
surprising study revealed that loneliness heightens a person’s flight-or-fight
response - a physiological reaction to facing harm or danger. So instead of
fighting their social isolation, it proliferates it - feeding the
heart-breaking cycle. </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I’ve been in that cycle! I have
friends, family members, and students that I see in the cycle too. In February
of 2015, <span style="color: #333333;">scientists reported in the journal </span></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; text-decoration: none;"><a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1007/s00265-014-1869-6">Behavioural Ecology and Sociobiology</a> </span></i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">that when they
isolated ants from their group, they lived only six days, whereas those that
stayed with the group lived an average of 66 days. Both groups were given the
same amount of food, but the lonely ants just walked and walked around without
stopping, exerting all their energy and in six short days, died. In short, the
isolated ants didn’t know how to behave without their group. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">They died. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I don’t know what actually caused
the ants to die, but I’m going to assume that it was loneliness. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Loneliness has been a near-death
experience for me and that’s why we should talk about it. It started with
isolated crying, a lot of crying. Usually at night and anytime the bed felt
larger or colder than it was. I got into a habit of falling asleep in my
Laz-y-boy in front of the T.V. at night to avoid the vacant bed. That way, if I
staggered to the bed later I wouldn’t have time to think about how empty it was
before I had collapsed into my coma. If I got into the bed too soon the
loneliness would wrap its creepy, cold arms around me and shake me all night
keeping me awake with questions...wondering what was going to happen to me if I
didn't find someone to share my life with? Who was going to help me out in my
old age? Should I put more money into my retirement so I could afford to hire
someone to take care of me? Should I build a house with just one bedroom or
three, why three, maybe just one big one…okay two, I should have hope at least.
Should I have my eggs frozen now? (Just kidding, I never thought that. BECAUSE
I WAS D.U.M.B. and should have thought that but I was an idiot. I SOOO wish I
had thought about that then. I digress.) The dialogue I had with myself never
stopped.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">When you are single you don’t have
anyone to talk to on a regular basis and as you ask yourself all these
questions all the time, the REALLY big question started to haunt me: what will
happen when I started talking back out loud to the voices in my head? Will
someone commit me to a psychiatric hospital? Should I just do that now to
prevent the inevitable and at the very least save my family from having to do
it? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">What’s wrong with me that no one
loves me?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Am I weird?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I must be weird. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Well, poop. I guess I’ll just stay
in tonight. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">And the cycle rears its ugly head
over and over again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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The idea that loneliness affects our physical well-being is not new. Dr. James J. Lynch, professor of psychology at The University of Maryland, spoke at a BYU forum in October of 1979. He wrote a book called The Broken Heart: The Medical Consequences of Loneliness (1977). Dr. Lynch, not a member of the Church, found that heart rhythms of hospital patients improved dramatically when a nurse simply touched a patient to take his pulse—even when the patient was comatose and dying.[2]<br />
<br />
He presented some ugly data supporting the idea that not only did social rejection and loneliness create a pretty bad life, they are also a major cause contributing factor to an early death. Here are a few examples of his research: <br />
<br />
● Seventeen married people commit suicide for every ninety-two widowed and divorced people.<br />
<br />
● For every eleven married people who die of cirrhosis of the liver, seventy-seven single adults do a seven-fold increase.<br />
<br />
● Six married people die of pneumonia for every forty-two single adults who do, a seven-fold increase.<br />
<br />
● Between two and three times as many single people die of heart disease as married people; twice as many single adults as marrieds die of cancer.<br />
<br />
Douglas Nemecek, MD, Cigna’s chief medical officer for behavioral health, said the findings of a May 2018 study suggest that the problem of loneliness has reached “epidemic” proportions. He said “Loneliness has the same impact on mortality as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, making it even more dangerous than obesity.” [3] <br />
<br />
!<br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">My
single friend Justin has such an incredibly positive outlook on loneliness:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“I hate
being alone but like I’m sure you experienced too, you’re not really ever
alone. You just get lonely sometimes and wish life were different but there
really are compensatory blessings and there is always hope if you keep working
at it.</span></i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">”<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Yes!
Thank you, Justin! Compensatory blessings are everywhere! Back in 2016 when the
church remodeled it’s home and visiting teaching programs, I was unsure how to
go about “ministering” to the women on my list. I really do love the simple
word change from visiting to ministering. It’s so active. The hardest thing for
me is starting a conversation with someone I don’t know very well. I’m just not
great at being forced into a relationship with someone out of the blue. But I
can bake a loaf of banana bread that will knock your socks off. So that’s what
I started doing. I just bake extra and take it around. Andy calls it “bake and
take.” The banana bread is the world’s easiest conversation starter and so far
- only one person in the world has ever denied its entrance into their house.
But I tried! And that’s all you can ever do. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br /></div>
In 2007, we moved into a townhome unit in St. George and were the first to buy. It was what two teachers could afford at the time. You've got to really love your neighbors when you move into a townhome and be a good neighbor. Eventually, the neighborhood filled in and they were incredible people. Like the kind of people you run to when your end of the building is on fire and you're in your underwear. Those people were stellar. So when the last people moved in, the people that would share a wall with us, we were excited to meet them and welcome them into our awesome club.<br />
<br />
They were not excited to meet us.<br />
<br />
While the moving truck was pulled up out front we went over and introduced ourselves. They were polite. Their small son had a Batman costume on. Which, incidentally, he never took off in four years. Dad shook Andy's hand. He was very nice. Mom looked about my age which secretly made me happy because everyone else in the hood was half my age and bearing children right and left. We offered to help bring in boxes and it was like we had an infectious disease all of the sudden. "Don't touch anything," she said flatly, "we're fine." I stepped back in shock and put my hands down. <br />
<br />
Who says that? No one. You smile and say, "Oh, we're almost done but thanks anyway," or "You're so nice but we've got a system..." or something. Sheesh. "Don't touch anything."<br />
<br />
I was unphased. I would go down with the ship as usual. So…<br />
<br />
<div>
A few days later, instead of crashing on the couch after work, I got out the old Ninth Ward cookbook and baked some famous Zona Steiner Banana Bread (I had a hard time letting it out of the house). While it was still hot, I wrapped it, tagged it with "Welcome home neighbors!!!!" Smiley face. Too many exclamation points. "Please rely on us for anything you need. Andy, Jan, Gus and Lily." Then I took three steps over to their front door, lights on everywhere, I could hear and see the T.V. on, the kid running around screaming, mom yelling at him. "They will fit right in here," I thought. I rang the bell. <br />
<br />
Silence.<br />
<br />
More silence. Like everyone inside the house had frozen, wondering what to do. Eyes shifting.<br />
<br />
I took a step back. Maybe I was too close, "in their space" so to speak. That bread was hot so I switched hands. Rude to ring twice? Oh well. I was committed. Loud bell.<br />
<br />
Creepy silence.<br />
<br />
I saw the blind shut quickly. Too quickly. I took another step back.<br />
<br />
By this time I was thoroughly confused. Maybe they were in their underwear. So I waited a little longer giving them time to throw on clothes. LDS women with hot banana bread to no go easily into the night.<br />
<br />
Third ring. Going down with the ship...<br />
<br />
Lights went off. Really?! Okay, I get it, letting my macro smile fade. Should I take the banana bread back home and slice into that goodness myself? It had a sugar crust for crying out loud!!!! I wrestled! Hung my head and debated with myself. No doubt the other loaf was almost gone, I had left Andy alone with it. No. I was taught better. Pause. Crunchy hot sugar crust. Dang!! I gently laid the loaf on the welcome mat, took a deep breath, bid it goodbye and hoped it would call me as soon as it got inside to tell me what was really going on in there.<br />
<br />
But it never got inside.<br />
<br />
The next day, I saw it sitting there on my way to work and my way back. Poor thing was probably now as hard as a brick, and feeling bad that it had not fulfilled the measure of its creation.<br />
<br />
But I'm starting to. So...that's good anyway. <br />
<br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "caveat"; font-size: 24.0pt;">Recipe
for Chapter 8<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "caveat"; font-size: 24.0pt;">Zona’s
Banana Bread for Trying Hard<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">(or
Crusty Banana Bread for Crusty Types)<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Preheat oven to 350 degrees. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">½ cup shortening<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">1 ½ cups granulated sugar<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">2 eggs<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">1 tsp vanilla<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">2 cups white flour<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">½ tsp Salt<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">1 tsp baking soda<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">4 T milk<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">2 cups mashed ripe bananas<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">1 cup walnuts or your choice of nuts
(optional)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">¼ cup Demerara Cane Sugar<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Cream together shortening, sugar.
Beat in eggs and vanilla.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Add dry ingredients until just
incorporated. Don’t over mix.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Add bananas, milk. Beat on medium
speed for about 2 minutes. Stir in nuts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Pour batter into two loaf pans and
sprinkle with a good coating of Demerara cane sugar before you put them in the
oven. Bake at 350 degrees for one hour or until a toothpick, inserted into the
very center, comes out clean and not sticky.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span><b><span style="font-family: "caveat"; font-size: 18.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><i><b>Homework for Chapter 8</b></i></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
So what’s the prescription for loneliness? I can take a pill to control my blood pressure, but what can we do to help the “epidemic proportions” of us that are lonely? <br />
List two people you would call “In Case of an Emergency” <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
#1 - In case of emergency call: <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Phone number: <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Address: <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
#2 - In case of emergency call: <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Phone number: <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Address: <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
3. You have probably been assigned to minister to two or three people/families in your ward. QUIZ!<br />
<br />
<br />
What are their names (without looking at a printout)<br />
<br />
<br />
1. 2. 3. <br />
<br />
<br />
4. List their birthdays:<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
5. What do these people do for a living?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
6. What do these people do in their free time?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
7. Do these people have children - how many and what are their ages?<br />
<br />
<br />
8. Are they active in your ward or ward activities?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
9. Where are their immediate families located?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
10. Are you active in your ward/community activities? If you aren't, why not?<br />
<br />
<br />
11. When is your next ward activity? What is it? Make sure you go if you can.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="mso-element: footnote-list;">
<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" />
<!--[endif]-->
<br />
<div id="ftn1" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="file:///C:/Users/Owner/Downloads/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[1]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> Psychologytoday.com<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn2" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="file:///C:/Users/Owner/Downloads/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[2]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> Ensign, June 1980<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn3" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="file:///C:/Users/Owner/Downloads/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftnref3" name="_ftn3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[3]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> WEBMD health News, Nick Tate, May 4, 2018<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
</div>
<br /></div>
JanHunsakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15091794687144885749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6939682088832127408.post-70406430845074226762020-04-17T15:17:00.002-06:002020-04-17T15:17:54.805-06:00Chapter 7 Adjusting My Grip: Group 4: Those That Mourn<br />
<div class="WordSection1">
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Caveat; font-size: 24.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Caveat; mso-fareast-font-family: Caveat;">Chapter
7 - Group 4: Waiting for the Next Arrival of Jesus Christ<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Imagine yourself a living house. God
comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps you can understand what he is
doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so
on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and you are not surprised.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But presently He starts knocking the
house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">What on earth is He up to?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The explanation is that He is
building quite a different house from the one you thought of: throwing out a
new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making
courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage;
but He is building a palace.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>--C.S. Lewis, from Mere
Christianity<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We believe that our time on earth is
a testing ground for our reward in Heaven. It's pretty straight forward; when
you face a trial in life, your righteous response to that trial purifies you
and gets you ready to take on the responsibilities and rewards you will have in
the next life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Thank you C.S. Lewis. I've stopped
saying "when we get rich I want a house with a pool, a movie room and a
dining table for 24" because I imagine God saying "She's asking for
it!" and the next day we have another miscarriage or drive off a cliff,
but our mansion in heaven will be fit for the St. George Parade of Homes (I’ll
describe that later - don’t worry).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I love my life. I love my life....I
love my....<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I'm not a big believer that God
reaches out and puts these trials in our path. I believe that he would like to
reach in and stop the consequences of our choices, or other people's choices
that may adversely affect us, but that's not part of the plan either. BAD STUFF
HAPPENS TO GOOD PEOPLE.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I have spoken to many audiences now
about adjusting our grip on the iron rod as we deal with the changing world in
a seemingly slow moving gospel. In the many years it has taken me to write this
book I have wised up too and decided that waiting is not the same as enduring.
Enduring involves trust and it is in the little tiny, tender mercies that I
have built my relationship with God. He has helped me lift my head and heart up
after I have felt my dreams drift away. I have had to really pay attention and
I make conscious choices to stay connected to the Spirit as those blessings
make themselves available to me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Carli Wright - my English 10
colleague, introduced me to Neil Pasricha's "The Book of Awesome"
which was based on his blog <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">A
Thousand Awesome Things.</i> It’s a book that makes me happy, a book on the
bright side, entry after entry.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I introduced it to my English
classes as the next book we are going to read together and it went over like a
lead balloon because Sophomores only want to read for about six and a half
minutes and then they are ready for a nap, or treats...or...whatever isn't
words on a page.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So I introduced them to the author
via the Ted Talk that Neil gave and the kids cried.</span><a href="https://www.ted.com/talks/neil_pasricha_the_3_a_s_of_awesome?language=en"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Kids. (Sophomores!)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Cried.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">That was December 3, 2015, the day
after the mass shooting in San Bernardino, California. The news was heavy that
day and for the next few days the shootings magnified the flooding in Cumbria,
the refugees leaving Syria, to mention just a few of the tragedies around the
earth.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I thought it would be such a good
time to teach a book in which the main theme was looking for the awesome things
in your life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Then one of my best students was
pulled out of class via the intercom which connects us to the front office and
I can tell you that is never a good sound - unless you are getting excused from
class to go with your family to Disneyland. Thinking back, I could hear it in
our sweet secretary's voice "Please excuse (this student) to come to the
front office." Same as usual, but different. It struck me, the tone in her
voice...after 25+ years, one can tell. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">At lunch, a dear assistant principal
came in and told me that I might want to know that my student, the one that got
called out of class this morning, won't be back for a few days because her 10
year-old brother accidentally shot and killed himself with a gun he found while
he was waiting for the school bus that morning.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Now, I have this kid twice - once
for English and once for debate. She is a great debater, one of the best. So,
naturally, with the time I spend at tournaments with debaters, I am invested in
her a little more than the usual tenth grader. A lot more. So when I heard the
news I was stunned. I immediately thought of the new debate topic which is
banning privately owned guns. I wondered how carefully we would need to tread
in the coming days with her in class. I started praying to know what to say,
how to deal, what to do.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">That night after school I was
prompted to go out to her house, half hoping that they wouldn't let me in,
because I really didn't know what to say. I'm too smart to ignore a prompting.
Learned that lesson the hard way so many times. I had to go. I stopped by the
school and picked up her copy of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Book of Awesome</i> and I didn't know
if that was lame, like read-this-and-everything-will-be-all-better kind of
lame. But I felt that she would like it...she is a straight A kid and so very
upbeat. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I was invited into the house by her
little sister who looked like she herself had been run over by a train. Her
little 12 or 13 year-old face was bright red, her eyes sunken back into the
hollows of her face and her frequently wiped nose looked chapped and raw. I was
invited in with a croak and an apology. No apology needed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">While she was retrieving her older
sister, I looked around the big house. I felt as though I was walking into a
very crowded room. The Spirit of comfort was so thick I felt ten pound lighter.
There was obviously a multitude of angels surrounding this house today. There
was a familiar picture of Jesus Christ prominently hung above the fireplace.
There was a religious magazine on the table and several sets of scriptures in
piles around the bottom of the couch, perhaps left there from morning scripture
study with the family. Had that little boy sat there this morning among his
family? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The house was filled with people,
but it was silent. There were people bustling about cleaning and doing laundry.
There were several young people in the back yard raking leaves. I could smell
dinner starting, everyone was working...and crying. While I was waiting, I
noticed my student's mom wrapped in a blanket and sitting in the front window
being consoled by a neighbor. "I feel so bad, everybody is doing
everything..." she said quietly. Then, noticing me, she smiled so big! She
looked me right in the face and said "She will be so happy that you
came." All I could say was "I'm so sorry" to which she replied,
"We know we will see him again. Think of what we have to look forward
to!” Then her neighbor added "they also lost a two year-old last
year." <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I have honestly, never, in my
prideful, pitiful life ever thought of the wait for my son as a period of time
full of anticipation. Anticipation seems like something...fun. Right? I was
aghast. Like, I cannot breathe aghast. What to say, what to say...please
Heavenly Father, help me think of something to say that didn't sound trite in
the moment. Nothing. I just nodded in horror. I thought about the
Christmas Eve when we lost Noah and how it destroyed the entire season for me
from that moment on. I wanted to tell her how I knew how she felt, but she had
her son for ten years, her daughter for two, she got to know them, to raise them,
and my empathy paled in comparison. She had just schooled me so hard and she
didn’t even know it. I was being taught. That was the reason I was supposed to
come out and see her. It wasn’t for my student. It was for me. Gah! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Then my student came down the
stairs, saw me, ran across the room and threw her arms around me. She sobbed,
wracked with sadness and loss. I wondered how long they would all cry and the
kinds of headaches they were all earning. After the most awesome hug ever, I
lamely told her that I brought her <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The
Book of Awesome</i> and she said "I'm so glad! I need this book
today." I was relieved and grateful. Not so lame after all. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So today I announced to my
Sophomores what happened to their classmate and her family. I told them about
the accident and that the debaters were collecting money for a gift. I did not
make it back to my desk - which was about 15 feet away, before two kids stood
up to deposit money in the envelope. And it wasn't just change - it was $5 and
$10 dollar bills and one lumbering kid said "I can go home for lunch
today" and gave all his lunch money. And all day long kids contributed
money as word got around.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was in that
lifted, purified air we get when we do things that we know are driven by the
Spirit in His knowledge. It’s the exact same feeling I get when I’m sitting in
the celestial room in any temple. You know that feeling - when it feels like
Sunday but it’s only Tuesday, third period? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Purifying. Humbling. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Awesome. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I will never forget that experience
as long as live because of the purified feeling I had as I walked into my
student’s house and saw her mom smile at me - freshly grieving the death of her
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">second</i> child in two years. Her
testimony of the atonement racks my soul to this day. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">One of my favorite scriptures is
Hebrews 12:1, “Let us run with patience the race that is set before us.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s the kind of waiting that I’m talking
about, the kind where you have to run. I just love this verse because it
advocates energy in waiting. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In Thailand, our mission president
was famous for saying “there are 50 million people in this country and only 50
of you. You’d better run.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">My first companion was a native
Thai. She was about 4’10” tall. They called us “The Monster and the Mouse.” She
told me in broken English that her dearest life goal was to go through the
temple one day. Full-time native missionaries were not endowed before their
missions back then. It was too expensive. That realization was heart-breaking
for me! I had only recently been endowed myself, but had already visited all of
the temples in Utah! My blessings had been taken for granted! I felt an instant
empathy for my Thai brothers and sisters. I peddled faster, I studied harder.
They needed those blessings and I was going to dig the hole for the temple myself
if I had to. The mission had been open since 1966 - it was 1986 and there were
just 10 or 12 little branches in the entire country when I was there, and with
a Buddhist temple on every corner, it felt as though Satan was sticking his
tongue out at me from every direction. My expectations were high and in the 110
degree daily heat, I didn’t peddle fast enough. After 18 months, I left
discouraged and felt beaten up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So for years after I returned - 27
years to be exact - every Spring and Fall general conference I would say a
prayer that the Lord would announce a temple opening in Thailand for the Saints
there. I was disappointed 53 times.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Then on April 4, 2015, I was
watching the Sunday morning session of conference and President Monson stood
and announced that there would be three new temples. “Only three,” I said to my husband in dismay. I closed my eyes anyway to start my bi-annual chant “Thailand,
Thailand, Thailand…” In my head, I thought about my amazing trainer - Sister
Ratana, and her dearest goal. It had become my dearest goal too. It was one of
the reasons I stayed faithful over the years, a reason to pay my tithing, a
reason to pray, a reason to go to the temple. I had her face in my mind when he
said the words “Bangkok, Thailand.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I have never cried so
instantaneously and to that intensity. My husband bolted out of his chair to
put his arms around me. I was either very happy, he said, or I had been shot. I
could not control my sobbing. When I regained myself I ran back to our bedroom
and fell to my knees. “Praapidaa Bon Sawan, “ I began and poured out my thanks to my Heavenly Father in Thai. I
had not spoken that much Thai in 27 years, but it flowed out of me in
gratitude. He had answered sooooo many prayers with that announcement. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Bangkok, Thailand
Temple will be the first in this Asian nation. There are now approximately
18,000 Church members in 38 congregations in Thailand. The Bangkok Thailand
Temple will serve Latter-day Saints in Thailand, as well as all of Southeast
Asia. Currently, the nearest temple to Thailand is Hong Kong, more than 1,000
miles from Bangkok.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> More than 700 members and friends
attend the groundbreaking ceremony for the Bangkok Thailand Temple on January 26,
2019<span style="color: #767676;">.</span><a href="file:///C:/Users/Owner/Downloads/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><sup><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[1]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></span></sup></a><span style="color: #333333;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">There were about 700
members of the church when I was there in 1986. Maybe some of the hundreds of
Books of Mormon that I delivered on the back of those old bikes were actually
read! It took 54 General Conferences for me to feel that all that pedaling was
finally worth it. Imagine that! You know where we will be when the Temple is
finished? Right! There. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">You remember the famous conference
talk in which President Uchtdorf spoke of patience by telling the story of the
“marshmallow experiment” at Stanford University? We call it the “marshmallow talk”
at our house. We have never looked at marshmallows in the same way since that
incredible talk. Anyway, he said, “<span style="color: #212225;">God’s promises
are not always fulfilled as quickly as or in the way we might hope; they come
according to His timing and in His ways.”<a href="file:///C:/Users/Owner/Downloads/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="color: #212225; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[2]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #212225; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">That’s not what we
people with children on the other side, or small groups of members desperate to
receive their temple ordinances want to hear. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #212225; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But he continues
telling us that “Patience means accepting that which cannot be changed and
facing it with courage, grace, and faith…” I think about all the faithful
Saints in Thailand that prayed for decades and decades for a temple to come to
their country and still served missions, serve the church, serve God without
those blessings. Even with 162 operating temples on the earth now, there are
still people in distant countries that save and serve all their lives that will
wait for their temple blessings until the next life. I will wait to raise my
son in the next life! I will! Remember blessings don’t have an expiration date!
How exciting life can be.Think of all the things we have to look forward to. </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Caveat; font-size: 24.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Caveat; mso-fareast-font-family: Caveat;">Recipe
for Chapter 7</span></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Caveat; font-size: 24.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Caveat; mso-fareast-font-family: Caveat;">Second
Coming Curry (Gang Matsamaan) </span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Caveat; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Caveat; mso-fareast-font-family: Caveat;">the Easy Way<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This recipe isn’t for sissies. There
are some ingredients that are on the expensive side in our little neighborhood.
Nevertheless - we make this a couple times a year because it is DELICIOUS. This
is my version of the Thai recipe.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">2 lbs cubed protein of your choice
(we usually choose chicken or stew beef)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">4-15 oz cans of coconut milk<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">7-8 small potatoes or larger ones
cut into chunks<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">4 - 5 medium-sized carrots, sliced into bite-sized disks</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">2 small onions cut into 4 pieces
each (big chunks)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">3 T Matsamaan curry paste <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Note:
</span></i></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
just buy <u>S&B Golden Curry</u> in our traditional grocery store’s
international section. We use the mild yellow curry and add spices individually
after it’s served.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1 tsp lemon juice<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">2 T brown sugar<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">½ cup roasted, non-salted peanuts<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Brown your protein in olive oil in
the bottom of a deep dutch oven style pan. Add the coconut milk and curry paste and bring to a boil. Cover and simmer on low heat for two hours. Then add the rest of the
ingredients. Cover and cook for 30
minutes on medium-high heat or until potatoes and carrots are tender.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Serve over jasmine rice.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-family: Caveat; font-size: 24.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Caveat; mso-fareast-font-family: Caveat;">Homework
Assignment for Chapter 7</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0in;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">If you
have not read Russell M. Nelson’s 1995 book called “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Gateway We Call Death</i>,” you should. Call me if you need a
copy, I have two. <o:p></o:p></span></li>
</ol>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<ol start="2" style="margin-top: 0in;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Go to
the temple after you have read Chapter 7. If you do not have a temple
recommend, find an LDS chapel. Sit. Ponder. Allow the spirit of the House
of the Lord to bring you peace. It’s so important that we find time to sit
in holy places<o:p></o:p></span></li>
</ol>
</div>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><br clear="all" style="mso-break-type: section-break; page-break-before: auto;" />
</span>
<div class="WordSection2">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -40.5pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Here is a 2019 check list of all the
LDS temples in the world. Circle all the temples you have done temple work in. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="border-bottom: solid #DDDDDD 1.0pt; border: none; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: -2.25pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid #DDDDDD .75pt; mso-element: para-border-div; padding: 0in 0in 0in 0in;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid #DDDDDD .75pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding: 0in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Aba Nigeria Temple<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid #DDDDDD .75pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding: 0in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/abidjan-ivory-coast-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Abidjan
Ivory Coast Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid #DDDDDD .75pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding: 0in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/accra-ghana-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Accra
Ghana Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid #DDDDDD .75pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding: 0in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/adelaide-australia-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Adelaide
Australia Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid #DDDDDD .75pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding: 0in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/albuquerque-new-mexico-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Albuquerque
New MX Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid #DDDDDD .75pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding: 0in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/anchorage-alaska-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Anchorage
Alaska Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid #DDDDDD .75pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding: 0in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/apia-samoa-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Apia
Samoa Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid #DDDDDD .75pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding: 0in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/asuncion-paraguay-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Asunción
Paraguay Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid #DDDDDD .75pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding: 0in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/atlanta-georgia-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Atlanta
Georgia Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid #DDDDDD .75pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding: 0in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/barranquilla-colombia-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Barranquilla
Colombia Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid #DDDDDD .75pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding: 0in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/baton-rouge-louisiana-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Baton
Rouge Louisiana Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid #DDDDDD .75pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding: 0in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/bern-switzerland-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Bern
Switzerland Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid #DDDDDD .75pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding: 0in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/billings-montana-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Billings
Montana Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid #DDDDDD .75pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding: 0in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/birmingham-alabama-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Birmingham
Alabama Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid #DDDDDD .75pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding: 0in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/bismarck-north-dakota-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Bismarck
North Dakota Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid #DDDDDD .75pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding: 0in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Bogotá Colombia Temple<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid #DDDDDD .75pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding: 0in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Boise Idaho Temple<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid #DDDDDD .75pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding: 0in; text-indent: 0in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/boston-massachusetts-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Boston
Massachusetts Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid #DDDDDD .75pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding: 0in; text-indent: 0in;">
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Bountiful Utah Temple<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Brigham City Utah Temple<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/brisbane-australia-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Brisbane
Australia Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Budapest Hungary Temple<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Buenos Aires Argentina Temple <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Cagayan de Oro PPI Temple<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/calgary-alberta-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Calgary
Alberta Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/campinas-brazil-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Campinas
Brazil Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/caracas-venezuela-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Caracas
Venezuela Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/cardston-alberta-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Cardston
Alberta Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/cebu-city-philippines-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Cebu
City Philippines Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/cedar-city-utah-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Cedar
City Utah Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/chicago-illinois-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Chicago
Illinois Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/ciudad-juarez-mexico-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Ciudad
Juárez Mexico Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/cochabamba-bolivia-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Cochabamba
Bolivia Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Colonia Juárez Chihuahua MX <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Columbia River Washington <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Columbia South Carolina <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/columbus-ohio-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Columbus
Ohio Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/concepcion-chile-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Concepción
Chile Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/copenhagen-denmark-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Copenhagen
Denmark Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/cordoba-argentina-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Córdoba
Argentina Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/curitiba-brazil-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Curitiba
Brazil Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/dallas-texas-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Dallas
Texas Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Davao Philippines Temple<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/denver-colorado-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Denver
Colorado Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/detroit-michigan-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Detroit
Michigan Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/draper-utah-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Draper
Utah Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/durban-south-africa-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Durban
South Africa Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/edmonton-alberta-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Edmonton
Alberta Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Feather River California Temple<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/fort-collins-colorado-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Fort
Collins Colorado Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/fort-lauderdale-florida-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Fort
Lauderdale Florida Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid #DDDDDD .75pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding: 0in; text-indent: 0in;">
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/fortaleza-brazil-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Fortaleza
Brazil Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/frankfurt-germany-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Frankfurt
Germany Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/freiberg-germany-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Freiberg
Germany Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid #DDDDDD .75pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding: 0in; text-indent: 0in;">
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/fresno-california-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Fresno
California Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid #DDDDDD .75pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding: 0in; text-indent: 0in;">
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/fukuoka-japan-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Fukuoka
Japan Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid #DDDDDD .75pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding: 0in; text-indent: 0in;">
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/gilbert-arizona-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Gilbert
Arizona Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid #DDDDDD .75pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding: 0in; text-indent: 0in;">
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Grtr Manila Philippines Temple<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/guadalajara-mexico-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Guadalajara
Mexico Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid #DDDDDD .75pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding: 0in; text-indent: 0in;">
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Guatemala City Guatemala <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/guayaquil-ecuador-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Guayaquil
Ecuador Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/halifax-nova-scotia-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Halifax
Nova Scotia Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/hamilton-new-zealand-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Hamilton
New Zealand Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/hartford-connecticut-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Hartford
Connecticut Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/helsinki-finland-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Helsinki
Finland Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/hermosillo-sonora-mexico-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Hermosillo
Sonora MX Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid #DDDDDD .75pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-padding-alt: 0in 0in 0in 0in; padding: 0in; text-indent: 0in;">
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/hong-kong-china-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Hong
Kong China Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/houston-texas-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Houston
Texas Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/idaho-falls-idaho-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Idaho
Falls Idaho Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/indianapolis-indiana-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Indianapolis
Indiana Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Johannesburg South Africa <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/jordan-river-utah-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Jordan
River Utah Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/kansas-city-missouri-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Kansas
City Missouri Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Kinshasa Democratic Republic of the
Congo <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/kona-hawaii-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Kona
Hawaii Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/kyiv-ukraine-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Kyiv
Ukraine Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/laie-hawaii-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Laie
Hawaii Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/las-vegas-nevada-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Las
Vegas Nevada Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Layton Utah Temple<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/lima-peru-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Lima
Peru Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/lisbon-portugal-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Lisbon
Portugal Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/logan-utah-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Logan
Utah Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/london-england-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">London
England Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/los-angeles-california-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Los
Angeles California Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/louisville-kentucky-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Louisville
Kentucky Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/lubbock-texas-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Lubbock
Texas Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/madrid-spain-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Madrid
Spain Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Managua Nicaragua Temple<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/manaus-brazil-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Manaus
Brazil Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/manhattan-new-york-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Manhattan
New York Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/manila-philippines-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Manila
Philippines Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/manti-utah-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Manti
Utah Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/medford-oregon-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Medford
Oregon Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/melbourne-australia-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Melbourne
Australia Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/memphis-tennessee-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Memphis
Tennessee Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/merida-mexico-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Mérida
Mexico Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/meridian-idaho-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Meridian
Idaho Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/mesa-arizona-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Mesa
Arizona Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/mexico-city-mexico-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Mexico
City Mexico Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/monterrey-mexico-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Monterrey
Mexico Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/montevideo-uruguay-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Montevideo
Uruguay Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/monticello-utah-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Monticello
Utah Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/montreal-quebec-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Montreal
Quebec Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Mt Timpanogos Utah Temple<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Nashville Tennessee Temple<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/nauvoo-illinois-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Nauvoo
Illinois Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Newport Beach CA Temple<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/nuku'alofa-tonga-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Nuku'alofa
Tonga Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/oakland-california-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Oakland
California Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/oaxaca-mexico-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Oaxaca
Mexico Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">O</span><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/ogden-utah-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">gden
Utah Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Okinawa City Okinawa Temple<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Oklahoma City OK Temple<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Oquirrh Mountain Utah Temple<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/orlando-florida-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Orlando
Florida Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Palmyra New York Temple<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/panama-city-panama-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Panama
City Panama Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/papeete-tahiti-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Papeete
Tahiti Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/paris-france-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Paris
France Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/payson-utah-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Payson
Utah Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/perth-australia-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Perth
Australia Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/philadelphia-pennsylvania-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Philadelphia
PA Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Phoenix Arizona Temple<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Portland Oregon Temple<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/porto-alegre-brazil-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Porto
Alegre Brazil Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Preston England Temple<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/provo-city-center-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Provo
City Center Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/provo-utah-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Provo
Utah Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Quetzaltenango Guatemala <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/raleigh-north-carolina-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Raleigh
North Carolina Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/recife-brazil-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Recife
Brazil Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/redlands-california-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Redlands
California Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/regina-saskatchewan-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Regina
Saskatchewan Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/reno-nevada-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Reno
Nevada Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/rexburg-idaho-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Rexburg
Idaho Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/rome-italy-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Rome
Italy Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/sacramento-california-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Sacramento
California Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/salt-lake-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Salt
Lake Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/san-antonio-texas-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">San
Antonio Texas Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/san-diego-california-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">San
Diego California Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/san-jose-costa-rica-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">San
José Costa Rica Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">San Salvador El Salvador<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">❏<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/santiago-chile-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Santiago
Chile Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Santo Domingo Dominican<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Republic<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/sao-paulo-brazil-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">São
Paulo Brazil Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/sapporo-japan-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Sapporo
Japan Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/seattle-washington-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Seattle
Washington Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/seoul-korea-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Seoul
Korea Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/snowflake-arizona-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Snowflake
Arizona Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/spokane-washington-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Spokane
Washington Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/st.-george-utah-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">St.
George Utah Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/st.-louis-missouri-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">St.
Louis Missouri Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/st.-paul-minnesota-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">St.
Paul Minnesota Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/star-valley-wyoming-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Star
Valley Wyoming Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/stockholm-sweden-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Stockholm
Sweden Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/suva-fiji-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Suva
Fiji Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Sydney Australia Temple<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Taipei Taiwan Temple<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Tampico Mexico Temple<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Tegucigalpa Honduras Temple<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Gila Valley Arizona Temple<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Hague Netherlands Temple<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Tijuana Mexico Temple<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Tokyo Japan Temple<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Toronto Ontario Temple<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Trujillo Peru Temple<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Tucson Arizona Temple<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/tuxtla-gutierrez-mexico-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Tuxtla
Gutiérrez Mexico </span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/temples/details/twin-falls-idaho-temple?lang=eng"><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Twin
Falls Idaho Temple</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Vancouver British Columbia <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 8.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Veracruz Mexico Temple<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">(I know we can't attend the temple right now - let's pray that they open SOON!)</span></div>
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don’t have a temple recommend, what do you need to do to become worthy to
receive one? Make a list and a PLAN NOW! Right here. (I’m bossy! Sorry!)
Here is a whole page just for us to set some temple goals….<o:p></o:p></span></li>
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<a href="file:///C:/Users/Owner/Downloads/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[1]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> The Church
News,</span></i><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> January 28, 2019<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="file:///C:/Users/Owner/Downloads/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[2]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Continue in
Patience</i>,” President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Ensign, May 2010<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br />JanHunsakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15091794687144885749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6939682088832127408.post-77399221633761273762020-04-17T14:35:00.000-06:002020-04-17T20:09:20.154-06:00Class of 2020 - Time to carve up a watermelon. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-NL6F4QU2mSQ/Xpn2LgwvkTI/AAAAAAAALrg/UzRbthuycR8qUzicY_9Ivo-yE-mfoySAACEwYBhgLKs0DAMBZVoCibJ-rw2ZdeLwiVOzkCepdDfyoV4h_5Vrq2q2ueu8S4HyUE5Eh87w8_XqpMZdlID0O7v5aDETl4CokMwKu0Vw3kxiW3RbMwJRcQCGxGgwaSGaFq5Pxy2NVKkCS26fxdeQUBKnqnicJIBpExmmIOl38fH30jgZ0R45O-cDlL_m6-PjQEm85hrTaoTacoA70AQZ-uu4Ec1ZbA_hb_fsHrPwJO9hSgJS_nmiulY46fL3ZfXhoTOLO5URvZSBHLY2ZOtzXTVPSp892dgctlvhuz_Uw84Co8_hb0pSbW9jzRDAB3Nvw3py6y4lCN0x8IimxcwCs10F_Oykmmj6Ufs5s1c6auzEuXsgxJ7M0plrRk_0zMv2foL2HV11cOXJfeepO0SYWa4uwOGXZIuHo0R9pTOIkd8jlTTl2Qlfp9oH0kThs1oLKDGrDYJ0vfGlSVlZa01lii-f7tJfbVsNTv8EsuoF0pNJcrjuEtQ1P9NO4Fhdc3-Kf-dDoIqjwuYaQihCWzcu2S5KniklVfOa_M1gtePvMFdsiQGd_-71LhHh7wTwt6xNIwbtGWUWKeXRE3ZfSsM_3Onh11TF1bO6Gi0ilc1U6orS71TmAH20wuIfo9AU/s1600/Refugee%2Bgirl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="607" data-original-width="577" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-NL6F4QU2mSQ/Xpn2LgwvkTI/AAAAAAAALrg/UzRbthuycR8qUzicY_9Ivo-yE-mfoySAACEwYBhgLKs0DAMBZVoCibJ-rw2ZdeLwiVOzkCepdDfyoV4h_5Vrq2q2ueu8S4HyUE5Eh87w8_XqpMZdlID0O7v5aDETl4CokMwKu0Vw3kxiW3RbMwJRcQCGxGgwaSGaFq5Pxy2NVKkCS26fxdeQUBKnqnicJIBpExmmIOl38fH30jgZ0R45O-cDlL_m6-PjQEm85hrTaoTacoA70AQZ-uu4Ec1ZbA_hb_fsHrPwJO9hSgJS_nmiulY46fL3ZfXhoTOLO5URvZSBHLY2ZOtzXTVPSp892dgctlvhuz_Uw84Co8_hb0pSbW9jzRDAB3Nvw3py6y4lCN0x8IimxcwCs10F_Oykmmj6Ufs5s1c6auzEuXsgxJ7M0plrRk_0zMv2foL2HV11cOXJfeepO0SYWa4uwOGXZIuHo0R9pTOIkd8jlTTl2Qlfp9oH0kThs1oLKDGrDYJ0vfGlSVlZa01lii-f7tJfbVsNTv8EsuoF0pNJcrjuEtQ1P9NO4Fhdc3-Kf-dDoIqjwuYaQihCWzcu2S5KniklVfOa_M1gtePvMFdsiQGd_-71LhHh7wTwt6xNIwbtGWUWKeXRE3ZfSsM_3Onh11TF1bO6Gi0ilc1U6orS71TmAH20wuIfo9AU/s320/Refugee%2Bgirl.jpg" width="304" /></a></div>
I woke up this morning wanting to tell my current students about my students back in 1987. I know a few of the 2020 students are feeling like (quote) "I got robbed."<br />
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Robbed of what?<br />
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In 1987 I worked in a refugee camp in Thailand. For the last half of my LDS mission I was called to teach English in an office called Welfare Servies for Refugees in Thailand - WSURT, for short. It was my premiere life learning experience. I wrote about the experience many years ago and I can't succinctly say it any better now than I did then:<br />
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<a href="https://other-peoples-kids.blogspot.com/2015/05/in-guise-of-sacrifice.html">THE BLOG ABOUT THE CAMP</a><br />
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So everyone in my world (the world of secondary education) is devastated that COVID-19 has taken away our opportunity to finish out the 2020 school year. Specifically, Prom was cancelled, State debate, Spring sports like Track and Baseball (which is HUGE in our area), State Drama, the Spring Musical and of course, the traditional pomp and circumstance filled graduation ceremony where someone reads Dr. Seuss and quotes Churchill's famous "Never, never, never, give up."<br />
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I might get in trouble for adding my opinion to this - you might not like, in fact, you may HATE what I'm about to say but I'm going to say it in an effort to give us a new perspective. I'm an old debater - I like to look at both sides of everything.<br />
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Mid-way through college, I was spinning in place. I was in about 4 plays at a time and working a janitorial job and a costume job for the Shakes Fest and I was on student council because it paid my tuition. I was juggling about 10 balls, as usual, and it occurred to me that I was no good to anyone. I couldn't keep up with the monster I had created.<br />
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Something needed to stop.<br />
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So I sent in mission papers. It's all in the blog.<br />
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I got an incredible opportunity to serve in a refugee camp that housed people that were STILL escaping persecution from the Vietnam War which had ended in 1975, and the Viet Cong (hiding and still subversive) and the Khmer Rouge the brutal regime that ruled Cambodia from 1975 - 1979. I was in the camp from May to November of 1987 some twelve years later. Now that was some COVID-19!<br />
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I taught English in the camp. One of the classes was a group of English speaking teenagers, mostly boys because most of them were alone. I taught them an advanced English language class and then they would go back and teach the beginning classes to additional students (hundreds) of refugees that were just sitting around, doing nothing but surviving, while they awaited settlement in a "third country," ie..1= Vietnam, 2= Thailand, 3= a country that would let them emigrate as free citizens, hence "third country." So my advanced students were 16 - 19ish years old, perfect English speakers that were also waiting for resettlement but used their skills to teach English while they waited. Some of them had waited for years.<br />
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Let me just take you on a tour of the camp:<br />
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RJ4dzqswP9M/Xpn2Ksi3z0I/AAAAAAAALrU/zFOnn4DSfy8fBF6m28jeVS72JRBOkCP7wCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/Side%2Bof%2Bclassroom.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="239" data-original-width="577" height="262" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RJ4dzqswP9M/Xpn2Ksi3z0I/AAAAAAAALrU/zFOnn4DSfy8fBF6m28jeVS72JRBOkCP7wCLcBGAsYHQ/s640/Side%2Bof%2Bclassroom.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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This is the side of my classroom. These are a few of the teachers I worked with.<br />
The holes in the walls made it nice for air flow. Temperatures were usually over 100 degrees. The floor was just concrete and dust. I did have a whiteboard in the end. No desks. Just space for students to sit on little mats if they brought one. No projector. No computer. No school play. No piano.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="168" data-original-width="255" height="421" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-47UdCNsVR_0/Xpn4ad4R99I/AAAAAAAALro/qi8Lre5qWiMWle95AZXqhRgrWCnlSCvPQCLcBGAsYHQ/s640/Jan%2Bat%2Bwhiteboard.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="640" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small; text-align: start;">I just want you to look at the body language of the students. They are listening. They are learning. They are waiting was resettlement and while they wait, they learn. They were never late, they were never absent. They behaved as if education was a gift. Which it was. </span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-yPRcAxeWacI/VVGgXQqLwLI/AAAAAAAADWE/ZwTm4fD7SK4/s1600/Mission%2BSlides%2Bjan%2B014.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="424" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-yPRcAxeWacI/VVGgXQqLwLI/AAAAAAAADWE/ZwTm4fD7SK4/s640/Mission%2BSlides%2Bjan%2B014.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Not sure what I was making them do - but they were doing it!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small; text-align: start;">This pic is the main "street" in between two sets of housing. These two hooligans were two of the teachers that worked for us. Both were about 17 - 18 years old. They always walked me back to my office at the end of every day. I had to pass through a gate with soldiers carrying massive machine guns.</span></td></tr>
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This is one of my intermediate youth classes! As you can tell - I ate better than they did. Ha!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img height="425" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tmIqPyC9Pyk/VVGQjqGyunI/AAAAAAAADSo/qJOC34QgC_Q/s640/Mission%2BSlides%2Bjan%2B015.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="640" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">This is the other side of the quad which included three classrooms and an office. Great natural air conditioning! They are all so happy.</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Image may contain: 8 people, people sitting" height="640" src="https://scontent-sea1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/93183208_3235321576492721_7226750970552647680_n.jpg?_nc_cat=110&_nc_sid=0be424&_nc_ohc=TRx3x4WjRrkAX_LTZ6K&_nc_ht=scontent-sea1-1.xx&oh=844282e3812ca06d8f899d666e518108&oe=5EC01FD2" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="480" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">These are 8 kids that missed their Senior prom and high school graduation by no fault of their own. Their COVID-19 was named Ho Chi Minh and Pol Pot. Look it up.</span><br />
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-lZb-YAZDiFY/XpoDrV7W-pI/AAAAAAAALr0/KQKLG0ylVSwQZHygyQROmTtVNPgzJS9ywCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/Bui%2BDoi.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="447" data-original-width="771" height="370" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-lZb-YAZDiFY/XpoDrV7W-pI/AAAAAAAALr0/KQKLG0ylVSwQZHygyQROmTtVNPgzJS9ywCLcBGAsYHQ/s640/Bui%2BDoi.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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These kids were nicknamed the "BUI DOI." We were in charge of teaching them as well. They were between the ages of 14 - 16. They were the children of American solidiers that were left in the battlefield after the Vietnam War. They were also waiting for resettlement. There's a musical written about them called "Miss Saigon." </div>
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I guess what I'm saying is that there are times in the history of the world when we have to give up our own personal comfort because there is a bigger picture. What we do in these historic times, in the safety of our homes and our free nation, is up to us. We are spoiled.</div>
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This is Doug. I wish I had a better picture of him - he appears in a few pictures but I thought this one really shows Doug's plight as a single guy in a refugee camp on his own. </div>
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<img alt="Image may contain: one or more people, possible text that says 'Doug'" height="320" src="https://scontent-sea1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/93277978_3235638716461007_4648977784939479040_n.jpg?_nc_cat=110&_nc_sid=0be424&_nc_ohc=6lc2v1SrA5AAX84hy7E&_nc_ht=scontent-sea1-1.xx&oh=8ac608c32a43e6177dd667300eaad32c&oe=5EBF7F41" width="240" /> </div>
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Doug was about 25. He had been in the camp for many years because he could not get accepted to a third country. He was in a group of young men that were rumored to have been recruited by the Viet Cong. These were high school kids from South Vietnam that were forced, and some of them kidnapped, to fight for the North Vietnamese through no choice of their own. It was really hard for them to get accepted to a third country because of this. His family and friends had been killed. It was impossible for him to gather letters of recommendation in support of his resettlement. His English name was "Doug." Doug had the most amazing attitude! He was an incredible teacher even though he knew that he was probably only preparing others for resettlement and not himself. </div>
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Doug missed his Senior Prom. Doug missed most of high school. Doug knew the value of an education and in the 8 years that he had waited, lived on a bowl of rice and a fish each day - he made his life a gift to others. I never heard him complain when he told his story. I watched him lead and guide the younger boys and take great pride in our school and what he COULD control. His small world. </div>
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We had a culture day every once in a while in WSURT. We talked about "Halloween" one day and we couldn't find pumpkins - because...well, Thailand...so we carved up watermelons! That was such a great memory! </div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LO77OtF-_VE/XpoO6TlSjxI/AAAAAAAALsA/vwfTEED4Ot0LHG_OXuI3xxhRX_jU4_TpwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/Halloween.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="579" data-original-width="772" height="478" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LO77OtF-_VE/XpoO6TlSjxI/AAAAAAAALsA/vwfTEED4Ot0LHG_OXuI3xxhRX_jU4_TpwCLcBGAsYHQ/s640/Halloween.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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Gosh, I feel bad that school has had to be cancelled for the year. But can we look at the bigger picture and see the opportunity to protect each other in "war time," lean on each other, help each other and see a bigger picture. We need to quit complaining. We need to quit feeling sorry for ourselves and our students! Especially if we are seniors, teachers or parents of seniors. </div>
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We live in a stunning, safe place. We go to amazing schools. Our grocery stores are still open and stocked. Our state is nearing the bottom for COVID-19 deaths. We can still learn via the internet and <b><i><u>on our own</u></i></b>! The sun is shining. </div>
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Whatever we feel have been withheld from us because of a global crisis...is just stuff. Let's get over it! What knowledge are we acquiring while we "wait?" Cuz....that's what's important, that's what will get us through to your future. I'm not sure if we all remember - THERE IS A FUTURE! What it looks like will depend on what we learn today. No little skit, baseball game or fluffy ceremony is going to radically change it. Sorry you feel bad, but let's get some perspective. </div>
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We are so blessed. </div>
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Jan</div>
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JanHunsakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15091794687144885749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6939682088832127408.post-48362990543376303532020-04-11T11:00:00.002-06:002020-04-12T23:12:32.858-06:00Chapter 6: Group 3 Waiting for Further Light and Knowledge<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I think this is the chapter that gets publishers on edge. </span></div>
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I have had such a steel focus for the audience to whom I was speaking in the other chapters in the book. This chapter vexes me. It is my dearest hope that we will recognize the groups of Latter-day Saints that feel as though they sit on the fringe of the gospel and bring them into the center in fellowship with those of us that have more traditional trials. I write this chapter for them and for us. </div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "caveat"; font-size: 24.0pt;">CHAPTER
6: GROUP 3 - Waiting for Further Light
and Knowledge<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<i><span style="color: #181818; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“They say a person
needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love,
something to do, and something to hope for.” <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Tom
Bodett</span></i><i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">There is a film I love called The
Imitation Game. It’s about Alan Turing, the man that invented a computer
during World War II, consequently cracking the enigma code and saving 14
million lives. At the end of the film, I was sobbing because of the way this war
hero had been treated in 1945. He had so obviously helped the allies win the
war. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">At the end of the film, the epilogue
explains that this brilliant scientist had eventually taken his own life;
undoubtedly, it was implied, because in Britain at the time homosexuality was
against the law and he had been convicted of gross indecency for it and
sentenced to prison. However, he opted for chemical castration rather than imprisonment
so that he could continue his work. While suffering this indignity, he could
not think, could not focus on his cutting-edge computer science work and
consequently died just a year into his “sentence” – at his own hand. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">On our way out of the movie I
overheard a woman say to her husband, “it was such a good movie, except why did
they have to put in all that [stuff] about him being gay?” I nearly turned to
chew on her - but - I didn’t. I wondered
why the postlude at the end of the movie didn’t make her cry too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I obviously belong to a religion
that struggles with these heightened “modern sensibilities” (a phrase I have
been using lately.) As of January 2020, there are between 71-74 countries in
the world in which homosexuality is still against their laws. 12 of those will
still punish you to your death if you are caught in a homosexual relationship. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Years ago, I was asked by one of my
beloved children (a student) one day “Do you hate me because I’m gay? To which
I responded, “Do you hate me because I’m Mormon?” He helped me understand that
he would always be gay, and I helped him understand that I would always be a
Latter-day Saint. We both decided we loved each other and maintain a priceless
relationship to this day. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I want to write about my perception
of the LGBTQ+ community and how they absolutely fit into God’s kingdom. Ok? Can
you mainstreamers keep reading even if you believe this precious group of our
brothers and sisters is just choosing sin? I hope you can. And if you are part
of the LGBTQ+ community, can you keep reading with faith that there is a place
for you in God’s kingdom and that you are a beloved child of heavenly parents
that need you to make and keep covenants to return to Them? I believe it. I
know it will be a journey that only you and your Heavenly Parents can go
through together. We’ll talk about the sanctity and privacy of that journey
later…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">But...let’s begin.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">One of the hardest things about
being single in the LDS church is that we are asked to be celibate until we're
married. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">That's right. Celibate. I said. Not
Celebrate. Contrary to what some people think about us we celebrate everything.
Ha! This is c.e.l.i.b.a.t.e. until we are married legally. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Usually, the word celibate is
connected to Catholic priests and nuns and followed by "those poor men and
women...what a sacrifice they make, their whole lives." And there is some
kind of revered holiness surrounding that decision that we feel for them. Some
kind of pedestal. Right?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Except when I think of Catholic nuns
I think of the Nunsense series of musicals by Dan Goggin and I instantly crave
donning my habit to "sing out Louise!" I've got the best memories of
playing Sister Robert Anne in Utah county theatres. Has it been four or five
times? I've forgotten. That horribly hot costume with 5 layers of black and
white. The penguin jokes. The tap shoes, the Bingo games with the audience and
the CTR ring prizes (<u>C</u>atholics <u>T</u>otally <u>R</u>ule). Obviously, I
chose the musical theatre path and not a convent. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">But from age 18 to age 41 it felt
like it nonetheless. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I digress.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Let me quote this before I go on,
this is something I truly believe:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="color: #181818; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“It
is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to
remember that the dullest most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be
a creature which, if you say it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship,
or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a
nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree helping each other to one or the
other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming
possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that
we should conduct all of our dealings with one another, all friendships, all
loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people. You have never
talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations - These are
mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals
whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit - immortal horrors or
everlasting splendors.”<a href="file:///C:/Users/Owner/Downloads/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" title=""><sup><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><b><sup><span style="color: #181818; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">[1]</span></sup></b><!--[endif]--></sup></a> <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">So many of my spiritual brothers and
sisters are struggling to live in the Church of Jesus Christ as single celibate
Latter-day Saints. My single friends that are holding to the iron rod of the
gospel come in several categories and there aren’t just the four we are talking
about here in this book. All of them are potential Gods and Goddesses. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">See, I can name two dozen female
friends over 30, and a hundred more over 20, off the top of my head that are
living celibate lives as they believe to be commanded by God to do so. I have a few celibate male friends that are open gay Saints “fighting the fight” as we straight
Saints like to say (white-knuckling the iron rod with an eye single to the
glory of God.) Heaven bless them. I pray for them every day because I remember
how hard it was for me all those years. I used to be SOOOO BUGGED that we
seemed to have more empathy for them than we do for the single sisters in our
church that are celibate as well and have been for decades and decades. I just couldn’t figure out why we felt so
badly for those LGBTQ+ and kept telling the single ladies “in due time…in due
time.” Don't worry - keep reading. I'm not an idiot.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I used to say “I’m celibate too!
I’ve been celibate for 40 years and I’m probably going to be celibate for 40
more because God has asked us to be!!” Have you ever said that? Yeah, I used to
say that and <i>only that</i>. Shame on me.
It used to seem like that was the answer. <b><i>Don’t stop reading now…my enlightenment is
coming up.<o:p></o:p></i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">In my mind, whether or not the LDS
church would allow gay Latter-day Saints in its doors has never been an issue
for me. Half the men that sang at my mission farewell were gay returned missionaries.
<span style="color: #333333;">The intensity of same-sex attraction is not a
measure of your faithfulness. Let me say that again: The intensity of same-sex
attraction is not a measure of your faithfulness. </span>I know a few openly
gay men that still go to church, still pay their tithing, still pray for the
answers like we all do. But so many of them are no longer on a covenant path
and have fallen away because it is so difficult for so many reasons. Before my
personal enlightenment, the issue was <i>only
about celibacy</i>... <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">And waiting for further light and
knowledge from the Lord. Right? In my simple mind I would say “Hey, we’re all
asked to be celibate if we aren’t married. Deal with it! But it’s not that
simple. Here’s what all the hullabaloo is about: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">My straight friends search with hope
which increases faith and my gay friends just…w.a.i.t. for further light and
knowledge.</span></i></b><i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">The single Latter-day Saint uses the
hope they have to be sealed in the temple and have children <b><u>one day</u></b>. But the single, gay, Latter-day
Saint must wait for… for Christ to come? The gay Latter-day Saint certainly
doesn’t wait for his/her homosexual feelings to go away as some LDS people
still think is possible. IT’S NOT POSSIBLE. In a heartbreaking talk with one
of my students, he told me he can’t remember a time in his life when he didn’t
look at boys differently from girls. He remembers drawing pictures of his
wedding in Fourth Grade with him and another boy from his class standing in
front of the Salt Lake Temple, hand in hand. He also remembers the very minute
he was told that wasn’t going to happen for him. I wished I could wrap my arms
around him ten times as he brought me into his humble heart to feel the ache he
was enduring. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I’ve waited patiently and prayed for
further light and knowledge for this boy since, and ALL the kids that have
trusted me with these kinds of conversations I call “dress rehearsals” for the
moment they will come out to their real parents. I’ve seen this particular boy
struggle with patience, give up, come back to the gospel only to leave again in
even deeper hurt. I’ve heard his sweet testimony of the restored church right,
right before they say “My love of God and His gospel prevents me from loving
myself.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Wait...did you hear that? Read it
again. I’ll wait. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“My love of God and His gospel,
prevents me from loving myself.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Can you see why there are tears of a
different kind, patience to a different extent, sorrow on a different level,
and the need for faith of a different magnitude? Can you see why the numbers of
faithful single gay Saints in the church are so small? Can you see why they cry
out in pain? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Can you see why they need our love
and support more than ever and not our shunning and banishment? <b><i>They
aren’t building faith on the same level as the rest of us.</i></b> We are
asking them to be a.l.o.n.e. for the rest of their lives in order to
demonstrate their obedience. I laud them for their strength of heart and
conviction. I see it every day. Though I have been friends and have taught
dozens of amazing people that struggle with their decision to come out, I still
have no idea the depth of that loneliness.
I too am waiting for further light and knowledge on their behalf. It is
a struggle for me. It is a weapon that Satan uses on me. I have a hard time
keeping my armor on when my sweet kids, my students that are so confused, reach
out to me for understanding. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">As a faithful Latter-day Saint who
lives and works in a world populated heavily with homosexual men, I have been
asked to write about this more than once. I have always said, passively, “it’s
none of my business.” How could I do it without offending my beloved gay
friends or broaching my own testimony of the living prophets who have said that
homosexuality is a trial and a temptation that must be endured and not acted
upon? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">What would Jesus do?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Because that’s what I should do.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">In one of Thomas S. Monson’s April
Conference talks entitled <i>“Love - The
Essence of the Gospel,”</i> he says:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">My beloved brothers and sisters,
when our Savior ministered among men, He was asked by the inquiring lawyer,
“Master, which is the great commandment in the law?” Matthew records that Jesus
responded:<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Thou shalt love the Lord thy God
with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the
first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love
thy neighbor as thyself.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Mark concludes the account with the
Savior’s statement: “There is none other commandment greater than these.” <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<b><i><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">We
cannot truly love God if we do not love our fellow travelers on this mortal
journey. </span></u></i></b><i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Likewise, we cannot fully love our fellowmen if we do not
love </span></i><a href="http://lds.org/study/topics/god-the-father?lang=eng"><i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">God, the Father</span></i></a><i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"> of us all.
The Apostle John tells us, “This commandment have we from him, That he who
loveth God love his brother also.” We are all spirit children of our Heavenly
Father and, as such, are brothers and sisters. As we keep this truth in mind,
loving all of God’s children will become easier.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I would hope that we would strive
always to be considerate and to be sensitive to the thoughts and feelings and
circumstances of those around us. Let us not demean or belittle. Rather, let us
be compassionate and encouraging. We must be careful that we do not destroy
another person’s confidence through careless words or actions.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Forgiveness should go hand in hand
with love. In our families, as well as with our friends, there can be hurt
feelings and disagreements. Again, it doesn’t really matter how small the issue
was. It cannot and should not be left to canker, to fester, and ultimately to
destroy. Blame keeps wounds open. Only forgiveness heals."<a href="file:///C:/Users/Owner/Downloads/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2" title=""><sup><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><b><sup><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">[2]</span></sup></b><!--[endif]--></sup></a><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">My brothers and sisters that feel
isolated from the church you love…I’m sorry that is your experience and you
have obviously been treated badly by people that call themselves Latter-day
Saints. They are ignorant, ill-advised and the doors of their heart are tightly
shut. They act in a way not organically born of the gospel principles because
they obviously don’t embrace the gospel principles. They aren’t listening to
President Monson. I don’t know where they get their information. A similar case
in point, my mother-in-law is from Australia and she converted when she was 19.
She married an LDS boy and his very LDS mother told her that she (my
mother-in-law) would never have the opportunity to reach the highest degree of
heaven because that was only reserved for those that grew up in Utah.
WHAAAT?!?! I nearly died when I first heard that. In my naiveté, I guess I
thought everyone in the church was on the same page. We strive for that of
course. I hope someone is teaching her the truth right now, God rest her soul.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I have a student RIGHT NOW that was
put into the foster care system because he came out to his LDS parents as a
homosexual. This is the story as I heard it from the parents. I also know of a
person that won’t take the sacrament from a certain young priesthood holder.
You know when your children need you most? WHEN THEY FEEL THE MOST UNLOVED. We,
as parents, are not to be the source of our children’s self-loathing. That stuff isn’t right. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">It's just not right.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">But let’s flip that coin. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I hear and read social media posts
all the time from bitter former members of the church that are absolutely <b><i><u>vitriolic
</u></i></b>about the LDS Church’s stance on…whatever it is…the family
proclamation, baptizing the children of gay parents, women holding the
Priesthood, etc… Both camps that are waving the flags of these issues must
remember LOVE. Love is the very essence of Godliness.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Please know that we aren’t all like
that. Please know that we don’t all live in that little bubble. Also know, from
my point of view, you won’t convince the LDS church to change its policies with
your badgering or your civil disobedience and negative posts on social media.
The people reading your posts already love you. We just wonder why you would
offend us, when we are trying so hard to love you? (I speak only to a few of
you – just as there are a few ridiculous Latter-day Saints out there too.) I
get really tired of the posts that begin “Mormon church..blah, blah, blah…
hates the gays….hates women…blah, blah, blah…No one is going to get anywhere screaming
hate in any direction.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Can’t we all just be like Jesus? And
if you aren’t a Christian anymore, you can still be like Jesus. Ha! He is such
a good guy. Ethics exist even if they aren’t religiously based. Right? That’s
what the LGBTQ+ community is always telling me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">STILL - the evidence is so clear,
so...evident! For those of us that live in a bubble and think the abuse and
bullying doesn’t exist anymore, please read this quote from Brother Mitch Mayne: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“My world was full of people who
weren’t shy about telling me how to live my life — and on any given day, I
couldn’t be Mormon enough for my Latter-day Saint family and friends, and I
couldn’t be gay enough for my LGBT community. I felt like a man with a foot in
two worlds, but I didn’t fully belong in either. No matter which one I chose, I
still lost part of myself.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">But today that’s different. Today,
when someone tells me, “You can’t be both gay and Mormon,” I gently reply,
“Watch me. I do it every day.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">And I am not alone.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Today, there are thousands — perhaps
tens of thousands — of LGBT Mormons like me throughout the world, and we claim
both our religious roots and our orientation without apology. We don’t view
ourselves as “broken and suffering,” the way many inside Mormonism see us.
Instead, we have come to realize that the only thing “broken” about us is the
way we were taught to understand ourselves in relation to God and our fellow
humans; and any “suffering” we have experienced has come largely at the hands
of our brothers and sisters inside the Mormon church…”<a href="file:///C:/Users/Owner/Downloads/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftn3" name="_ftnref3" title=""><sup><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><b><sup><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">[3]</span></sup></b><!--[endif]--></sup></a><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Now I realize that the next evidence
is three years old, but the study group is large and, I think, very important!
Back in 2016, the Journal of GLBT Family Studies published a survey of 587
Latter-day Saints that identified as a member of this community. “The purpose
of the study was to evaluate patterns of family support and rejection in a
large sample and links between psychosocial health and family acceptance.” <a href="file:///C:/Users/Owner/Downloads/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftn4" name="_ftnref4" title=""><sup><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">[4]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></sup></a> The
question that fascinated me was how
their families reacted to them when they came out as same-sex oriented. They
found that they could divide all 587 answers into 5 dominant reaction
categories. 1) Hostility and violence, 2) Conscience -stricken, 3) Avoidance,
4) Conditional Positivity and 5) Positive Affirmation. Of the 587 answers, I am
just going to give a sampling of the group. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">In the group that reacted with
hostility the answers include:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Severe rejection, hostility and name
calling by parents<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Violent acts<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“You will be the reason we are not
an eternal family”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“They gave me one hour to pack my
things and leave.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">In the group that was “conscience
-stricken” the answers include:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Strong feelings of guilt. Parents
asked “what did we do wrong?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“My mom was embarrassed by me.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“My mom blamed herself.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">In the group of “avoidance,” (the largest group) the answers include:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Strong belief in change.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Significant embracing of myths<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Placed blame outside of the child<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Parents distanced themselves from
the child<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">In the group of “conditional positivity” the answers include:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Encouraging and researching “cures”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">●<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Conditional support as long as the
child never acts on a relationship<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">●<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Reassured me that they still love
me but they can’t support me if I ever act on my orientation.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">And finally, in the group of
“positive affirmation” the answers include:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">●<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Siblings were more likely to have
positive affirmation than parents<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">●<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“My family was thrilled and thought
that I would be happier…”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">●<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">My parents were extremely supportive
and told me that they would always love me and stand behind me regardless of
how I choose to approach my homosexuality.”<br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br />
<!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Of the reaction categories, I was
glad to see that extreme hostility was not common, but it was there. Shame and
ignorance seemed to share the spotlight. It was a fascinating study of people
trying so hard to move with the times as the light on our LGBTQ brothers and
sisters gets brighter. We must increase the positive light. We must live the first great commandment to
love our neighbor. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">What Jesus would do…are you with
me?!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">1.
Let’s stop judging each other. Your relationship with your Heavenly Parents is
private and no one is allowed in but you - why should it be different for
anyone?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">We all have but one “judge in
Israel.” If we open our hearts to someone different than ourselves, we will
begin to feel the kind of Christ-like love the Savior has for us. He doesn’t
choose who to love. We must strive to remember the mote in our own eyes. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">We are in no position to say who has
God-like potential and who doesn’t. We all do. By shutting off our superiority
complex we can be a force for good. We do the opposite and all we’re doing is
shattering the first and second great commandments. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">2.
Be sincerely understanding and connected to every child of God no matter their
sexuality. Avoid avoidance!<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Well - I hate to be the bearer of
honesty, but I will tell you this loud and clear: thanks to the hard work of
their loving brothers and sisters that have gone before them, the new
generation of our gay brothers and sisters, even the kids that I teach every
day, are not afraid of who they are. They have decided that it is much easier
to go through school by living their authentic selves. I used to pray and pray
and worry and pray for my students that were still “in the closet” that they
would stay there until after they graduated from high school just for their
safety’s sake. I was wrong. They are strong and modern. They are O.U.T. and
they need us to sincerely understand and connect to them without bias or
prejudice in any way. THEY NEED OUR LOVE. Their sexuality does not define them
any more than mine defines me. Social rejection is one of the worst things we
can be part of - I will talk about that later. DO NOT REJECT THEM.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I read an article on social media
about a member of a congregation that would not take the sacrament from a
teenage boy that professed to be gay. Wow. If I was that boy, I would run so
far and so fast. The fact that he is in church at all should be what we are
celebrating. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I watched a video on LDS.org called
Tonya's Story. Let me tell you - I learned so much from Tonya! One thing stood
out to me as a light in my darkness. She said "He (her gay son) will work
out the details of his mission here on earth with his Heavenly Father and we’re
here (she and her husband) to just support and love him day by day.” Did we
hear that?! Same-sex attraction, as a proportion of any person’s mission here
on earth, is only between THAT person and GOD. Thank you, Tonya.<a href="file:///C:/Users/Owner/Downloads/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftn5" name="_ftnref5" title=""><sup><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">[5]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></sup></a> ONLY
BETWEEN THAT PERSON AND GOD. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">3.
Do not despair! Be patient. We will understand all of this in God’s time. </span></b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">This is for everyone! Remember: God will not be pushed from
behind! Time is a human convention, not a godly one. The longer we are patient
the more our understanding will increase. Take a deep breath and leave this
hard stuff to God. Quit worrying about it out loud (I’m talking to you, Lady at
the Theatre) and use your energy to serve, love and <i><b>learn.</b></i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Despair is real. I’ve seen both
parents and their gay children living through it at the same time. Remember
that ever blessing made possible through the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the
Plan of Happiness is accessible to everyone. Despair leads to impatience. Trust
the Lord. Don’t blame God for anything you don’t understand in this life. Let’s
be patient together in love! It might sound so trite - but it’s everything!
I’ve no doubt that one day the windows of heaven will open and we will all know
the great and glorious plan of God in its entirety. I CAN’T WAIT! Oh, wait…. yes I can. I will. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">4.
In the meanwhile, let’s stop trying to change to each other!<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">This is a little tricky because in
the LDS church we teach each other. We don’t have a paid clergy with advanced
degrees in Theology teaching us every Sunday. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">As a result of this, I have heard
all of the following things more than once:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">a. “This could be fixed if they just
married a woman (or man if they are a Lesbian), they would eventually learn to
love her/him.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Inside Jan’s mind: And eventually, they will destroy their spouses (and children’s) life. Yep. I’ve seen that
storyline so many times that it hurts just thinking about it. Great if they
choose that path on their own, but that is not an agenda we should be pushing.
All humans deserve intimate love. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">b. “Isn’t there some kind of therapy
that will take the gay away?” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Sigh. I’ve heard the horror stories
up close. I have cried in rage at the funeral of a student that simply decided
he wasn’t going to go through the treatments anymore. There are still 70+
countries in which homosexuality is still illegal, and I’m betting they have
tried every degrading, inhumane therapy there is to “solve” the problem and
guess what? When we try to “fix” anyone we are telling them that they aren’t
good enough for us, or for God. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">c. “They don’t know what they’re
missing!” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">GAH! They would probably say the same thing to us. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">d. “If they pray hard and long
enough, their temptations will go away.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">See #B above. Sexuality itself isn’t
a temptation. It’s part of your hormonal makeup. What I have learned from my
students is that they didn’t learn it, pursue it or contract it. It was always
there. Case in point – I once had a student that was cast as a leading man in a
musical I was directing. He was distraught and pulled me into my office to ask
me if I could re-block the stage kiss somehow. He was having such anxiety about
kissing a woman. He asked me, “What if I asked you to kiss a woman on stage?” I
couldn’t deny I would be fraught with anxiety as well. But his plight made it
real for me. I answered him with a question in return “why did you audition if
you knew what was ahead?” He said he hoped he could talk me out of it when it
was too late to re-cast it. Stupid kid. We both learned a lot that day.</span></i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">5. Love unconditionally as Jesus would. What are
we afraid of? We all know better!<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">From John the Beloved: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“</span></i><a href="http://www.kingjamesbibleonline.org/1-John-4-18/"><i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth
out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in
love.</span></i></a><i> </i><a href="http://www.kingjamesbibleonline.org/1-John-4-19/"><i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">We love him, because he first loved us.</span></i></a><i> </i><a href="http://www.kingjamesbibleonline.org/1-John-4-20/"><i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he
is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he
love God whom he hath not seen?</span></i></a><i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"> And this commandment have we from
him, That he who loveth God love his brother also.<a href="file:///C:/Users/Owner/Downloads/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftn6" name="_ftnref6" title=""><sup><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><b><sup><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">[6]</span></sup></b><!--[endif]--></sup></a><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">According to the Utah State Suicide
Prevention Plan for 2017-2021, “Gay and transgender teens who were highly
rejected by their parents and caregivers were more than eight times more likely
to attempt suicide compared with gay and transgender teens who were only
rejected a little by their parents and caregivers.”<a href="file:///C:/Users/Owner/Downloads/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftn7" name="_ftnref7" title=""><sup><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">[7]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></sup></a> Eight
times! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">6. This is for everybody! <span style="color: #333333;">Be sure to charge your spiritual battery by spending
quality time in sacred places.</span></span></b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"> No one cares more than your Father in Heaven.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I am willing to bet my life that
Heavenly Father will soon bring his beloved LGBTQ children a multitude of
answers and exquisite blessings as a reward for their patience. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">For my LGBTQ brothers and sister out
there that might be reading: I survived my celibacy because I knew my
relationship with God was more important. I knew I had made promises to Him and
I wanted to honor those covenants. Could I do that my whole life? Let’s pretend
I didn’t marry the world’s greatest man. I’m very competitive with myself. I
would want to meet that challenge considering the things I have been promised
that lie ahead of me if I can endure to the end. I love a big trophy, after
all. But...MY WHOLE LIFE? I can’t even
answer that honestly because now I am married.<i> All I can do is layout unconditional love for you, my friends and
students, that must navigate life, love and church using that special compass.
Mine is a very small perspective, and again, I'm no expert. Because of the
nature of my art and my job, I have had an overwhelming opportunity to get to
know and love the LGBTQ community. I pray every day that we as a nation and a
religion will honor your challenge with love and understanding.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">EVERYBODY - Until we are given
further light and knowledge, we must give everything and everyone the patience
that God gives us.</span></i></b><i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "caveat"; font-size: 24.0pt;"> </span></b><b><span style="font-family: "caveat"; font-size: 24.0pt;"> </span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "caveat"; font-size: 24.0pt;">Recipe
for Chapter 6 - <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Emergency! You need something sweet,
but not too...and you have all that left-over buttercream from the recipe in
chapter 4... but you don’t want to drag out ingredients. If I drag out all the
ingredients then I will not stop at just a single serving. I don’t need to add
that self-destructive feeling to my day either.
What to do? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Don’t worry I got you. Cake mix and
microwave to the rescue!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "caveat"; font-size: 24.0pt;">Chocolate
“Lava” Cake in a Mug (for One)</span></b><b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">¼ cup of your favorite chocolate
cake mix<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">3 T oil <i>or</i> (2 T oil and 2 T sour cream!)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">3 T milk<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Some chocolate chips, nuts,
sprinkles and a couple of mini marshmallows (optional)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">In a regular-sized mug, START with
the oil and combine first three ingredients. (If you add the oil first, it
won’t stick to the sides quite as easily.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Bake in the microwave for 75 - 90
seconds - not more! There is no egg in this recipe and if you go more than 90
seconds you will burn it. All that work for nothing!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Add a scoop of ice cream to the end
product? Yes, please!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "caveat"; font-size: 24.0pt;"><i>Homework
Assignment for Chapter 6</i><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I made a wedding cake for a gay
couple a few months ago. When I showed the picture to my family, a few of them
surprised me by saying “wait...is that legal in Utah?” (Sorry fam! I gave you
away). My parents have welcomed all of my friends into their home for decades.
I’m so grateful for their openness of heart. My families house has always had a
revolving door for everyone, still, we can all use a little education to expand
our love for each other. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Let’s take a quiz! What is your
basic knowledge of the LDS LGBTQ community? The following are statements taken
directly from the LDS Church website
“MormonandGay.churchofjesuschrist.org”
and the U.S. District Court for the District of Utah.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">True or False? (1 point per each correct answer)<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0in;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo4;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">TRUE FALSE The
intensity of same-sex attraction is not a measure of your
faithfulness. <o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo4;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">TRUE FALSE A
change in attraction cannot be expected or demanded as an outcome by
parents or leaders.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo4;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">TRUE FALSE As
a parent (or friend/relative) the least productive prayer is “why?”
closely followed by “please take this away right now.”<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo4;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">TRUE FALSE Since
2003, transgender persons can change their legal gender without surgery<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo4;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">TRUE FALSE As
Church members, we all have a responsibility to create a supportive and
loving environment for all our brothers and sisters.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo4;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">TRUE FALSE Same-sex
attraction (SSA) refers to emotional, physical, romantic, or sexual
attraction to a person of the same gender.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo4;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">TRUE FALSE Same
sex marriage has been legal in Utah since 2014<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo4;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">TRUE FALSE People
with same-sex attraction can hold church callings. <o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo4;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">TRUE FALSE You
are not to blame yourself for your child’s same-sex attraction.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo4;">TRUE FALSE Same sex attraction is no one’s fault. </li>
<br />Your final score? Here is some additional reading material if you are interested!</ol>
<ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0in;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo3;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“<i>That We May be One</i>” by Tom
Christofferson. At the very least you will be uplifted by a families
unconditional love for their son. <o:p></o:p></span></li>
</ol>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"> 2. Everyone in the church should go
to </span><a href="https://mormonandgay.churchofjesuschrist.org/"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">https://mormonandgay.churchofjesuschrist.or</span></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">g and watch the videos and read the information provided for
all of us. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Answers
to Quiz: They are all TRUE.<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<a href="file:///C:/Users/Owner/Downloads/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" title=""><sup><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[1]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></sup></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn2">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="file:///C:/Users/Owner/Downloads/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2" title=""><sup><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[2]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></sup></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> “<i>Love is the
Essence of the Gospel</i>,” President Thomas S. Monson, Ensign, May 2014<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn3">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="file:///C:/Users/Owner/Downloads/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftnref3" name="_ftn3" title=""><sup><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[3]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></sup></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> “</span><i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">Refusing To Choose</span></i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">…”
Mitch Mayne, HuffPost, September 15, 2016<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn4">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="file:///C:/Users/Owner/Downloads/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftnref4" name="_ftn4" title=""><sup><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[4]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></sup></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> Journal of
GLBT Family Studies, A Mixed Methods Analysis, Mattingly, et.al, Vol. 12, 2016<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn5">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="file:///C:/Users/Owner/Downloads/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftnref5" name="_ftn5" title=""><sup><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[5]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></sup></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> “<i>Refusing to
Choose</i>,” Mitch Mayne, Huff Post, September 15, 2016<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn6">
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<a href="file:///C:/Users/Owner/Downloads/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftnref6" name="_ftn6" title=""><sup><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[6]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></sup></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> 1 John 4:18-21<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<a href="file:///C:/Users/Owner/Downloads/Ladies%20in%20Waiting_%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip%204_5_2020.docx#_ftnref7" name="_ftn7" title=""><sup><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[7]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></sup></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> Caitlin Ryan, Family Acceptance Project<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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JanHunsakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15091794687144885749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6939682088832127408.post-66964013220367157162020-04-11T10:35:00.001-06:002020-04-11T11:01:03.278-06:00Adjusting Our Grip Chapter 5: Group 2-Waiting for Babies<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><br /></b><i>This chapter is largely a repeat of a blog I wrote in 2012 about the frustrations of not being able to bear biological children. You might not be in this group of waiters. Staying faithful through bitterness and longing for blessings of this magnitude is something every single one of the waiters understands deeply. </i></span><br />
<div>
<br />
<div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><i>Chapter 5 - Waiting for Babies</i></b></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<i>Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.<br /><br /> Psalm 127:3-5</i><br />
<br />
<br />
My mom raised 7 kids. It's what you do around these parts. I was first. When I was young I tended to look at my endless stream of brothers and sisters as taking me further and further away from my parents. Would I change that now? Never. But as a result, there wasn't a lot of one on one time I got to have with my mom that I remember. But I hung on to the things I had seen my mother do. Actions. Example. I knew how much she was revered by my dad and by everyone that knew her and I figured, if I stayed on that track...I could be as perfect as she was.<br />
<br />
I'm not sure if she ever regretted the fact that she didn't finish college, but I know that she considered bringing seven children into the world a very serious contract with the Lord and the world. In fact, in 1942 the First Presidency of the church recognized motherhoods as “the highest, holiest service assumed to mankind.” It was because of her example that I have always wanted to have my own family.<br />
<br />
So you can imagine my surprise when I found myself to be 40 years old and they told me.... everyone told me that if I stayed faithful, I would be given the chance to be a mother.... and at 40 I had not even procured a seed donor.<br />
<br />
Ironically, I was raising other people's kids as a public school teacher for 30 years. My husband and I have no children of our own. Instead of making cookies for my own biological children, I send them home on the bus to someone else. I am still listening to them all day, teaching them how to work at something, be self-sufficient, creating a tribe, but at 3:00 every day, they go home to their real parents. Their “real” tribe. <br />
<br />
So when do I get to do it for real? <br />
<br />
Infertility SUCKS the life out of you. Ha! Quite literally. Too much? </div>
<div>
I was blessed to receive my Patriarchal Blessing 40 years ago when I was just 14. I didn’t appreciate its magnitude, its depth at such a young age. The blessing, on paper, is about two pages long single-spaced. When I had a young brain my mission president suggested that I memorize it. What an amazing thing to have on hand at all times. Have the promises in my blessing come to pass? Oh, yes. But one promise in particular has not been as literal as I would like it to be.<br />
<br />
Here’s the passage that haunts me. It reads: “You will be blessed to be a mother in Zion. Your children, and their children, will sit at your feet, and call you blessed for your honesty and your fairness.”<br />
<br />
The minute I stood on a college campus I was looking for a husband. I was 18. Every single man I ever dated went through a kind of test in my mind, “would he be a good father?" That's probably my biggest secret. Jan Shelton Hunsaker, career woman, didn't really want to work for anyone but God. Truth.<br />
<br />
After we got engaged, Andy and I decided that since I was already in the “at-risk” category for pregnancy, that we would try to get pregnant as soon as we could. I thanked my Heavenly Father five times a day that he had given me someone that was as excited as I was to start a family. So many blessings! It was like I had won the lottery and I just kept winning every day.<br />
<br />
I was just a few months from enjoying the life I had always wanted and it felt euphoric every day. Even my doctor said “don’t waste time, but you should be fine.” In the back of my head I knew it would not be easy. I would conquer that challenge just as I did everything that came my way. I had beat my biological clock by a few seconds and I would use every single second I had left to my advantage. Within eight weeks of getting married I was throwing up in the nearest garbage can like a champion. I miscarried that baby at auditions for Little Shop of Horrors the musical and I can’t think of a more appropriate title for the event. I was in the women’s bathroom at Tuacahn (where we were working at the time). <br />
<br />
The next pregnancy was idyllic and then on December 22, 2006 around five in the morning I felt some sharp pains in my lower abdomen and I was having a hard time going back to sleep. I was determined to lay in bed though because it was the first day of Christmas break and Andy and I had decided to sleep in for the first time in months. Teachers get to be excited about Christmas break all their life! But I was 6 1/2 months pregnant, I wasn’t feeling very well and there was no position that I could get myself in that was comfortable enough to go back to sleep. Occasionally I would get another sharp pain but they were short and I thought they would eventually go away.<br />
<br />
I was officially 27 weeks pregnant. We were having a little boy that we were already calling “Noah Max Hunsaker.” He was a late bloomer and this worried me. Usually, you should feel a baby kick by 20 weeks and by 23 weeks, nothing. Andy was in rehearsal for A Christmas Carol at the Utah Shakespeare Festival. I was assisting the director. This night was the first time they had used microphones for one of Andy's characters "Ghost of Christmas Present." The sound guy decided, that night, to add a lot of reverberation to Andy's mic and when he bellowed "are there no workhouses!?" I felt Noah kick for the first time. Then, any time Andy would speak, Noah would kick. After the rehearsal when Andy came down the aisle to go home, Noah kicked again. I knew that he recognized his dad. It made me laugh so much.<br />
<br />
At around 7 in the morning on December 22, the pains were pretty fierce and I just couldn’t stand it so I got up. I thought Noah was as excited as we were to have the next two weeks off. I just kept saying “Noah, simmer down now.” Andy, in his wisdom, started timing the pains. At 27 weeks I guess it just didn't occur to me that it would be contractions.<br />
<br />
The doctor's office asked two questions, when did they start and how long between intervals. I was having sharp pains that would double me over every five minutes and they lasted about 30 – 45 seconds. They said, “get to the hospital, you are in labor.” The first round of phone calls began “Please start praying, Jan is in labor.”<br />
<br />
I hadn’t showered, shaved my legs, packed a bag, had a breathing lesson, nothing. We still had three months for that! This was absolutely wrong. So when we got to the hospital they admitted me, and a perinatal specialist Dr. Robert Fagnant, met us there and did an exam immediately since our regular doctor still had patients to attend to. Dr. F. is one of the best Perio-neonatologists in the United States and everyone told us over and over that, we were in one of the best Neonatal units in the state, if not the United States. Several very acclaimed preemie doctors have taken up residence here. We were very lucky.<br />
<br />
Dr. F. told us ALL the news. The good, the bad, the scary and the inevitable, that we were going to deliver a baby that day if not in the next couple of hours. I was freaking out. He told us that 50% of all babies born at 25 weeks turned out perfectly fine if they were big enough, and the other 50% had all kinds of problems including blindness, cerebral palsy, deafness, and a myriad of other problems. Because I wanted to deal with our decisions intelligently I tried desperately to be as unemotional as I could at this time. I listened to the whole story, the positive and the not so positive. But that was the beginning of the nightmare. I went into some kind of deafness myself. I started praying non-stop. I started making promises to Heavenly Father that I would raise this boy in the light and that I would quit working and be the best mom that I could be. I didn’t stop praying for 36 hours.<br />
<br />
People were swirling around, it was a beehive of activity. Very small babies were born in that room but none quite as small as Noah would be. Everyone was very concerned, but also, very calm. Dr. F did an ultrasound and tried to guess how much Noah weighed so that preparations in the next room could be readied. They figured that he weighed around 870 grams, just under two pounds and that was "great! He's a giant already!" There was a great chance that he would be completely normal and just need a few months stay in the NICU before we could bring him home. Everyone had a story of a baby that had survived at that age. I was feeling like we might win. <br />
<br />
I also wanted to scream. I wanted to do everything I could to make the contractions stop. They tipped the bed upside down and laid a stack of pillows under me to keep Noah upright. They gave me a yellow pill that was supposed to relax the uterus so that it wouldn’t be able to contract. That worked almost immediately and everyone relaxed a little. They wanted me to hold that baby inside as long as I possibly could so that the steroids that they gave me would work through him to help mature his lungs as quickly as possible. They hoped that I could keep him inside 48 hours, but they weren’t very positive that this would happen.<br />
<br />
I could feel both sides of the family praying like crazy. I was in a kind of trance of prayer. I was also holding very still. I felt like if I moved, I would tear something loose, or jar Noah or start another contraction. By about 10 that night I was finally able to sleep. I had defied the timeline. Dr. F. had fully expected to have delivered him by then. I knew that people were praying, our families were praying, the nurses and the doctors were all praying. There was a powerful spirit in that room like I had never felt.<br />
<br />
A postpartum team was waiting on the other side of the window of the room I was in to take the baby once he was delivered. They sat around and waited, and waited. My sisters, who had been there from the beginning, went home to put their families to bed with the condition that no matter what time of night, we were to call them and they would be there for the birth. The doctors all went home for a few hours and the good nurses, and Andy took care of me.<br />
<br />
Andy tried to sleep in a reclining chair next to my bed but it was more like a war between Andy and the chair. It was hilarious (but not to Andy). He didn't even get one day of vacation. He was so exhausted and I felt so bad for him. I could see the worry on his face like I had never seen before. What an incredible blessing to me. Andy did not deserve to have this happen to him. I started to feel so much guilt about being older than him – again – and putting him through this ordeal. I just prayed and prayed that Noah would stay put for another day and that eventually, he would be able to get to know the sweet, faithful, strong, hilarious man I know as his father. I hoped that Noah would pick up those traits from Andy. Just one more day would help so much they kept saying....one more day...even an hour.<br />
<br />
But it was not to be. At about four o’clock in the morning on the 23d of December, the nightmare before Christmas began.<br />
<br />
Caroline, our nurse, could feel Noah’s head. She ran out of the room flipping the lights on everywhere as she went. Suddenly, everyone that was playing cards or sleeping was wide awake and in “baby” mode. The room came alive. Dr. Eggert, another amazing doctor in charge of the NICU, got his team together in the resuscitation room ready for the pass-off. I was then able to feel the contractions pretty clearly and they had me push right away. <br />
<br />
I thought it would be one easy push. A baby that small should just shoot out, right? Let me say a couple of things about pushing. What the…? First of all, I couldn’t tell what was being pushed and what wasn’t. People were giving me all kinds of advice and I was doing everything I could. I asked them to let the epidural wear off so that I could feel what I was doing. I pushed for almost two hours – from 4:00am to 6:00. <br />
<br />
Once he was out and they had cut the cord, the good doctor held him up as he crossed the room for me to see but went straight by me and passed him through the window to the waiting team on the other side in the NICU. All I heard them say about him was that he had an obvious cleft lip. I knew that wasn’t terrible and these days, cleft lips can be repaired. So ironic that he was born to two actors. That’s the way it works though, huh? No one would be better equipped to teach him how to speak properly than both of his parents. My mind was reeling. I was praying so hard I thought my heart would explode.</div>
<div>
I was shocked at how maternal I felt immediately. I wanted to hold that baby. I knew he needed intensive care, I could see that he was tiny, so tiny and it was shocking. But I ached immediately to have that baby put on my chest like regular moms. Even though they told me that they were going to pass him straight off to another team and that I would not be able to hold him, that was my first self-pity moment. I had spent 6 months with this kid and now they were taking him away. Why couldn't anything just be easy, just “traditional” for me?<br />
<br />
Dr. F came back into the room to say that Noah had officially used his lungs and had cried out. I missed it. He had also pooped and pee’d all over everyone and that was a great sign. Glad I missed that. Andy said “that’s my boy,” and everyone laughed. The spirit of the room was getting lighter now that he was born and in safe hands. Looking back over the moment, I wished someone had recorded that little cry, because once they had stuck all those tubes down his throat, he never used his little voice again.</div>
<div>
<br />
Noah Max Hunsaker was the smallest baby ever born in that hospital. There is nothing proud about setting that kind of record. Everyone wanted to know how much he weighed and even an hour after he was born they hadn’t weighed him, there were more important things to do. But Dr. E. finally came in and told us that they had gotten him all hooked up and he was breathing about 70% on his own, which was fantastic. He weighed in at a whopping 24 ounces. O.N.E. P.O.U.N.D .A.N.D. A. H.A.L.F. I was expecting a linebacker for the 49ers. He was a full 12 ½ inches long. As long as a school ruler. But they all said that he was much longer than they expected. He WAS a giant.<br />
<br />
Two hours later they finally let us in to see him for about 10 minutes. There was still such a whirl of activity going on, we felt so in the way. But as I stood next to that little incubator I was in shock. He was hooked up to everything imaginable, there was no way we would be able to pick him up for months. His chest was pumping up and down with the help of a tiny little breathing machine and he had on a preemie diaper that was drowning him. The nurses had put a crocheted Christmas hat on him and he looked like he was ready for the circus. “Come and see the miniature man – the tiniest human ever born.” I had a hard time even saying his name. I don’t know why. I just choked on it four or five times, but then when I finally was able to get it out, Gilly, his nurse told me to keep talking to him because his blood pressure and heart rate were going down when I did. I’m not sure if she told me that to make me feel better or what, but that did help me want to talk to him.<br />
<br />
We left the NICU and got into the elevator and I immediately burst into tears. For the first time in my life, I had to let someone else take complete control of a situation and I could do absolutely nothing. Nothing but pray. I knew there were people in my room and I didn’t want to go back there, I wanted to stay with Andy in the elevator forever. It was all such a bad dream.<br />
<br />
But the elevator ride was only one floor. When the doors opened, our good Bishop Brad Anderson, was standing there. I went to my room and Brad took Andy aside and was able to speak to him and help him understand this whole thing in a way that shed a beautiful light on The Plan of Salvation, and God's love for us. He told Andy that God's commandment to multiply and replenish the earth had been fulfilled with Noah and that if we were never able to have more children, it was okay. I will always be so indebted to Bishop Anderson. But, I wish I had heard that advice myself.<br />
<br />
Andy decided after 24 hours in the hospital and wrestling with a chair all night, he was going to go home and shower while the doctors were doing all the tests on Noah. Since I hadn’t packed a bag or anything, I gave him a list of things to bring back with him. I stayed in the wheelchair and finally got to meet the postpartum nurses who brought in the dreaded BREAST PUMP.<br />
<br />
If there was a moment of comedy to be had throughout the day, it was the "breast pump and cotton pony adventure." It was 11 am when they brought in the pump and showed me how to use it. The nurse said it might not work right off the bat since Noah had come so early, but to pump every three hours for 10 minutes or so. They were expecting to switch Noah over to stored breast milk once he was able to get off the I.V.’s of steroids and antibiotics. Despite the sheer humiliation of the pump – I was determined to do what I had to do for Noah and I knew breast milk would help him. We (my sisters and I) laughed so much though, it wasn’t long before the ten minutes were over. It was a relief to laugh.</div>
<div>
Everyone at the hospital was trying so hard to be positive. A funny nurse came in and gave me ten complimentary packages of "cotton ponies." I said "huh?" They looked like regular boxes of maxi-pads to me. She said she called them that because they are about "two feet long and two inches thick, and makes you feel like you're riding a horse." I found out that was true and I've never called them anything else since and neither has Andy.</div>
<div>
<br />
Almost as if on cue, after I had finished pumping, Dr. E. entered the room with nurse Gilly. I could tell that Gilly had been crying and I decided not to look at her anymore. I was still sitting in the wheelchair and my sisters were in the room with me. Dr. E. asked for Andy. But Andy had gone home to shower. I panicked. He said he had bad news. The tests had come back and Noah was not the healthy little boy with an attitude that they all thought he was. Most of what he said was doctor language and I was hanging on to words like, “heart malfunction,” and “ventricle is only pumping 20% in return,” and most importantly, it appeared as if he had “had several strokes because his brain was flooded with blood and the fontanel was increasing in pressure.” They thought the strokes had happened several days earlier and that might be why he had decided to deliver so early. <br />
<br />
Dr. E. shook his head and looked in his lap and said “this is the saddest kind of advice a doctor likes to give because we are programmed to heal people, but Jan, Noah is a very sick little boy and even if we were able to keep him alive and on machines for the rest of his life, he would have such severe brain damage that he would never function as a human should." In addition, he said, they didn’t expect him to live without the aid of every single pump and machine that he was currently hooked up to. One of the ventricles of his heart had fused itself to the front of his lung and there was no way to fix that problem. Dr. E. guessed that if they took him off the machines, he might last a few years, or as little as 15 - 30 minutes on his own. His advice was to spend a couple of hours with him, hold him, talk to him, and then let him go. He said he would wait for Andy to return and for us to make a decision before he did anything, but that they would keep him alive as long as we needed.<br />
<br />
As long as we needed him to be alive? I needed him to be alive forever! Was I dreaming this? Was this actually happening? Was I being asked to pull the plug on the baby I had dreamt about, prayed for, for sooooo many years…and now I had to decide to take him off his life support and let him turn right back around and go back to his Heavenly Father. I couldn’t do it. Where was Andy?<br />
<br />
At that point, the four of us in the room, my two sisters, the nurse and I burst into tears and I only remember looking at my knees after that.<br />
<br />
Andy came immediately back to the hospital and I repeated everything Dr. E. had told us. My sisters left us alone to make a decision that ordinary humans should never be allowed to make. We decided that he didn't deserve to live life in a bed just because we were too attached to him. We would have the doctors take him off the machines. We felt a peace enter the room and I was able to finally stop crying. We asked Dr. E. if we could give him a name and a blessing and could he keep him alive for 4 more hours while our parents drove like maniacs from Northern Utah to participate in that ordinance. Dr. E. agreed. He also told us that Noah had grabbed on to his feeding and breathing tubes and had pulled them out twice. They were going to have to tape them to his very thin skin, which is something they hadn't wanted to do. Were we okay with that? I was affixed to the thought that he was capable of grabbing his tubes and pulling them out, not once, but twice. The decision was easier for me after that. Noah wanted to go home.<br />
<br />
At 27 weeks, sometimes a babies eyelids are still sealed shut like a little puppy. I could swear however, that when I was talking to him, at times, he was trying so hard to open his little eyes. I could see his tiny eyeballs rolling around in there and I wished so badly, that I could see his eyes. That night, as I was in my drug-induced coma of sleep, I dreamt that I was holding him and he looked up at me with open eyes. I was so grateful for that dream. He looked like Andy and his brother. I still see his navy blue eyes very clearly and remember the weight of him in my arms like a normal baby. I hope I never forget that dream, it was the greatest Christmas gift I have ever received.<br />
<br />
We called our parents and siblings and to no one’s surprise, they all got in their cars and headed down to St. George. It was four hours exactly from the first phone call to the time all those priesthood holders started arriving. During the wait, Gilly let me hold Noah. She laid him directly on my skin over my heart and up near my neck. We stayed in that position for more than three hours. He started breathing more on his own and his blood pressure stabilized during that precious time. I just plead with Heavenly Father to heal him. I begged for help. I begged for a miracle. People told me about their miracles. Weren't there miracles for me? I had waited so long. Eventually, I felt that familiar feeling of the Spirit wrapping his arms around the two of us and giving me the peace that he so often did. I was going to be okay. Andy was going to be okay. Noah was going to be the luckiest of us all. I saw the big picture laid out before me and suddenly I felt ashamed of myself for wanting to keep him and it helped me give him back.\</div>
<div>
<br />
My brother-in-law, who is from St. George, gave me the most beautiful blessing. It sank deep in my soul. I’ll never forget it. I know he was nervous to give it, but it was exactly what I needed to hear. He said “. . . you will not be able to care for your baby like a normal mother will – you must accept that he will be whisked away from your arms back into the loving arms of his Heavenly Father whose plan for Noah is so great that he must return as quickly as he came…” He blessed me with the power to heal, the power to use this experience to increase my spirituality by always keeping the “big picture” in mind and not my personal pain. I will always be grateful to him for that incredible blessing. I have seen the result of it day by day.<br />
<br />
Our other brother-in-law gave Andy a blessing and it was very similar, promising him great peace. I remember one thing that stuck with me in that blessing and that was that Andy would be given “blessings beyond his imagination” for the sacrifice he was making that day. That made me smile, because by then I was looking for any piece of humor in the day and I imagined that Andy would be requesting a house with a pool and front row tickets to a Coldplay concert in heaven.<br />
<br />
Andy was really stressed about what to say when he would shortly give Noah his blessing. When my dad arrived, we pulled him out into the hall to ask our senior patriarch what to say. Andy was just shaking. Dad said only one thing. “the Spirit will direct you.” And that's exactly what happened.<br />
<br />
It was beautiful to see Noah's two grandma's in the room. I am so eternally grateful that God allowed him to stick around long enough for his grandmas to see him. They tried so hard to "keep it together" for us. I know there were great tears from Andy's mom because this was to be her first grandbaby and she was almost as excited as I was. She had such sad eyes that I had a hard time looking at her. I felt like I had failed her. She said "I'm a grandma!" and I'll never forget that.<br />
<br />
Once we had gathered nearly every member of our amazing families, everyone was allowed into the NICU, we stuffed about 20 people into that tiny room and the priesthood holders gathered around and very carefully“laid their hands” on Noah’s tiny head and gave him a name and blessing. Andy thanked him for his short visit and blessed him with all the rights and honors afforded to someone that does not get to fulfill a normal life here on earth. He told him he loved him. How is it possible to love someone so much that you barely know? That you will not get an opportunity to know in this life? My good brother-in-law had the foresight to take a picture of Noah holding my pinky finger with all his might. His inch long fingers, tightly wound around mine. I look at it every day as I say “I love you, Noah,” in my head and I feel like a mom for just a second.<br />
<br />
After the blessing, the family moved into a nearby waiting room and Andy and I said goodbye to Noah. Gilly came in and unhooked Noah from all of his tubes and we gave him a bath. Just 30 minutes after that, with his quarter-inch hair all slicked back and ready, he returned to his Heavenly Father. I felt a deep peace come over me as if someone from beyond the veil was saying “thank you.” We carried his little body into the waiting room and both grandma’s got to hold him, finally. It was done. The whole ordeal…from the first time I had thrown up (in the parking lot at Tuacahn) to signing the release papers at the hospital, it was done.<br />
<br />
We buried him next to my little sister Katie, in the other half of her plot, since she too, was in an infant when she died. We held a little graveside service on December 29th. My brothers sang "Be Still My Soul." And I needed that.<br />
<br />
Be still my soul the Lord is on thy side<br />
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain<br />
Leave to thy God to order and provide<br />
In every change He faithful will remain<br />
Be still my soul thy best, thy heavenly friend<br />
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end<br />
<br />
I had a baby. I didn’t dream it . . .<br />
<br />
He was here, he came in just like any other baby, but he left us all too soon. Just twelve hours later. He had feet, eyebrows and a hairline exactly like his dad’s. But that was just about all we could tell – so tiny and coming from such gregarious, giant-like parents.<br />
<br />
I waited 41 years to find the right man to marry, though I had other opportunities, I just knew it wasn’t to be. Marrying my best friend at 41, well – finding a single worthy priesthood member at that age was my miracle, let's face it. Andy is the greatest blessing of my life. But by bringing Noah into this life fulfilled the measure of my creation, and as much as I spent 41 years trying to convince myself that I was a “whole” human being, despite being a single one, I now see why my married-with-children siblings were so ecstatic when they found out I was pregnant.<br />
<br />
I tried for a long time to understand why I needed that piece of adversity. Why did someone like me, who wants babies so badly, have to go through that? <br />
<br />
Apply a hundred scriptures here! Do we really need to be reminded that that which does not kill us makes us stronger? Another cliche born out of truth. Noah’s death and the subsequent 8 miscarriages that followed has turned me into the Hope diamond with a soft marshmallow center born of humility. Nothing could be worse! Every trial I have since gone through pales in comparison and as Satan and his hoard approach me on a daily basis with his plate of pity and bitterness I stand in front of his ghostly desperation with a sword and a suit of armor. <br />
<br />
My testimony/perspective is this… Noah is mine forever. I will raise him in the next life and I believe that with all my heart. I have felt his presence and I know that he knows I'm his mom. The lessons I have learned about seeing the bigger picture, put my Heavenly Father’s sacrifice into perspective. If I grieved at the loss of an infant I didn’t know, how much more was the grief of our Heavenly Father at the crucifixion of His Son, also a premature death he could not stop even if he wanted to. <br />
<br />
This is my ultimate testimony: that God lives. That He gave His Only Begotten Son back to us for the remission of our sins so that we too, may return to live with our families forever. No amount of miscarriages can take this true knowledge away from me and each one strengthened my resolve to be a better person so that I may earn the rewards that are promised me (that conversation is coming, keep reading!) Infinite are the rewards that await me if I can keep my perspective, hold to the truth that I know and keep my head on straight and my heart in check, as I continue to find out who I am and what God expects me to do. As I continue to learn and apply faith, I feel increasingly indebted to the Savior for His love and intercession on my behalf. How can I not?<br />
<br />
But it wasn’t always like that! That was hard-earned and took time. <br />
<br />
When we left the hospital with nothing but our bills and free boxes of cotton ponies, it was midnight on Christmas Eve. The streets were silent. All I could think about was that I wished there was some drunk driver out that could hit and kill us. But there was no one. Just my luck. So I started a new prayer, that Jesus Christ would make his second coming sooner than later... and I've been praying for that ever since.<br />
<br />
So what about all those fantastic stories that keep us going?</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>My doctor's mom had a baby when she was 49 and that baby turned out to be a lawyer.</li>
<li>There is a 52-year-old mom in Fargo on the verge of delivering her 15th baby today.</li>
<li>The lady in China...had twins at 62... or was it Korea?</li>
<li>John Travolta is in 50's and has a new biological baby...with his wife, 47-year-old Kelly Preston.</li>
<li>There is a blog out there for women over 45 who are pregnant...been there... read it. It has 3000 members.</li>
<li>Sarah...Elizabeth....old. Their children? Isaac...John for-crying-out-loud-The-Baptist!</li>
<li>My own mother had a baby when she was 43 and he turned out brilliantly!</li>
</ul>
<br />
And finally the one that truly haunts me to this day....<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>I met a woman who had ten miscarriages and on the eleventh pregnancy, she gave birth to a baby boy who grew up to look like Superman and was possibly the nicest teenager I had ever met. This was her humble reply "Oh, we just call him <i>The Miracle</i>."</li>
</ul>
I wish I had n.e.v.e.r. heard that.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Where is my miracle?</div>
<div>
<br />
I’ve had nine miscarriages total and Noah. <br />
<br />
We went on crazy diets, took crazy pills...pills that made me crazy, we took every picture of my manufacturing parts that my insurance would allow, autopsies, genetics counseling, allergists, energy healers... I GAVE UP DIET COKE, red meat, sugar, salt, artificial sweeteners, I slept next to a thermometer for months! And still... the verdict was "we don't know why you can't keep those perfect babies."<br />
<br />
WHY? I feel you nodding your head and saying - why didn’t you just stop putting yourself through that after the first or second, even the third one?<br />
<br />
Combined with the playhouse, my natural desire to teach and being the oldest of eight siblings, I have always had the brightest fire to be a mother. I truly believe that most women are born with a natural instinct to bear and nurture children. I thought, and still do, that having children would make me so happy. Happy is still the goal, right? So my journey has been littered with flashes of hope and buckets of despair.</div>
<div>
<br />
If there was a child (and maybe two or three) I could have someone to help me roll out the Christmas cookies. I might even have a reason to make cookies more than once a year. If there were children, I would teach them stuff. SO much stuff. They would not escape me telling them every second of the day WHY stuff is stuff and HOW stuff got to be stuff and WHAT stuff is good or bad or WHERE to go to do fun stuff..with me.<br />
<br />
There would be a reason to come home from work, a reason to shut the computer off, a reason to buy children's books, a reason to Christmas shop, a reason to watch Disney movies, a reason to have birthday parties, a reason to make a vegetable for dinner, a reason to set the table, a reason to decorate for Halloween, a reason to hide Easter eggs, a reason to have a tree swing, a reason to go to a soccer game, a reason to read to someone, a reason to have "family" prayer, a reason to buy Spiderman bandaids, a reason to get a new family picture taken every year.<br />
<br />
A reason to buy baby shoes. Is there anything cuter?<br />
<br />
And there would be an endless stream of "ah ha" moments and what teacher doesn't crave that? There would be that feeling you get when your baby falls asleep in your arms. There would be someone to leave my wedding ring when I died. There would be someone to call me "mom."<br />
<br />
BUT I WILL HAVE TO WAIT.<br />
<br />
So remember that promise from my patriarchal blessing? “...your children, and their children, will sit at your feet, and called you blessed for your honesty and your fairness.”<br />
<br />
There was a moment after my last miscarriage when I was wallowing in my depression – I was down in a dark, dank place without a candle – and I went to a rehearsal as usual, and after the rehearsal, I said “carpet up!” as usual – which means “come-sit-at-my-feet-because-I’m-not-leaving-this-chair-and-I-will-give-you-notes-about-your-performance.” Everybody knows that after rehearsal, the director gives acting notes to the cast to fix for next time. They aren’t always positive, but my job as a director is to make them look good, so the notes are always honest. This is the part where I have been known to say “let’s take the suck out of that scene next time.” But over the years I have learned to add a lot of humor so the notes become less chastening and more “you can do it, we’re all in this together!” It was at that moment that I looked around at the setting and remembered my blessing… “your children will sit at your feet…”<br />
<br />
And the memories flooded back of kids sobbing in my office, asking my advice, preparing for college auditions, hanging out in my classroom at lunch, saying “we heard you laughing in the audience!” hugging me on closing night. All of those memories are mine! All of those blessings - “my kids” gave me all of those blessings.<br />
<br />
And it’s close enough for me...for now. My heart is full.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;"><i>Recipe for Chapter 5- Spudnuts </i></span></b><br />
<br />
My dad is a retired Spanish and history teacher. I remember when he would bring home movies from school. The kind you wind into a machine that sits on a table and shoots the film toward a big sheet that your mom would hang on the paneled wall? My mom would make homemade spudnuts for the entire neighborhood and everyone would come over and squeeze into our family room to watch these movies about American history. Johnny Tremain was my favorite. <br />
<br />
Wow! How times have changed! But S.P.U.D.N.U.T.S N.E.V.E.R. W.I.L.L.<br />
<br />
A spudnut is a donut with potatoes in it. We have a tradition in the Shelton family that once a year at Halloween, we bring our favorite soup and get together at my mom’s house for Soup and Spudnuts. This recipe makes at least 60 fat and fluffy, fried treats. We dunk them in just about everything. We pass them around to the neighbors. We eat until we can’t walk because after all, we only do it once a year.<br />
<br />
One day I will make Spudnuts for my 10 kids. Today I will make 60 spudnuts and eat them all myself.<br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Spudnuts for a Crowd</span></b>1 Cup Shortening<br />
4 Cups Milk<br />
2 Cups Finely Mashed Potatoes (any type)<br />
6 Large Eggs<br />
1 Cup Sugar<br />
3 Tablespoons Active Dry Yeast (I just use the regular stuff but you can use the “fast acting”if you want)<br />
1-½ Tsp Salt<br />
12 Cups Flour</div>
<div>
I use a Bosch mixer and it makes this very easy. But you can do this with any mixer or without. <br />
<br />
Start by putting all your flour, sugar, yeast, and salt in the mixer and mixing them together. Then scald your shortening and milk together so that the shortening is about half melted. Pour that mixture, the eggs and potatoes into the dry ingredients and turn on your mixer for 7 minutes. Don’t scrimp on this time. Once that time is over WALK AWAY and let your dough raise until it has doubled in size. Should take about 30 - 60 minutes depending on the yeast you used. Knead your dough at this point for another 5 - 8 minutes, adding flour as you need it, until it has become stretchy and smooth. This is not a tough dough - it should still be quite soft and tender. Roll it out to a ¾” thickness. Don’t be stingy with the thickness! Cut the spudnuts into a donut shape. I let them sit on my countertop until they are HUGE and puffy (double their size again). Then I fry them in 350 - 375 degree oil until they are on the dark side of golden brown. This recipe makes about 60 BIG spudnuts! <br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Spudnut Toppings</span></b></div>
<div>
Sprinkles, nuts, coconut, marshmallows, puffed rice cereal, Captain Crunch, mini chocolate chips, etc... let your imagination be your guide.<br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Chocolate Glaze</span></b><br />
<br />
2 Cups of Powdered Sugar<br />
2 T Cocoa<br />
½ Cup Melted Butter<br />
1 Tsp Salt<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Lemon Glaze</b></span><br />
<br />
2 Cups of Powdered Sugar<br />
2 T Lemon Juice (or more to taste)<br />
½ Cup Melted Butter<br />
1 Tsp Salt<br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Cinnamon Sugar in a Bag</span></b><br />
<br />
1 Cup Granulated Sugar<br />
2 Teaspoons Ground Cinnamon (or more to taste)<br />
<br />
Pour ingredients in a paper bag. As soon as the donuts are out of the oil, drop them in the bag and shake them up until they are coated.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: x-large;"><i>Homework Assignments for Chapter 5 - Waiting for Babies</i></span></b><br />
<br />
This one is easy. Just because you don’t have kids doesn’t mean you can’t have traditions or do things that you would normally do if you had kids. <br />
<br />
<ol>
<li>Have a classic movie and spudnut night. Theme it around the movie and invite everyone to wear costumes. Costumes make people vulnerable and create great conversation fodder. </li>
</ol>
<br />
<ol>
<li>Just because you don’t have kids doesn’t mean you can’t serve in the Primary, Nursery, Young Men or Young Women. Pray for one of those callings. When I was recently called to the Primary the Bishop told me he had already asked 3 other people who had turned him down. Then pray every day to be able to help that child in a way that their parents can’t. It takes a village. </li>
</ol>
<br />
<ol>
<li>Babysit for someone that needs to get out. This will level the playing field for you and help you see that the grass isn’t always greener! </li>
</ol>
</div>
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JanHunsakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15091794687144885749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6939682088832127408.post-68322820164393038652020-04-08T13:41:00.000-06:002020-04-08T13:42:23.246-06:00Part 2 - Four Groups of Waiters and Chapter 4 - The Singles<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-large;"><i>Part 2 - Four Groups of Waiters</i></span></b><br /></div>
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I called this book “Ladies in Waiting,” because when I started writing it, that’s what I was. But after 482 revisions of the book since then (might be an exaggeration) and 20 years of life experiences, I am part of, or closely associated with, 4 groups of “waiters:”<br /></div>
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<li>The single or divorced LDS sister or brothers waiting for a companion to feel the fullness of the gospel’s fellowship</li>
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<li>Infertile couples waiting to fulfill their desire for children who also feel they live on the fringe of the gospel’s fellowship sometimes</li>
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<li>Those valiant saints waiting for further light and knowledge</li>
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<li>Those waiting for Jesus Christ to return to be reunited with loved ones that have passed or to receive the promised blessings that they were not granted in mortality should they live a faithful life. </li>
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<br />The first group is a comfort zone for me. I was single in my 40’s. I was “kicked out” of my Young Single Adult Ward at 31, as we are, and it was painful. I had many friends there and I cried for weeks. For another decade I floated around fighting loneliness and bitterness but still holding on to the gospel principals with a few fingers. <br /><br />The second group is the group I belonged to for 10 years right after I got married. I’m not going to lie, I still feel “fringy” in church and at church activities. I’m human. I’m getting better and slowly giving up the barrels of bitterness I had amassed over that decade. I’m banking on President Uchtdorf’s promise: “Patience is a godly attribute that can heal souls, unlock treasures of knowledge and understanding, and transform ordinary men and women into saints and angels.” I’m waiting for my transformation now! Oh, wait...wait. I realize now how impatient that sounds. Nevertheless, what a promise, right?!<br /><br />The third bunch of waiters are people I work with every day and people, like me, that need more answers to feel at one with the fellowship of the gospel. This group is a vast array of children of God that have been given the politically correct acronym “LGBTQ.” Out and proud, or not out, they are waiting for further light and knowledge just as I am. I pray for it every day. I wait with them in support of their unique challenge as members of the church. Not a school year goes by that I don’t deal with the emotional terror that these valiant teenagers go through right in front of me. We tell them over and over again that “We must learn that in the Lord’s plan, our understanding comes “line upon line, precept upon precept.” We tell them that knowledge and understanding come at the price of patience. But we can do a better job of fellowshipping this group of waiters while they...wait. <br /><br />The final group is a kind of “cheat.” I grouped the majority of us together here. I know that we all endure the long-suffering of death and the agony of being separated from people we love. My husband and I lost a child. It feels...well it feels like we’re standing on one side of the Grand Canyon and he is on the other side. It’s a horrible state of being. But we know he’s there at least. His name is Noah. He died 12 hours after his birth. I believe that he is waiting for his dad and me on the other side of the mortal veil. As a human he never had a chance to make a single decision on his own, consequently, we wait for each other. My feelings are wretched - but I have no idea how he feels. I’m waiting for further light and knowledge here too.<br /><br />I also want to include those of us that feel a lack of blessings that are rightfully “owed” to us in this group. It might seem like those blessings are not in our future. At least, not in this life. Don’t worry, I hate that promise as much as you do. We’ll talk about that too! For some, that might be the blessings of going to a temple or the blessings of having a body or mind that works in traditional ways. I once worked with a seventh-grader that had no control over his Tourettes Syndrome in class. We learned, as a class, not to be bothered by it one bit. But during his outbursts, he knew what was happening and the shame on his face was more than I could bear sometimes. One day he told me all he ever wanted was to “be normal.” Gah! What’s normal? <br /><br />I’m a waiter. Of course, I belong to (or have at some time belonged to or had direct fellowship with) ALL four of these groups! <br /><br />Waiting might be the hardest thing for me. The other day I went to the bank and there were cars in every single drive-thru bay. I have severe “bank anxiety.” I want to be in and outta there as fast as I can. I wished I knew who had been there the longest so that I could pull up behind them. I made a guess. <br /><br />I was wrong. <br /><br />The woman in the car in front of me had A LOT of questions for the teller. Other cars were moving forward. Other lanes emptied and then someone pulled in behind me. I could not move to another lane. I watched the window and arm in the car in front of me. I watched the little money container get sucked up into the bank three times while I was waiting. I was just close enough to hear the driver say, the last time, “Oh! I stole your pen!” She opened the container again and put the pen back just before I exploded into a cloud of ash. <br /><br />BAH!!! Just kidding. I banged my hands on the steering wheel at my stupidity. WHY DID I CHOOSE THIS LANE? Because when we are at Disneyland we always stay to the right because we think the right lines move faster - Choose the Right! - we always say - even at Disneyland - ridiculous! Oooooh! I was so bugged. <br /><br />Thinking back - there was no way for me to know who had been there longer. I chose to elevate my anger at something I had absolutely no control over. My heart rate had gone up, I was biting my lip. Someone should have poured a glass of water on me to calm me down. <br /><br />I’m not going to be talking about that kind of waiting in this book. Ha! <br /><br /><b><span style="font-size: x-large;"><i>A Few Questions Before We Forge On...</i></span></b><br /><br />Which group(s) are you in? <br /><br /><br /><br />What are the stereotypes of that group? <br /><br /><br /><br />In what ways do you defy the stereotypes? <br /><br /><br /><br />In what ways do you define the stereotypes? <br /><br /><br /><br />Give yourself an award: You are the best ________________ in the group you are in. <br /><br /><br /><br />What is the award and why do you deserve it?<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-large;"><b><i>CHAPTER 4: Group One - The Single Latter-day Saint vs. Companionship</i></b></span><br /><br /><i> Being single doesn’t mean you’re weak - it means you are strong enough to wait for what you deserve.</i><br /> <i>Anonymous</i><br /><br /><br /> There are several dozen monarchies, domains and empires around the world that recognize women who stand confidently, but silently, behind their Matriarch in power as an essential part of the royal household. They are called “Ladies in Waiting.” Despite the vast differences in the cultures of these countries, from England to Cambodia, they all seem to agree that if you sequester a Queen in a castle, she will need companions. These consorts weren’t slaves, they were a kind of…book club if you will. Rook partners. A wailing wall. Someone that knew the Queen so well, that this woman or group of women, could order dinner for their monarch, buy her clothing for her, even deliver her children if needed. <br /><br />Ladies in Waiting weren’t expected to perform every day, menial tasks; there were assistants for drawing a bath, dressing their leader, providing conversation in the needlework circle. These influential women came from noble backgrounds themselves. They learned to dance, play instruments and even read. Sometimes they became mistresses to the King and consequently bore his children. They waited for their Queen to die (in childbearing or losing their heads to trumped-up treason, whatever the case) and then they themselves would move…up. They were/are politically powerful and intelligent social climbers. <br /><br />One of the derivatives we Yanks got from all that royal ritual was the longstanding tradition of the “bridesmaid” and “maid of honor.” The tie-in is where the Queen decided what fabric and furs her ladies in waiting could wear in court. So I guess that stuck. I have pictures of myself in wedding lines wearing blue and purple gingham, peach organza (shaped like a peach), purple and red floral print (on the same dress) and other creations drummed up by some Queen…er….bride. Eventually, I started hiding in the kitchen with the wedding cake. That was my ticket out of the line! But soon enough it was also my ticket in to every wedding I went to from 1983 to 2017. <br /><br /> You’re invited to my wedding…please bring the cake. <br /><br />I had gone from social-climbing Maid of Honor to the girl in the back covered in powdered sugar. Still, a trade up in my book. But nobody dances with the girl in the sticky apron.<br /><br />I remember the minute when my obsession with having a husband started. My dad built us a playhouse out in one end of a shed behind our house. It was in the mid-1970s. That cinder block shed was musty and smelled of rotting paint cans and lawnmower blades. The playhouse had a little dutch door that actually locked. The door was perfect for playing “house” and "restaurant" and the lock was for my brother. I imagine that the entire space was only about 10 feet by 10 feet, but at the time, it seemed so big. It had two little beds, a table, two chairs, and an Easy-bake oven. It had a little bookshelf and a nearby rocking chair. My mom hung wallpaper and made matching curtains and bedspreads for it. My sister and I spent hours and days playing in there. In addition to feeding, changing and burping our dolls non-stop, we would make cakes, can fruit (rocks) in mason jars and sweep incessantly. I remember, with an embarrassing smile, that we would also dialogue all day long to imaginary husbands named "Donny and Jimmy" (Osmond). We mimicked the life of our mom (except her husband’s name was Joe). We knew, without question, that we would be doing all those things "for real" someday.<br /><br />Then in 1981, I watched Princess Diana and Prince Charles get married at 2 o’clock in the morning, our time. My sister and I stayed up to witness the event. What teenage girl didn’t dream of that scenario every day after that? That night, we talked about all things wedding. I would have a carriage for sure. Horse-drawn. I would have a 50-foot train. I would have white roses…no, red…no purple. I remember stealing computer paper from the roll (does that date me much?) and designing the dress I would be married in. I hated Diana’s dress. I wanted bling not bows. <br /><br />I was 15 at the time. I didn’t know I would wait 26 more years and be a bridesmaid a dozen times before I would pick out my own wedding dress. (Bling, not bows, by the way.)<br /><br />I belonged to the singles group from about 1983 to 2006. Of all the waiting groups - this one was the most painful, the most terrifying. I know who you are. You are single, maybe never married, maybe divorced, but you are alone. You are either supporting yourself or your children. <br /><br />I have no right really to group you together. Divorce is horrible and I have no understanding of the depth of sorrow you have gone through. I have many divorced friends. My best friend would say “You have to be an amazing husband to be better than no husband at all.” She speaks from experience. She is the living, breathing example of someone that has learned patience the hard way. For all my mortal brothers that are reading this, I would update that and say “You’d better be an amazing spouse to be better than no spouse at all.” <br /><br />I see the “Ladies in Waiting” everywhere. Single women (and men), married women that yearn for a temple sealing, worthy saints in countries where there is no temple, faithful gay women and men, women that are not able to have children...anyone that feels that promised blessings are being withheld despite their best efforts to stay worthy of those blessings. What we feel is real. Our perceptions are real. Our loss, our emptiness, our yearnings are so real they are dangerous. <br /><br />The ache would not exist if we didn’t need those blessings to feel valuable. The ache would not exist if we didn’t know how absolutely vital it is for us to partake in the ordinances that will eventually bring us back to God’s presence and give us the eternity we have been promised if we live worthily of it. So to be worthy, we are active in our wards. We are surrounded by the “married with children.” We are asked to serve in the primary, or teach a lesson about the family or bear witness that God is just and fair. <br /><br />And it doesn’t feel just or fair.<br /><br />My friend Angie says, “single feels like an endless walk through a fancy hotel. You have everything you need but you don’t want any of it. You want someone to walk with you, to hold your hand as you put one foot in front of the other.” <br /><br />Back in 1991, when I started writing down my feelings, I was working as an English teacher in a Japanese high school, living by myself, and fulfilling my dream of being the little single LDS woman that could. The book started out in the self-help genre. It was supposed to be about being an empowered single woman in the LDS church. It was supposed to be about feminism and Christianity. It was supposed to make me feel better about my life. It was an ode to all the single independent women out there that were building careers instead of families. It was supposed to wrap its arms around this growing community and say “you go, girl! You don’t need a man to complete you! You are the whole package! You can still have a testimony and sit in church by yourself and feel the spirit of God’s love for you. Your testimony will get you through all those lonely nights. Your knowledge of Jesus Christ as your personal Savior will save you from the drowning tide of loneliness. It will get you through your cravings to be held, to be loved, to be a mother…”<br /><br />Well, this is…a lie. <br /><br />When the Apostle Paul wrote the epistle to the Philippians he was in prison. He tells the people that he prays for them. He tells them that Christ prays for them. He tells them to seek after good things and that they can do all things through Christ…” But for me, the stellar advice from this incredible apostle is in Philippians 4:11. He writes, “...I have learned in whatsoever state I am in, to be content.” <br /><br />My knowledge of God the Father and His Son Jesus Christ helps me in a thousand ways, but it has never taken away my need to connect to a companion in a spiritual, emotional, or even sexual way. Those needs are God-given and God won’t take them away. He created them. Thus is the conflict of every Shakespeare play, every country-western song or Richard Paul Evans novel, love: where do we get it, can we get more of it and how do we keep it alive? It’s the most powerful drug on the planet. <br /><br />This reminds me of high school psychology class when our teacher explained to us man’s basic needs. Probably quoting from Maslow at the time, he first included physiological needs such as air, water, food and safety. Then he moved to psychological needs like belonging to a group and feeling like you contribute to the group - you matter. Finally - Maslow would call it self-actualization. Think of it as creating a variety of opportunities to reach your full potential based on your knowledge of who you are in the group. <br /><br />We need a tribe, even if it’s only one other person. We need companionship. We need to feel needed.<br /><br />Recently I read an article entitled “Being Single: When You’re No One’s Number One by Shanni Silver. She writes:<br /><br />“...who’s your In Case Of Emergency person? Mine is my mom. She lives 1800 MILES AWAY. And yes, I could list a friend, but I don’t like how that makes me feel. Have you ever really been in an “emergency?” It’s terrifying, and I don’t like assigning that potential imposition to a friend.<br /><br />And I’m a lucky one, I have my mom. Not everyone does. But at a certain point in life, I developed a need to be number one to someone other than a parent. . . I have in me the desire to matter most to someone, to be the first phone call, the first person they think of. I’m 36 years old and I don’t think I’m wrong to want that.”<br /><br />Nope! You aren’t wrong. We are not meant to be alone! If your innate desire for companionship isn’t proof enough scientists assert that we humans must live together in groups. Our human childhood is too long, we lack enough fur to protect us, we don’t have claws and we can’t run fast enough to survive for very long by ourselves. Emotionally and biologically we are meant to survive in groups. <br /><br />So the feeling of being alone, Shani continues:<br /><br />“...is a feeling of being untethered. Of “wearing a coat with no back or sitting on a barstool that feels wobbly and about to break...Being no one’s number one can feel really bad. Not mattering most or more than anyone else to someone can be a very empty feeling, and it’s okay to tell the truth about that.”<br /><br />Oh please, let’s tell the truth! When I was an older single Latter-day Saint, I felt socially rejected by my family, my friends, and my church. I was in the worst health both physically and mentally except that I didn’t know that at the time. I just thought feeling terrible was normal. <br /><br />In my research, I ran across an article by C. Nathan Newell at the University of Kentucky. It is about the effects of social rejection on our emotional, cognitive, behavioral, and biological responses. Basically, he reviews compelling, even horrifying evidence as to how the human body responds and copes with social rejection. The article highlights, over and over again how central acceptance is to our lives and that acceptance’ evil twin, rejection, is bad for your physical and mental health. He proves convincingly that people live an average of 12 years longer if they are married but what startled me was Dr. Newell’s assertion that we navigate the world constantly worried about being socially rejected. <br /><br />I see this every day in my classroom. Maybe I see it every single class period? S.c.a.r.y. And it’s not just a problem for the person suffering from it - it’s a worldwide problem. He points out, horrifically, that people often lash out violently against the world for excluding them. Cases in point: after analyzing 15 recent school shootings, they found that all but two had been socially rejected. ALL but two! We have mandated bi-annual lockdown drills in our schools now. Those few minutes, locked and huddled together in one of my dressing rooms with 30+ high school students is, hands down, the scariest thing I do as a teacher, and so far it’s only been a drill. <br /><br />I digress. Whew!<br /><br />Love is an absolute necessity in life. Love heals. I don’t think you would be reading this book if you didn’t believe it. <br /><br />Here’s the really big idea: God did not intend for us to be alone.<br /><br />Okay. It’s not a really big idea, nor is it even new or innovative in any way. But I believe that the union of two people actually saves those two people, or at least we know it increases their life expectancy.<br /><br />This isn’t just about women either. My friend Justin (thank you Justin!) says:<br /><br />“... there is an increasing number of [men] in the church who are single well into their 30’s. Pretty much everything you said about your own experience of the loneliness, longing for companionship, planning for the future, and even talking to yourself applies to us too. We also don’t want to be single any longer than necessary, let alone abstain from sex. The last time one of my single friends flew Virgin Atlantic airlines and said “I’m a virgin flying over the Atlantic on Virgin Atlantic,” I thought it was funny. But when I had to do it two weeks ago, I realized the joke wasn’t funny anymore. I’m over being single!”<br /><br />Justin is half of a set of twins that I adore. I watched them grow up. We were in a few plays together and he is in his 40’s now - still single, still waiting. His perspective is so valuable to me. He has had a couple of chances to marry but it was not to be. He is actively engaged in the search and when I posted a “poor pity me” blog a few years ago, he commented back that I should include the brethren of the church that for reasons beyond human comprehension, were also still waiting, still pursuing happiness in an eternal companionship. <br /><br />Culturally, I can see the shift in our mindset here. The problem is, it has been, and usually still is, the responsibility of the male of the species to “call upon” the female. I’m not saying this is right - I’m only saying what I see people! Men have initiated the American relationship (and throughout most cultures in the world) and when things aren’t initiated, they don’t happen. I know it isn’t completely true anymore, but it’s there. I can tell you that my extensive and profound research includes the fact that high school dances are still labeled “girls choice” and “boys choice” because if you didn’t label it, the kids wouldn’t go. Ha! Now that’s some deep research. But seriously, I see the bravest kids ignoring the labels and it makes me happy because I was terrorized by that quote. You know the one:<br /><br />“You young women advancing in years who have not yet accepted a proposal of marriage, if you make yourselves worthy and ready to go to the house of the Lord and have faith in this sacred principle of celestial marriage for eternity, even though the privilege of marriage does not come to you now in mortality, the Lord will reward you in due time and no blessing will be denied you. You are under no obligation to accept a proposal from someone unworthy of you for fear you will fail of your blessings. Likewise, you young men who may lose your life in early life by accident, or fatal illness, or in the terrible conflict of war (in my case this would have been the Stripling Warriors!) before you have had the opportunity for marriage, the Lord knows the intent of your hearts, and in His own due time He will reward you…”<br /><br />In DUE TIME. I just HATE THAT. I mean, I know it to be true and it gives me hope, but it doesn’t take away the heaviness of your heart or give you someone to go to the movies with on Friday night. Okay, in fact, I’ll own it - I hate this famous quote altogether. Spoken by a prophet, it does give us one salient fact: God will give us, every single one of us, a chance to have a companion. I just wish everyone would stop throwing that quote in our faces - though, right? <br /><br />The fact is we have to keep searching for companionship. It’s the human condition. It’s God’s plan of happiness. <br /><br />H.O.W.E.V.E.R DOT. DOT. DOT. You will be tempted to think that your joy depends on your finding a spouse. But it doesn’t. GAH! It doesn’t. It might make us feel more productive. It might make us feel contented and fulfilled. But JOY is in a thousand places and can be created a thousand ways. I know you know them all. I’m not going to give you a list of things you can do to go out and find joy - that would be insulting. But I am going to say - remember that *!@* promise. Blessings DO NOT have expiration dates. The longer you wait for them the sweeter they are. <br /><br />My last thought is this...Give God time to work on your specific needs for a spouse. My husband is 14 years younger than I am. I was not his teacher - don’t worry. But I was his friend. (You’ll read the down and dirty later. Ha!) But I was not looking at him as eternal companion material because he was so much younger. Then time passed and the stigma fell away. By the time we got engaged, we had been friends for so long everyone said,“well, it’s about time!” We are so well suited for each other that it scares me sometimes. We aren’t rich, we haven’t been blessed with children, we both have crazy busy jobs, but we aren’t doing it alone. We both waited for someone that was emotionally and spiritually available at the risk of being alone in this life. WOW - Heavenly Father is the KING of the matchmakers. Just be available when HE needs you to be. Don’t risk anything less. <br /><br />Justin - continue to rock your priesthood. There are women who need you. It will happen for you...in DUE TIME. OUCH! But yeah...it’s true. We’ve coined our own cliche and it is born out of truth as usual. You know it to be true. Come to dinner at my house on Friday night. See you there!<br /><br /><br /><b><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">Chapter 4 - The Singles Recipes - DON’T WAIT FOR “THE” CAKE</span></i></b><br /><br />Ironically I have built over a hundred wedding cakes in my lifetime. Here it is. The secret is out. I don’t mean to make those of you that have said “that is the best cake I’ve ever tasted” sound pranked, but for 20 years I’ve started with a cake mix - just whatever is on sale. Don’t be afraid to make big cakes! MAKE YOUR OWN!<br /><b><span style="font-size: large;"><br />THE Wedding Cake Recipe</span></b><br />1 cake mix<br />4 large eggs<br />¼ cup oil <br />½ cup full-fat sour cream<br />1 cup whole milk<br />2 T cornstarch<br />1 small package of sugar-free instant pudding mix<br />1 tsp additional flavoring of your choice (I also add more vanilla if the cake is vanilla or more cocoa if the cake is chocolate)<br /><br />Combine all. Mix on medium speed in a Kitchen-Aid or Bosch or whatever for TWO MINUTES. Spray 2 8” round pans with whatever non-stick spray you have then line the pan with an 8” round of parchment paper and then spray AGAIN. If you don’t do this step, you will be so sorry. Pour ½ mixture into each pan. <br /><br />HINT: Want to make sure it doesn’t rise too much and gives you a denser, more moist texture? Bake it seven to ten minutes longer at 325 degrees instead of 350. <br /><br /><b>Type of Cake </b><br /><br />Add-ins to make it wedding cake worthy:<br /><br /><br /><b>White Vanilla</b> <br />Follow directions above and then add a couple more teaspoons of real vanilla<br /><br /><br />
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<b>Chocolate </b><br />Follow directions above and then add another tablespoon (or two!) of good cocoa, chocolate chips or nuts</div>
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<br /><b>Lemon </b><br />Follow directions above and then add the juice and the grated rind of one whole lemon.<br /><br /><br /><b>Raspberry Lemonade </b><br />Use the Lemon recipe and then add a packet of Raspberry Crystal Light drink mix or dehydrated raspberries.<br /><br /><br /><b>Carrot Cake </b><br />Follow directions above and then add two cups of shredded carrots and a 15oz can of pineapple tidbits (and nuts! LOADS OF NUTS). You will have to bake this 10 - 20 minutes longer depending on the depth of your batter.<br /><br /><b><br />Applesauce Cake </b><br />Follow directions above and then add 1 cup of applesauce (and nuts of course! Everything is better with nuts!)<br /><br /><br /><b>Confetti Cake </b><br />Follow directions above for the Vanilla cake but before you put the water in, stir in half a cup of multi-colored sprinkles. Going for a color scheme? Only use those color sprinkles. <br /><br /><br /><b><span style="font-size: large;"><i>Jan’s Buttercream Frosting for Decorating Cakes</i></span></b><br /><br /><br />PLEASE! Don’t buy the canned frosting! It’s so terrible. Here’s a buttercream you can make in 5 minutes. It’s not expensive to make!<br /><br />1 bag of powdered sugar (the 2 lb bag)<br />1 pound of real margarine (At room temp. The kind that actually says 80% vegetable oil - anything less than 80 has too much water in it and you won’t be able to decorate with it because it won’t hold a shape. DON’T TEST THIS. THIS IS REAL.)<br />1 tablespoon of good vanilla<br />1 1/2 teaspoons of salt<br />1 T of Wilton’s imitation butter flavoring (I know! But you will thank me.)<br />About 1/4 cup to 1/3 water (depending on how hot the day is)<br /><br />Mix all of the ingredients together for about 2 minutes in a stand mixer (just until they turn a light cream color.) Overmixing will cause too many bubbles and/or separation. You can add colors and flavors when you are done, or just get a spoon…<br /><br />If the frosting is too weak to hold a shape, put it in the refrigerator for an hour or so to let the butter set up again. <br /><br /><b><span style="font-size: x-large;"><i>Homework Assignments for Chapter 4:</i></span></b><br /></div>
<ol>
<li>Make and decorate two cakes. Take one to someone and eat the other one entirely by yourself. Homework has no calories. You can do it.</li>
<li>Write down your feelings about wedding traditions.</li>
<li>If you can create wedding traditions for yourself at any time why do they matter so much?</li>
<li>which of those reasons in question 3 don't really matter in an eternal perspective?</li>
<li>Stop waiting for the wedding traditions to happen! Make them happen right now.</li>
<li>Do you still sleep in a twin bed? If you answered yes to this question, stop reading right now and go out and buy yourself a queen-sized bed. Get great sheets. Sleep in the middle.</li>
<li>Do you still have your college dishes? Stop reading right now and go out and buy yourself the dishes you have always wanted to have. Don't get too many. More than a few makes them feel useless and empty.</li>
<li>Never been out of the country? Stop reading right now and get yourself a passport. Take yourself on a honeymoon.</li>
<li>Buy yourself a ring. Invest sentimental value in this ring as a symbol of your love for yourself. </li>
</ol>
JanHunsakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15091794687144885749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6939682088832127408.post-6143333346404049962020-04-06T13:12:00.002-06:002020-04-06T13:22:52.600-06:00Adjusting Our Grip: Waiting for Happy<br /><br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-large;"><i>Chapter 3 – Waiting for Happy </i></span><br /><br /><br /><i>So far as I am personally concerned, I am here as a candidate for eternity, for heaven and for happiness. I want to secure, by my acts, a peace in another world that will impart that happiness and bliss for which I am seeking</i>.<br /> John Taylor<br /><br />Andy and I were coming home from a trip to Nauvoo a few years ago, we stopped to buy souvenirs for family. I noticed some jars of locally produced honey and honey butter with the byline “Happiness in a Bottle.” I imagined that to be true. Don’t you just love honey butter? Seriously! I bought a jar, alright, maybe six or seven. It was sooooooo good. (I didn’t give any of it away, not a jar.) In my guilt, (and obsession) I tried to order it online but the company no longer exists. So I pursue the perfect honey butter still to this day.<br /><br />If you could bottle happiness and sell it (and believe me, people do) what would it look like for you?<br /><br />My bottle would be filled with that honey butter but since it can’t be, I’d put in sugar, flour and butter and a great Bollywood movie.<br /><br />Aside from my family, which is a given (and includes two dogs), my two favorite things in the world are desserts and stories/storytelling. Consequently, I find true happiness in not disguising it - 100 percent of us are searching for lasting happiness. The pursuit of happiness is positively primeval and madly modern. <br /><br />I like being happy. Creativity, productivity and a good challenge make me the happiest. For me, those things are all embodied in what I do for a living. Lucky me! I have directed plays for 30 years and I have cried with joy at the curtain call of an opening night when just 24 hours before I wondered if we were going to make it on stage at all. Thinking back, maybe I cried in response to relief and not happiness at all. Ha! <br /><br />Here’s what troubles me - It seems that if I give certain of my students a good challenge, thinking that it will make them happy like it does me, it just makes them melt into a nasty puddle that smells like surrender. I hate that smell. Or if I have an expectation that creating and eating something that is terribly bad for me while watching a new episode of my favorite television sitcom. It’s fleeting happiness, but nevertheless, I do feel it. <br /><br />I always think the young women I work with at church are going to love something creative to do, like plant a flower garden, but several of them just want to play in the hose instead. I should be okay with that instead of turning the hose on them. Their happiness is not my happiness. Their honey butter is not my honey butter. So can we really define happiness for anyone but ourselves?<br /><br />I’m going to try to gather a general idea anyway and say that happiness is more than contentment and less than joy. For me, it’s a state of well-being combined with sincere satisfaction with life. It’s no wonder everyone in the world is looking for it but we all have our own version of it, don’t we? <br /><br />Recently it was asserted by a Relief Society teacher that true happiness and joy can only be felt if we are living the commandments of God. It made me wonder what true joy is and why I’m not happier. I try really hard to live the commandments. I love all the people around me and I truly love and need God in my life. So...why is happiness so elusive? <br /><br />Is happiness a commodity to be met and measured? Can it really be defined? This dear sister lamented that her adult son was making her miserable because of the decisions he was making. He hadn’t been active in the church for years. From her perspective, he was not teaching her grandchildren to follow a “covenant path.” In fact, she nodded her head back and forth in disgust, he had taken his wife and children on his only weekend off, out to the lake camping when they “should be in church.” In my mind, I thought, “I would give anything to have kids to take camping.” My happiness - not her happiness I guess. <br /><br />I planned an anonymous letter to this sister to tell her that her son was never going to make her happy if she was requiring him to provide it. Maybe he had been offended, maybe his children needed him, maybe coming to church would cause him to crawl up into the fetal position in fear. I don’t know! Whatever it was, his decision to take his kids camping made him happy and that made his decision easy. We search for and do things that make us happy. Everyone does. Too bad his actions were making her miserable. Of course, I didn’t say any of those things, instead, I just raised my hand and said “Happiness is different for different people, I guess,” as vaguely as I could so as not to offend anyone. It still shut the room down cold. I wished I was the one out camping right then. <br /><br />Ohhh, I LOVE camping. I love browsing the sporting goods stores looking for cool camping gadgets. I like to set up a tent. I like looking for firewood and roasting a marshmallow until its outside skin cannot defy gravity and must take the long slow stretch into my mouth. I own four Dutch ovens in various sizes, a stand-up camp stove, king-sized camp chairs with little attached tables, a hammock, five coolers (there are two of us!)…I take pictures of nature with no people in them and then I oooh and ahhhh over those pictures years later. Nature gives me its rest, which in turn gives me strength - a feeling of well-being. Consequently, everything about camping makes me happy! On the contrary – I have a brother-in-law that would rather eat dirt than camp. Everything about camping makes him feel “homeless and hairy.” Nature to him is a thing to be conquered not enjoyed. <br /><br />I also love gardening. I feel joy when I can pull a weed, root and all! I get giddy when I survey a garden full of living green stuff. I rejoice when I lift a jar full of tomatoes from the pressure canner knowing that I will eat well in January! On the contrary, my husband rolls his eyes when I ask him to help weed. It’s torture to him. Sheer torture. (Though a warm bowl of tomato soup in the middle on the winter with a sourdough grilled cheese sandwich does, in fact, bring him joy – I have seen the dipping and heard the squealing of joy. You’re welcome.) <br /><br />There are people that find joy in searching for new clothes – I’d rather die. “Retail therapy,” I think is what they call it. I call it torture. For me, the time spent searching for the right dress or pair of shoes is time lost. The biggest factor in my search for happiness is lost time. I have a genuine fear of wasting time. I have to call every event I do something important or I won’t do it. <br /><br />Take “self-care” for example. I think this is the trendy new vernacular for taking time to do things for yourself, things that benefit YOU. Self-care, for example, includes spending your precious resources (time, money, etc…) on your physical person. I think. My small perception of self-care includes getting my nails done (how would I garden?), getting a massage (I would have to shave e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g first – what a pain), retail therapy (see the paragraph above), going to the gym (I have stairs in my house), taking a bath instead of a shower (I actually redesigned our bathroom to have the jetted-tub taken out – truth.) So until I change my perception of self-care - watching an old episode of Downton Abbey with one dachshund (Gus) tucked in on my left and the other (Lily) on my right is my version of self-care. I have felt great surges of joy during these moments even though there might be twelve things that need to be done, even 1200. When I make my world still for a minute, even with the rumble of laundry going on in the background, there are surges of true joy. <br /><br />And that might be the key: a surge of happy. <br /><br />When I was in my early 20’s my perception of the people around me that “had it all” included constant, contented happiness. And they all lived happily EVER after. All the time. 24/7 after. Sure there was the time Cinderella went through natural labor, and the time the Prince got food poisoning from eating the shrimp appetizer that was left out too long, but they were h.a.p.p.p.p.p.y. always. They had it all. <br /><br />I had been taught that the gold standard of “all” included a temple-worthy, temple-attending spouse, and happy, well-educated, church-attending children. So, I surmised that the opposite was also true – you could not have full happiness without those things. So why bother? Sounds like a horrible risk! Because my perception was that if I lived the commandments and stayed worthy of the gold standard life, that's what I would get in return. <br /><br />I went in search of happiness and joy early in my life. I would hear lessons in church about it – “Men are that they might have JOY”and then a lesson about what joy IS – an actual definition of JOY, a goal that included making righteous choices down a long, straight and narrow path which included the “Great Plan of Happiness.” I was also told that the absolute pinnacle of all happiness was finding an incredible husband and being a mother. “My husband completes me,” “Children are everything,” “I never knew what love was until I became a mother,” gushed everyone - all the time - always. I heard it last week. Call it brainwashing, call it whatever you want, but it was in my immediate ear-shot all the time. It became my perception, my truth. <br /><br />Of course, the path is universal to the membership (and, truthfully to everyone on earth - but that’s not important right now) and included obedience to the laws and ordinances of the gospel. I was taught, that without obedience there is no joy (in my feeble mind ie..husband and children). I was taught that if I walked this narrow path and fulfilled the covenants (my mind = found a husband and had children) that were in place before me, I might have joy. I MIGHT be happy always. Eventually. I MIGHT have joy. That’s the old debater in me. Might isn’t a guarantee. There were things I needed to do before the joy (find a husband and have children.) It wasn’t going to be handed to me. <br /><br />So as the years of acceptable covenant-making approached, I made those promises in full expectation that I was on the path to happiness and joy. Eventually. I was happily baptized at eight years old. I happily searched for the Holy Ghost in my life. I happily took the steps to receive and make my first covenants in the holy temple to prepare for a mission. I happily served that mission and happily obeyed the mission rules in expectation that when I returned I would be able to find a mate, fill a dinner table with children and FINALLY be happy, find ultimate joy, for t.i.m.e. a.n.d. a.l.l. e.t.e.r.n.i.t.y. with that family.<br /><br />I looked around me. It was taking my friends between 21 to 25 years to accomplish all that. It looked so easy. <br /><br />HA!<br /><br />In between the surges of all that happy are years of supplementing my search as I created my specific path using my God-given gifts and my God-given agency. I never felt truly gifted and I did use my agency in darkness and impatience at times. I had my LDS moment of Amish Rumspringa. That set me back. I knew it. I had been taught that it would. It did. But when I did use my agency to make creative non-gospel driven choices, it didn’t make me happy and the darkness I felt could be easily identified because of the lack of happy that existed in it.<br /><br />I don’t recommend it, but for me, going off the narrow path helped me comprehend the path so clearly. I perceived the light around my friends, I basked in their light but provided none of my own; I was choking on my own darkness. I didn’t see it then, but in retrospect, I see it now. My spirit’s progress as a human had slowed to a crawl. In my early 20s, I really had to get my “poop in a group” as my dad would say. <br /><br />So I did. But since no two of us have the same gifts, environment or DNA, no two paths are going to be alike. Then there is that thing about “I’ll go where you want me to go, dear Lord, I’ll do what you need me to do... stuff. That. That slows a girl like me, with my bedrock LDS upbringing and training, down. So far down. I always wanted to run down the path toward my joy! I wanted to collect as much of it as I could – all of it – all the happiness to be had! I’m very competitive. But when you are also trying to do what your God wants you to do – and faithfully, on His time – there is the waiting. I. j.u.s.t. h.a.t.e. t.h.a.t. I couldn’t just go out and buy happiness, I had to do it in God’s time and on his covenant path. Otherwise - two steps forward and a thousand back. <br /><br />I find no happiness in waiting around. For anything. So it’s in those human moments that we foolishly call waiting that I have experienced my darkest darks. It’s that in-between time – in between the surges of joy and happiness that the darkness swallows me sometimes. Consequently, I have learned two great things 1) I do not wait for anything that I can initiate myself and 2) I must give everything and everyone the patience that God gives me. <br /><br />God has to have patience with us because he has given all of us the opportunity to make choices that take us far, far away from Him - some of you will watch others take those opportunities and be smart enough to learn life’s lessons vicariously through those of us that recklessly, enthusiastically took those opportunities. Mercifully, it is through the Atonement of Jesus Christ that every single one of us will live eternally. And that, my friends, is a long, long time to live, and yet, for some of us, living until tomorrow might be a long, long time to live. I had that time too. I had to stop waiting for my joy to arrive and rescue me. When that happened, and I will talk about that extensively in the book, my day became a week, my week a decade and my decade became a book. <br /><br />Now go back and notice that I said MY joy. Remember my joy isn’t your joy. What I am waiting for might not be what you are waiting for. What makes your heart swell with happiness might make me shrink with fear. I know that now. I truly did ache for the righteous husband, two to eight children, the loaded dinner table, science projects and the lot. <br /><br />That’s not what happened. <br /><br />Here’s the rub - I do believe that I am doing EXACTLY what I should be doing, even if is isn’t raising my own children. I believe God has put a stamp of approval on what I do with the time He has given me. Because I believe that contentment is the seed of happiness, I am content, fulfilled and pursuing happiness. I also believe the prophet Nephi when he said, “...the righteous, the saints of the Holy One of Israel, they who have endured the <a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/tg/joy?lang=eng#note18c">crosses</a> of the world, and despised the shame of it, they shall <a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/tg/joy?lang=eng#note18d">inherit</a> the <a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/tg/joy?lang=eng#note18e">kingdom</a> of God, which was prepared for them <a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/tg/joy?lang=eng#note18f">from</a> the foundation of the world, and their <a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/tg/joy?lang=eng#note18g">joy</a> shall be full <a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/tg/joy?lang=eng#note18h">forever</a>.”<br /><br />That’s an amazing promise. <br /><br />So I wait...on the Lord.. <br /><br />But even today as I write this – I feel that happiness is off in the distance and joy illusively teases me like a butterfly in the garden hopping from leaf to branch to flower. It’s there, and then it isn’t. You can reach out to grab it and then it flies just out of your reach. But can I live just watching the butterflies? YES! They give me absolute joy. And in the meantime, I will not wait to see what else there is in this garden of life. I will keep moving, keep asking, keep doing, keep growing gardens. I’m definitely going to keep trying out honey butter recipes. That makes me really happy.<br /><br /><b><span style="font-size: x-large;">Chapter 3 Waiting for Happy Recipe</span></b><br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;">Happy Fry Bread<i> (Thanks Upward Bound SUU 1989!)</i></span><br /><br />When I was in college, one of my many jobs was being a counselor to a group of fantastic high school kids from Arizona. They taught me how to make fry bread and I can’t decide if it was a blessing or a curse because you can make it in a few minutes, but then I do. Make it. All the time. Dang it. Gosh, I loved those kids. <br /><br />Now, I know it’s a contradiction to put a sort of “instant bread” recipe in the book right after Patience Bread. But hey - I’m the modern Saint remember. I need bread right now. I need honey butter right now. I need a “Navajo Taco” right now. Here you go: <br /><br />Step 1. Put 1 - 2 inches of cooking oil in a deep frying pan or wok. Turn the heat to medium high. Oil needs to get to 350 degrees and maintain its heat after you drop in a big piece of room temperature dough. So start your oil FIRST - before you do anything else. <br /><br />Then gather into a big bowl:<br /><br />2 cups of flour<br />2 tsp baking powder<br />1 tsp salt<br />1 cup warm water<br /><br />That’s literally it. <br /><br /><br />Mix the dry ingredients together then add the water. The dough will be shaggy. Knead it around with a fork until it comes together in a uniform ball, but not more than that. Overkneading will make it tough. Divide the dough into four to six equal pieces. Roll each piece out onto a floured surface making a ¼” thin disc. Cover with plastic wrap then WALK AWAY for 15 - 20 minutes. Let those babies rest. <br /><br />Meanwhile, your oil should be ready. Check the temperature and make sure you are at 350 - 360 degrees. Fry each disc until they are golden brown on both sides. Drain on paper towel. <br /><br />You can cover these amazing treats in honey butter, jam, powdered sugar or a cinnamon and sugar combo. We also use them to pile on ground beef, cheese, onions, lettuce, beans, olives, guacamole and salsa...I need to go now. <br /><br /><br /><b><span style="font-size: x-large;"><i>Chapter 3 Happy Homework Assignment</i></span></b><br /><br />The Fry Bread recipe makes 4-6 BIG pieces of bread. You are not allowed to eat all of that by yourself. You must call someone to share it with. It doesn’t matter who, but it can’t be delivered or dropped off. You must consume it with someone. <br /><br />Identify FIVE moments in your life when you were absolutely happy. <br /><br /><br />a.<br /><br /><br />b.<br /><br /><br />c.<br /><br /><br />d.<br /><br /><br />e.<br /><br />3. What was the common denominator of those five moments in time? <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />4. If you could bottle pure happiness and sell it, what would be inside that jar, metaphorically? Sell your whole brand! What would it be called?<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />JanHunsakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15091794687144885749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6939682088832127408.post-59643244840630016102020-04-05T19:05:00.000-06:002020-04-05T20:20:59.339-06:00Adjusting My Grip: While I Wait - Chapter 2 - God Will Not be Pushed from Behind<br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "caveat"; font-size: 24.0pt;">Chapter
2 - God Will Not be Pushed from Behind<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“In
your patience possess ye your souls.” <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 13.5pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 6;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Luke 21:19 <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></i></b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I grew up with a dad that worked in
the same job for 30+ years. Because they chose to have my Dad finish his degree
and my mom stay home to raise their seven children, my dad always had about 3
jobs in order to make that work. But he had those jobs for decades. It doesn’t
take science or data to see that paradigm evolving. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">See for a hundred years or more, the
Saints were sequestered in a way, out here in the wide-open Western United
States. It made outsiders nervous. I can see how it would do that. We had
customs and practices that seemed odd and other-worldly to those “on the
outside.” It has taken a long time for us to be mainstreamed into the world. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I like to think of the church as
having four levels of practice: Formal policy and revelation, practiced
procedure, advice and information and finally, good ‘ole common sense. Some of
it comes across the pulpits twice a year at the formal General Conferences or
the weekly Sacrament Meetings. This vital information and/or inspiration is
addressed to the general population of the church from the leadership of the
church, the prophets, seers and revelators. Revelation is God-given. It is rare
and drives faith. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Practiced procedures are important
to a growing, international church to provide unity. The Lord is all about
unity and becoming “as one.” <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="background: white; color: #212225; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The Lord’s prophets have always called for unity. The need
for that gift to be granted to us and the challenge to maintain it will grow
greater in the days ahead, in which we will be prepared as a people for our
glorious destiny.<a href="file:///C:/Users/Jandy/Desktop/Home%20Computer%20Dump/Ladies%20in%20Waiting/Ladies%20in%20Waiting%20-%20The%20Book%20Final%20Draft%207%207.docx#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><sup><span style="background: white; color: #212225; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[1]</span></sup></b><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a></span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Advice and information come from
authorized church publicized media. However, I can see in my lifetime alone,
that the church would rather you get personal advice from God himself through
the Holy Ghost. When I was a pre-teen in the 70’s, I actually read an article
from a church magazine that said "women should do everything they can to
appear attractive to their husbands," and when a woman takes the sacrament
she shouldn’t throw her head back like a man does – it’s “uncomely.” Pretty
sure the Lord had nothing to do with that advice, but I remember as a young
girl wondering what it meant to “throw your head back.” It worried me weekly
until I figured it out. Strange that a little thing like that would matter so
much and stick with me for so long. But as a kid, I abided by any rule that
promised me a pay-off. Apparently, I thought that if you threw your head back
when you took the sacrament you would never get a husband. I still don’t throw
my head back. We would be hard-pressed to find an article like that these days.
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Finally, a very wide and sometimes
abused form of practice in any community or religious group: common sense. This
category changes as rapidly as society changes. In most religions, we are often
conflicted with what is politically acceptable today and what is acceptable by
God. We tend to think that society is further ahead...in a modern way. There is
a constant feeling that God isn’t keeping up with the times. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Latter-Days Saints don’t even want
to be called Mormon anymore. We change too.... it just takes us a little
longer. We're faithfully on God's time. We believe that He is working hard to
answer our prayers, to fill in the blessings that we feel we are “owed” for
righteous living, but even God can’t alter man’s free will. Knowing that has
helped me take a breath through my trials, and apply some of that hard-earned
patience. I’ve learned to wait. I’ve learned to say how blessed I am that I
have the truth of the gospel and how it expands my patience, gives me true
purpose for living and has made the waiting tolerable. Whatever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> It doesn't make it easier, but I've learned to say it. </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I’m waiting for a few things to
happen in my life that I perceive will make me happy but waiting is horrible. I
get utterly depressed when those things don’t happen at the speed in which I
perceive it will take the depression away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In a clichéd nutshell, if my trials and disappointments are not teaching
me something, what's their use? Why live through it? Why go on? Trust creates
endurance. It’s a vicious awful cycle of pain..er..education. I’m a fast
learner! Why does it seem like I have to repeat these lessons over and over?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Oh. Endurance...Enduring to the end…
a virtue above all other virtues.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">And - hope. See, if every prayer we
uttered in our loneliness and impatience was answered the instant we asked,
there would be no need for hope. And I've needed hope in my life. Hope has
gotten me out of bed sometimes. Hope can give us those dreams and expectations.
In hope, we can have anticipation for happiness. We can truly say that “we </span><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/tg/hope?lang=eng#note13f"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; text-decoration: none;">hope</span></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be
able to </span><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/tg/hope?lang=eng#note13g"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; text-decoration: none;">endure</span></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> all things.<a href="file:///C:/Users/Jandy/Desktop/Home%20Computer%20Dump/Ladies%20in%20Waiting/Ladies%20in%20Waiting%20-%20The%20Book%20Final%20Draft%207%207.docx#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[2]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">It’s really tough to endure all
things until we learn to “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">be submissive
and gentle; easy to be entreated; full of patience and long-suffering; being
temperate in all things; being diligent in keeping the commandments of God at
all times.<a href="file:///C:/Users/Jandy/Desktop/Home%20Computer%20Dump/Ladies%20in%20Waiting/Ladies%20in%20Waiting%20-%20The%20Book%20Final%20Draft%207%207.docx#_ftn3" name="_ftnref3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><sup><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[3]</span></sup></b><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a></i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So we continue to hold onto the iron rod and
adjust our grip as we learn those things. Don’t let go, though. Believe me,
don’t let go. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">It all goes back to time. Time is
relative, elusive and human. In fact, as I sit here, I can hear two different
clocks ticking away, reminding me that time is a human invention and what is
that old saying? We are not humans having a spiritual experience, we are
spiritual beings having a human experience. Sounds like something I
cross-stitched for my hope chest when I was in eighth grade. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Another cliché born out of the
truth. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Having true patience is knowing that
time is relative and that I need to relax and can wait without losing hope. I
CAN WAIT. I just don’t want to. It’s painful to see my dreams being fulfilled
by people around me...and not...me. I don’t have to rush myself, give up on my
eternal goals or push someone else (least of all God) to get to the things I
need or want. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Let me be clear: waiting is just
standing around. Waiting <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">with patience</i>
or what we call “waiting on the Lord” is patience by allowing God time to
perform His part too. We trust that by doing all that we can, God will
expand our effort and make it greater
than it could ever be if we attempted to go through this life by ourselves.
However hard we might want to push God from behind, trust that He is working as
fast as He can - hand in hand with US. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">God isn’t just standing around. Can
you look back and see the hand of God working miracles and magic in your life?
It defies explanation to me sometimes - except that I have faith and I know
that it is because of His love for me that He wants me back there, with Him,
again. He is my F.A.T.H.E.R. He’s working hard! But only as hard as human time
and agency will allow. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Today in the LDS church, I believe
we are moving toward a modern sensibility, albeit slowly, and FAR too slowly
for some. The human clock moves at the speed of light today, however, God will
not be pushed from behind. The great Plan of Salvation is what it is. We work
through it individually and as couples. Therein also lies the great heartache
of my life and why I have needed hope, patience, submission and endurance. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">In D. Todd Christofferson’s
conference talk called “Why Marriage, Why Family,” he explains the great and
eternal plan of happiness in a way that helped me understand my commission
toward it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Elder Christofferson iterates a
letter that <span style="color: #212225;">Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a German
theologian,</span> wrote to his niece on her wedding day. He told her:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #212225; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Marriage is more than your love for each
other. … In your love you see only your two selves in the world, but in
marriage you are a link in the chain of the generations, which God causes to
come and to pass away to his glory, and calls into his kingdom. In your love
you see only the heaven of your own happiness, but in marriage you are placed
at a post of responsibility towards the world and mankind. Your love is your
own private possession, but marriage is more than something personal—it is a
status, an office…</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">”<a href="file:///C:/Users/Jandy/Desktop/Home%20Computer%20Dump/Ladies%20in%20Waiting/Ladies%20in%20Waiting%20-%20The%20Book%20Final%20Draft%207%207.docx#_ftn4" name="_ftnref4" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[4]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Prophets have revealed that when we
were first nothing more than intelligences, God looked around and wanted to
give us all an opportunity to advance as He had done. What a great dad! So he
created the great “Plan of Salvation” or “Plan of Happiness” as it is also
called. In order for it to work (everybody who chooses to follow it would have
eternal happiness), He set up the following pattern:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #f4cccc; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">1. He
created a place where a mortal body could live - Earth<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #f4cccc; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">2. <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>We
experience the condition of mortality - tested outside the presence of God<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #f4cccc; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">3. <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>We
are redeemed from our sins by Jesus Christ on the condition of repentance<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="background-color: #f4cccc;">4. We
turn around and provide mortal bodies for other spirits to do the same</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #212225; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">So it is in that
commission that we have, as Latter-day Saints been asked to create families. In
1976, President Kimball, seeing this tide coming, said, “Come home wives, to
your children, born and unborn. Wrap the motherly cloak about you and
(unembarrassed) help in a major role to create the bodies for the immortal
souls who anxiou</span><span style="color: #212225; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 13.5pt;">s</span><span style="color: #212225; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">ly wait.” It seems old-fashioned, doesn’t
it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yet - I understand it easily and
comfortably. I got a body, I have a uterus - I need to pay it forward. But the
world doesn’t always see it like that. The resistance would say that we are
putting women in a corner, and it gets stronger by the day. Even marriage seems
like an old-fashioned, out-dated paradigm today. Still, I have felt the ache to
nurture children all my life. It isn’t something I was brainwashed to do - I
was born with this predilection, this tendency, this propensity. <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #212225; font-size: 12pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">Am I old-fashioned? Ridiculously repressed? Nope. It’s just me. Would I drag women out of the workplace to stay home and raise babies? I’ve been bringing home the bacon for 30 years. So no. But I would sure trade somebody for that life. Ha! The grass is always greener...</span></div>
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<span style="color: #212225; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">So after years and
years of waiting and working, </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">it was on
March 11, 2006 that I knelt across an alter from my best friend, Andy Hunsaker
to be sealed to him “for time and all eternity.” The officiator admonished us,
as they do to all couples, to “finish the work of the Lord by multiplying and
replenishing the Earth.” There was nothing I wanted more than to create my own
tribe at that point and time was running out. But hurdle one? Done!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Silly me. I had already obtained my
bachelor's degree from the university of patience and I didn’t even know it.
Was I ready to do the rest “in God’s time too?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "caveat"; font-size: 18.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-family: "caveat"; font-size: 18.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></i></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "caveat"; font-size: 24.0pt;">Recipe for Chapter 2 <o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "caveat"; font-size: 18.0pt;">Patience<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and
Long-Suffering Bread<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">3 cups of All Purpose Flour<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">1/2 tsp Active Dry Yeast - no more
than that. It can be “fast acting” too if you want. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">1 ½ tsp </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">s</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">alt</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">1 ½ cups hot water<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">Mix dry ingredients together in a
big bowl and add hot water. Dough will be sticky and shaggy. Leave it in the
bowl and seal the bowl off with plastic wrap. Leave the bowl on the counter for
3 - 8 hours. Patience!</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Let’s say that you forgot about it
and left it there for eight hours - who cares! That’s okay. This bread will
have patience for you too. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Once the waiting is over and the
dough has risen to about double in size, turn your oven on to 450 degrees and
pre-heat a 6 quart cast iron dutch oven. Once the oven is ready gently roll the
dough out onto a well-floured surface. DO NOT KNEAD IT. The dough will be
loose, fluffy and bubbly. All you are going to do at this point is gently shape
it into a ball and then place the ball of dough on a piece of 11’ x 18”
parchment paper. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Carefully pull the corners of the
parchment paper up and lift the dough ball down into your pre-heated dutch oven. Seal the
lid on tight. You can let the paper stick out. Bake, covered for 30<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>minutes. Uncover and bake for another 10 - 15
minutes until the top is golden to dark brown. Let it sit out the dutch oven, for about
5 minutes before you cut it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Eat. It. All. With. Butter.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The pay-off is incredible. The best
things come to those who wait. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="mso-element: footnote-list;">
<!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><br clear="all" />
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<!--[endif]-->
<br />
<div id="ftn1" style="mso-element: footnote;">
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<a href="file:///C:/Users/Jandy/Desktop/Home%20Computer%20Dump/Ladies%20in%20Waiting/Ladies%20in%20Waiting%20-%20The%20Book%20Final%20Draft%207%207.docx#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[1]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> Our Hearts
Knit As One,</span></i><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> Henry B. Eyring, Ensign,
November, 2009<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn2" style="mso-element: footnote;">
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<a href="file:///C:/Users/Jandy/Desktop/Home%20Computer%20Dump/Ladies%20in%20Waiting/Ladies%20in%20Waiting%20-%20The%20Book%20Final%20Draft%207%207.docx#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[2]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> Article of Faith #13<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<a href="file:///C:/Users/Jandy/Desktop/Home%20Computer%20Dump/Ladies%20in%20Waiting/Ladies%20in%20Waiting%20-%20The%20Book%20Final%20Draft%207%207.docx#_ftnref3" name="_ftn3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[3]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> Alma 7:23<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I know you're going to think I'm nuts, but read D. Todd Christofferson’s conference
talk (May, 2015) “Why Marriage, Why Children.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br />JanHunsakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15091794687144885749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6939682088832127408.post-64735949484609539302020-04-05T16:23:00.000-06:002020-04-05T19:41:32.770-06:00Ladies in Waiting: Adjusting Our Grip - Table of Contents, Prologue and Chapter 1<br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Ladies in Waiting: Adjusting Our Grip</span></span></i></b></div>
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Copyright Jan Shelton Hunsaker</div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">TABLE OF CONTENTS <o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Part
One - Waiting</span></b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Chapter 1 - A Tradition of the
Unexpected<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Chapter 2 - God Will Not be Pushed
From Behind<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Chapter 3 - Waiting for Happy<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Part
2 - Four Tribes of Waiters</span></b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Chapter 4 - Tribe 1: Waiting for a
Companion<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Chapter 5 - Tribe 2: Waiting for
Children<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Chapter 6 - Tribe 3: Waiting for
Further Light and Knowledge<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Chapter 7 - Tribe 4: Waiting for
Jesus Christ to Come Again<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Part
3 - Satan’s Weapons of Choice<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Chapter 8 -<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Loneliness<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Chapter 9 - Bitterness<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Chapter 10 - Coveting<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Part
4 - Adjusting our Grip on the Iron Rod<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Chapter 11 - Loving Yourself First<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Chapter 12 - Crying Out - Accessing
the Power of Heaven<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Chapter 13 - Living in the Spirit<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Chapter 14 - Surviving the Holidays<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Part
5 - What We Know For Sure<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Chapter 15- The Promises<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Chapter 16 - Trusting in the Bigger
Picture</span><b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></b></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #212225; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Revelations 21: 4-5<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">And
God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more </span></i><span style="color: black; mso-color-alt: windowtext;"><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/nt/rev/21?lang=eng#note4a"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; text-decoration: none;">death</span></i></a></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">, neither </span></i><span style="color: black; mso-color-alt: windowtext;"><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/nt/rev/21?lang=eng#note4b"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; text-decoration: none;">sorrow</span></i></a></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">, nor crying, neither shall there be any more </span></i><span style="color: black; mso-color-alt: windowtext;"><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/nt/rev/21?lang=eng#note4c"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; text-decoration: none;">pain</span></i></a></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">: for the former things are passed away.</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">And
he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things </span></i><span style="color: black; mso-color-alt: windowtext;"><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/nt/rev/21?lang=eng#note5a"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; text-decoration: none;">new</span></i></a></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">.</span></i></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "caveat"; font-size: 24.0pt;">Part
One - Waiting</span></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Ladies in Waiting/Patience and Promises<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></span></b></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I've promised a very important person to write about what happens
to a Latter-Day Saint girl that waits until she’s over 40 to get married in a
culture that puts marriage on the pedestal just short of "endure to the
end." In a modern gospel, with a membership of women growing</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"> faster than<span style="color: black;"> men...not all the kernels of corn will </span>fulfill the
measure of their creation<span style="color: black;">, if you know what I'm
saying. (I just can't bring myself to use the cliché "old maids.")
But the stigma is still there. I felt/feel it. I cried, alone in my bed for
years while I watched my siblings and students marry, get pregnant and start their
families right in front of me. I wanted </span>that life<span style="color: black;"> so much! Though I appreciated their love, I hated anyone feeling sorry
for me...bless their hearts, </span>I was tired<span style="color: black;"> of
their encouragement and attempts to protect my feelings. I wanted to punch the
next person who told the 23, then 27, then 34, then 40 year-old me that if I
stayed righteous, I would be able “to be married in the next life,” and that I
was s</span>uch an <span style="color: black;">awesome wo</span>man that<span style="color: black;"> surely “God was saving one of the Stripling Warriors” just
for me. <o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">That may have worked on the faithful mid-century saints. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">But I was neither mid-century nor a saint.</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I had access to the internet sometime around my 27<sup>th</sup>
year. I was one of the original six members of LDSSingles.com. Just kidding.
But I was so lonely and considered myself a modern </span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Latter-day <span style="color: black;">pioneer in my own mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I was in those chat rooms and dating people that I met “online” when you
said “I met him online” with a sheepish lowering of the head and a dark smile.
That was just not an acceptable way to meet someone at the time. Didn’t the
church provide you with all those singles wards, dances and firesides? I must
not have stayed for the “…Mix and Mingle. You’ll never be married if you don’t
stay for the Mix and Mingle.” I can still hear it in my head.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Those days are gone. Today, we don’t even blink </span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">when using<span style="color: black;"> the internet to connect us – even continents apart. I
don’t think I’ve ordered something from Amazon.com unless I can get it in two
days or less. </span>D<span style="color: black;">on’t I wish I could check th</span>e
“Prime”<span style="color: black;"> box when I pray? Wow! That would be great!
Unfortunately, God isn’t on “prime” time. We are a society of<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>N.O.W. and that isn’t bad, but as the modern,
single, LDS population is tested on God’s time, we are seeing more and more of
them give up and succumb </span>to loneliness<span style="color: black;"> without
finishing their ordinances. Many of them are walking away from their covenants
altogether</span> - and that’s just in my circle of friends and family.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">This world is a tough place to live in. Life is hard. Loneliness
wears you down and down…and down. Having a partner in battle seems wise, after
all my dad always said, “safety in numbers.” It would be so much easier to go
through this life with someone else. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">But
that might not be God’s plan for us. He might need our skills somewhere else,
despite the constant promises from the pulpits saying: “...<span style="color: #212225;">there is <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">nothing
more important </b>in this world than participating so directly in the work and
glory of God, in bringing to pass the mortality and earthly life of His
daughters and sons, so that immortality and eternal life can come in those
celestial realms on high...</span>”<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Documents/Ladies%20in%20Waiting%20Lenovo/Ladies%20in%20Waiting%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip.docx#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><sup><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[1]</span></sup></b><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a> With
that said - over and over it seems, there is nothing that makes me feel more
worthless than my empty dining table. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">This book is called "Ladies in Waiting" in reference to
my deepest desire –to be a mother – and my background in Shakespearean studies.
</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I<span style="color: black;">t is a book for everyone that has felt at one point or
another, the vast emptiness of the universe that seems to give and give to some
and ignore…you…I know because it happened to me. It still happens to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I’m
no expert on mental health. I’m an expert on adjusting my grip on the Iron Rod.
I have a rock solid testimony that no one knows me better than God and I am His
child.<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Documents/Ladies%20in%20Waiting%20Lenovo/Ladies%20in%20Waiting%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip.docx#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><sup><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[2]</span></sup></b><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a> How
easily we forget this. How easily we forget that there are three other members
of our team – God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost, and we are their “work and
their glory!<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Documents/Ladies%20in%20Waiting%20Lenovo/Ladies%20in%20Waiting%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip.docx#_ftn3" name="_ftnref3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><sup><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[3]</span></sup></b><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a> Our
worth is intrinsically Godlike and they are working as fast as mankind’s<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>free will allows but... that’s not what we
Saturday’s Warriors like to hear. So then there’s the cliché, that old “don’t
give up what you want most for what you want now” that we used to hear in
Sunday school. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Wish
it wasn’t… <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">…true.
<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">And
yet, God has given all of us the opportunity to veer away from Him. Some of you
will watch others take that opportunity and be smart enough to learn life’s
lessons vicariously through those of us that recklessly, joyously tested our
agency at warp speed. Mercifully, it is through the Atonement of Jesus Christ
that every single one of us will live eternally and we will have a chance to
understand the mysteries of Heaven long after we have passed through this life.<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Documents/Ladies%20in%20Waiting%20Lenovo/Ladies%20in%20Waiting%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip.docx#_ftn4" name="_ftnref4" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><sup><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[4]</span></sup></b><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a> And
that, my friends, is a long, long time to live, and yet, for some of us, living
until tomorrow might be a long, long time to live. I had that time too. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Well
- I finally did get married and then after nine failed pregnancies, I had had
enough. It was in 2012 that <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had to stop waiting for my joy to arrive and
rescue me.</b></span></i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I
took the initiative to start taking all the heavy metaphorical rocks out of my
pockets so that I could rise above my darkness. When that happened, and I will
talk about that extensively in the book, my day became a week, my week a decade
and my decade became a book about the hardest thing of all - waiting. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Let’s
endure another day, together and with a sense of humor. Let’s endure the
singularity, the infertility, the divorce, the trials. For <span style="color: #212225;">“As man now is, God once was: “As God now is, man may
be.”</span><a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Documents/Ladies%20in%20Waiting%20Lenovo/Ladies%20in%20Waiting%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip.docx#_ftn5" name="_ftnref5" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn5;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><sup><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[5]</span></sup></b><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a> and <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">He is there… waiting </b>…just like us.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-family: "caveat"; font-size: 24.0pt;">Chapter 1 - A Tradition of the Unexpected</span></i></b></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">“Because of our traditions, everyone
knows who he is and what God expects him to do.”<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Documents/Ladies%20in%20Waiting%20Lenovo/Ladies%20in%20Waiting%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip.docx#_ftn6" name="_ftnref6" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn6;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><sup><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[6]</span></sup></b><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Fiddler on the Roof was the first
musical I was ever in. 1978. I played Yente the Matchmaker. Hilarious. Ironic
in so many ways. It was also the first play I ever directed as a young teacher
at Mountain Ridge Junior High School. I had a 14 year-old skinny-as-a-rail,
red-headed Tevye that we padded, bearded, and sprayed. He looked a little like
an orange with toothpicks for hands sticking out. He was fantastic. My heart!
Just thinking about that cast of 100 junior high kids each holding a candle and
singing “Sabbath Prayer” in all those harmonies…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">May the Lord protect and defend you.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">May He always shield you from shame.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">May you come to be<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">In Israel a shining name.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">May you be like Ruth and like Esther. </span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">(Tevye has 5 daughters in the musical)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">May you be deserving of praise.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Strengthen them, Oh Lord,<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">And keep them from the strangers' ways. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">May God bless you and grant you long lives.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">(May the Lord fulfill our Sabbath prayer for
you.)<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">May God make you good mothers and wives.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">(May He send you husbands who will care for
you.)<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">May the Lord protect and defend you.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">May the Lord preserve you from pain.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Favor them, Oh Lord, with happiness and peace.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Oh, hear our Sabbath prayer.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Amen.</span></i><a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Documents/Ladies%20in%20Waiting%20Lenovo/Ladies%20in%20Waiting%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip.docx#_ftn7" name="_ftnref7" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn7;" title=""><sup><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[7]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></span></sup></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Though it was written by Joseph
Stein and sung in a Broadway musical, I have carried this prayer with me all my
life. You wouldn’t think there was much “protecting and defending” that needed
to be done of a girl that grew up in the shadow of Mount Timpanogos, Utah
County - the very heart of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I
can truly say myself, that “because of our traditions, everyone knows who he is
and what God expects him to do.” Well, I can say that about myself. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">My grandmother was a member of the
Daughters of the Utah Pioneers. I was baptized when I was eight and so were all
six of my siblings. Because my dad was a school teacher, we didn’t have much,
but we had him. He had our same vacations and we used them well. My mom stayed
home and raised the brood on a teacher’s salary (and several other jobs). We
were taught that God didn’t want us to smoke or drink alcohol. We didn’t own a
coffee maker. We were admonished to get an education because knowledge is the
only thing we will take with us in the next life.<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Documents/Ladies%20in%20Waiting%20Lenovo/Ladies%20in%20Waiting%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip.docx#_ftn8" name="_ftnref8" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn8;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[8]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a> But
perhaps the commission that the Latter-day Saints are known for most of all, is
that we save the God-created act of sex for marriage. It’s only after that big
fat reception in the Cultural Hall, that we create big families because we
believe that we have the proper authority to seal families together for the
eternities - create families of children who will create families who create
families… It was Elder D. Todd Christofferson that truly enlightened me about
families as a “<span style="color: #212225;">link in the chain of the
generations,” and </span>as a “post of responsibility toward the world and
mankind.”<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Documents/Ladies%20in%20Waiting%20Lenovo/Ladies%20in%20Waiting%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip.docx#_ftn9" name="_ftnref9" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn9;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[9]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">My LDS family was so LDS-typical it
is our picture on Wikipedia next to the “Classic Latter-day Saint Culture”
entry. I believed every word of it growing up, and I not only looked forward to
the time I would create my own celestial family, I had it all planned out. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">After high school I would pursue a
degree in teaching drama while secretly pursuing someone (rich!) that would sit
at the head of my dining table for eternity. Ambitious husbands were found in
college. Because my dad was raised by a single mom, my parents are keenly aware
of the pressures of the modern world, they believed that a college degree would
be a great backup plan for a woman in case her husband died in a terrible crash
on the way to supervising Girl’s Camp, leaving you and your five kids behind.
You would then dust off your degree, get a job teaching school and endure to
the end gracefully… independently. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Thus, “get the sheep skin, just get
that sheep skin,” was the mantra we heard from my dad starting the day we
entered public school. Still not sure what a sheep skin is, but I imagine it’s
what BYU diplomas were engraved on back in the pioneer days. Just kidding dad!
(Yep! Turns out diploma’s used to printed on sheepskin, thanks Google!)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Notice that the degree was the
“backup plan.” The first and most noble calling for my dad’s four daughters was
to find an ambitious, worthy priesthood holder that would take care of us
through the eternities. Those kinds of men were found at the university.
Finishing your degree was the backup plan. It was never intended to be used for
full-time employment. Your FT employment would be your five kids. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">It was always the plan that after
you raised those five kids, and they were all in school themselves, you would
go back to college, finally finish <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">your </i>degree,
and then get your career going… right after you keel over dead from the
exhaustion of your life as a wife and mother of five. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">(Hopefully, wearing a backpack again
would invigorate you and not cause you to need back surgery at that point in
your life. Even if you did, your husband’s insurance would cover it fully. No
problem.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I digress.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Although I’m wrong to say all
Latter-day Saint families encourage their daughters to walk the path their
mothers trod. I would be a hypocrite to speak for the Saints in general because
that certainly isn't everyone's truth and that drives me nuts when people group
us together like we're mindless bleating sheep. N.U.T.S I tell you. Even in my
ultra-traditional family, I am that deep auburn sheep that created her own path
by dancing to the beat of a snappy Broadway pit band. So I went to college
saying (out loud) "I'm going to have a career on Broadway!" BUT, my
inner monologue fully expected that I would only be at the university a couple
of semesters before I was picking out wedding colors, I hoped. (Which, by the
way, in 1985, were going to be dark green and maroon at the time FOR
SURE.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Three years and thousands of dollars
of student loans into the theatre degree, I was sick of school. I was also
confused. I thought I'd be married. I was raised to be married...NOT to be a
college graduate, just a college student. What would I do with an actual
degree? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I had trekked through a rocky bunch
of choices in my late teens and early 20’s while I was away from home. I also
studied some anti-religion material that was vehemently opposed to the
existence of a God for a while, but it lacked an emotional verification system.
I couldn’t ask anyone of any authority if it was true and anytime I asked God
if He was there, He sure was. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Naturally, when you come into the
mists of darkness, you search for light eventually. I had seen missionaries
come back with their feet firmly planted in gospel sod and covered in spiritual
armor. They seemed so happy - happiness seemed to ooze from their pores. I
wanted what they had. I felt, for questioning His existence and doing a few
things that were outside the realm of true discipleship, that I should serve an
LDS mission. I also wanted an experience that would turn me inside out every
day! And Heavenly Father, did not disappoint. He sent me to the Buddhists; it
was a hard sell. Jesus Christ is like an ancient, crazy fable there. I learned
a language that sounds like popcorn popping, we rode bikes in skirts. We
endured hundreds of mosquito bites, chicken foot soup and 100% humidity. Did I
say humidity? I meant H.U.M.I.L.I.T.Y. It was exactly what I needed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Sister missionaries had terrible
reputations in the 80's. You were, er... you felt like...the leftovers. The
girls that failed at their first mission: find a husband in college. You were
what we termed "a special spirit." You wore sensible shoes, prayed
entirely too much, cried WAY too much, always got put in charge of the food at
Zone Conference. I however, had a "National Geographic" kind of
mission. The Lord protected me and taught me things that I could never learn
sitting in a college classroom. I had set out to pay a debt to my Heavenly
Father. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I only ended up in more debt.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Secretly, I also looked at a mission
as an opportunity to find my future mate in one of the Elders that I served
with. They were super smart (they had to be) and had great survival skills
including a powerful sense of humor (it was required in Hell.) I thought it
would be fun to be married to someone that spoke my language so that we could
talk about our children in front of them in Thai. How romantic. ?!?! I was so
young then. The important thing was, by the end of my mission my wedding colors
had changed to hot pink and dark green. FOR SURE.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I got back. I came away from the
experience ready for whatever the Lord would throw at me next. Truthfully, I
expected that the Lord would honor my service with some big blessings. I wanted
to find my eternal companion right away. It was my deepest desire. I was 23
years-old when I stepped off the plane from Thailand and I probably scanned the
crowd for an eligible man on the tarmac.<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i>The
short-term common denominators I had with the young men in my mission did not
last at home. So I went back to school even more confused than when I left. I
finished the degree, got the obligatory teaching certificate for my dad but I
was terrified inside that I might actually need it sooner than I thought. I
taught in Japan for a year, because I could. I started earning a living because
I had to, etc... I was (embarrassingly) O.N. M.Y. O.W.N. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I decided to see what the Japanese
education system had that we didn’t, so after graduation I took a job teaching
in a regular high school in Mori, Japan. I was able to go to church each week,
though it was 2 trains and a mile walk each way to get there. I didn’t
understand much of what was being said but the Spirit was ever present and I
knew it. I made great friends with the young American elders and a group of
single Saints that were doing the same thing I was doing. But the week between
seeing them was long. I was making great money and I was watching sumo
wrestling on TV just to fill my tiny Japanese apartment with noise. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I thought I would lose my mind. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">So I started writing about the
experience and it wasn’t long before I started realizing that even though I
felt like the modern LDS woman, all career-minded and independent, I was a
miserable modern LDS woman. I was excruciatingly lonely and I feared I was in a
deep depression that despite my own modern sensibility, I had failed my first
and real mission: I had not fulfilled the grand ordinance that seals (marries)
you to a companion … forever. And that little task eluded me for another
t.w.e.n.t.y. years.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">In retrospect what I didn’t realize
at the time was that God was handing me an astonishing and complete education,
a mind-blowing mission experience, true love for mankind, leadership
opportunities, world travel, confidence in independence, and total TRUST in
Him, imagine that! Because down the path....W.A.Y. down the path....he knew
what was being prepared and that I would need ultimate trust in Him when bigger
trials were to be put in front of me. In addition to blessings I cannot fully
comprehend, He gave me someone that was also sugar-popping to a Broadway pit
band and the rest is…well, I’ll tell you the rest as we go along. Turns out God
was just buying me some time!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">So, whenever people (that loved and
respected me) would say, “you are an incredible example of the modern LDS woman!
You are so independent! You go girl!” I would cringe inside because the real me
just wanted to be raising babies. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">The truth is I get depressed that I
didn’t get the traditional life I wanted and I work it out with baking,
gardening and creating stories on stage or paper. I’ve been a high school
drama, debate and English teacher since 1990. I’ve had to figure out that it
lifts me to make things grow - other people’s kids, bread, tomatoes, flower
seeds…I get a huge kick out of seeing that little seed germinate and poke it’s
head up out of the dirt. I see it every day in my classroom too and that’s what
keeps me going back. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I have identified that waiting for
things that are out of my control is the actual cause of my depression at its
worst. Waiting is so hard for me. Waiting is painful. Waiting can be
detrimental to my mental and spiritual health if I let it. It has made me do
dumb things at times. It has worn me down to bitterness and anger. They say
patience is a virtue and we are blessed “after the trial of our faith?”<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Documents/Ladies%20in%20Waiting%20Lenovo/Ladies%20in%20Waiting%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip.docx#_ftn10" name="_ftnref10" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn10;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[10]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a>
But...what does ‘after” mean? How long is that wait? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Anyway<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>- after decades of desperately crying to my
Heavenly Father to resolve my physical loneliness, in 2006 I was blessed to be
sealed to an incredible partner in the Timpanogos LDS Temple. My heart’s
desire! Problem solved. Right?! So close. That was just step two in the
tradition of the unexpected.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">****************************<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Two things here: because I was the
first child born of eight, I learned to cook at a very early age. I am obsessed
with cooking/baking and, professionally, I am a teacher. So I’m going to do two
non-traditional things here. I’m going to give you a recipe at the end of each
chapter and a homework assignment. I make up homework assignments (and recipes)
for myself all the time– you can do them with me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "caveat"; font-size: 24.0pt;">Recipe
for Chapter 1 - <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "caveat"; font-size: 24.0pt;">Chocolate
Chip Cookie Dough for One<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">I always advocate self-care while
waiting for anything. It helps me stay calm and focused. But self-care doesn’t
mean indulgence. Indulgence often leads to guilt and shame and we don’t need to
be adding that to our list of things we hate about ourselves today. So I’m
giving you my favorite recipe:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Cookie
Dough for ONE<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">2 T flour<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">1 T sugar<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">1 T brown sugar<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">A pinch of salt</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">2 T butter<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Mix together with chocolate chips or
raisins, butterscotch chips, nuts, coconut, just a litlttle of whatever else you
want to add to taste. Do not share. Not for sharing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-family: "caveat"; font-size: 24.0pt;">Homework
for Chapter 1 -</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<table border="1" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="MsoNormalTable" style="border-collapse: collapse; border: none; mso-border-alt: solid black 1.0pt; mso-border-insideh: 1.0pt solid black; mso-border-insidev: 1.0pt solid black; mso-padding-alt: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-table-layout-alt: fixed; mso-yfti-tbllook: 1536; width: 570px;">
<tbody>
<tr style="mso-yfti-firstrow: yes; mso-yfti-irow: 0;">
<td style="border: solid black 1.0pt; padding: 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt; width: 213.75pt;" valign="top" width="285"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-border-shadow: yes; mso-padding-alt: 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt; mso-pagination: none;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">In this column make a list of the
traditional blessings that exist in your life. For example...<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I grew up with strong parental leadership,
I have siblings, I have a dog, etc...</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
<td style="border-left: none; border: solid black 1.0pt; mso-border-left-alt: solid black 1.0pt; padding: 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt; width: 213.75pt;" valign="top" width="285"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-pagination: none;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">In this column make a list of the
non- traditional blessings that exist in your life. For example...<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I am still living with my parents, I have
more money than I know what to do with, I have 7 toes on my left foot, etc...</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="mso-yfti-irow: 1;">
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid black 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid black 1.0pt; padding: 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt; width: 213.75pt;" valign="top" width="285"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-border-shadow: yes; mso-padding-alt: 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt; mso-pagination: none;">
<br /></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid black 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid black 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-left-alt: solid black 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid black 1.0pt; padding: 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt; width: 213.75pt;" valign="top" width="285"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-border-shadow: yes; mso-padding-alt: 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt; mso-pagination: none;">
<br /></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="mso-yfti-irow: 2;">
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid black 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid black 1.0pt; padding: 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt; width: 213.75pt;" valign="top" width="285"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-border-shadow: yes; mso-padding-alt: 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt; mso-pagination: none;">
<br /></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid black 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid black 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-left-alt: solid black 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid black 1.0pt; padding: 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt; width: 213.75pt;" valign="top" width="285"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-border-shadow: yes; mso-padding-alt: 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt; mso-pagination: none;">
<br /></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="mso-yfti-irow: 3;">
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid black 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid black 1.0pt; padding: 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt; width: 213.75pt;" valign="top" width="285"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-border-shadow: yes; mso-padding-alt: 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt; mso-pagination: none;">
<br /></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid black 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid black 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-left-alt: solid black 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid black 1.0pt; padding: 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt; width: 213.75pt;" valign="top" width="285"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-border-shadow: yes; mso-padding-alt: 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt; mso-pagination: none;">
<br /></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="mso-yfti-irow: 4;">
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid black 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid black 1.0pt; padding: 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt; width: 213.75pt;" valign="top" width="285"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-border-shadow: yes; mso-padding-alt: 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt; mso-pagination: none;">
<br /></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid black 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid black 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-left-alt: solid black 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid black 1.0pt; padding: 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt; width: 213.75pt;" valign="top" width="285"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-border-shadow: yes; mso-padding-alt: 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt; mso-pagination: none;">
<br /></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="mso-yfti-irow: 5;">
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid black 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid black 1.0pt; padding: 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt; width: 213.75pt;" valign="top" width="285"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-border-shadow: yes; mso-padding-alt: 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt; mso-pagination: none;">
<br /></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid black 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid black 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-left-alt: solid black 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid black 1.0pt; padding: 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt; width: 213.75pt;" valign="top" width="285"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-border-shadow: yes; mso-padding-alt: 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt; mso-pagination: none;">
<br /></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="mso-yfti-irow: 6;">
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid black 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid black 1.0pt; padding: 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt; width: 213.75pt;" valign="top" width="285"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-border-shadow: yes; mso-padding-alt: 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt; mso-pagination: none;">
<br /></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid black 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid black 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-left-alt: solid black 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid black 1.0pt; padding: 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt; width: 213.75pt;" valign="top" width="285"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-border-shadow: yes; mso-padding-alt: 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt; mso-pagination: none;">
<br /></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="mso-yfti-irow: 7;">
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid black 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid black 1.0pt; padding: 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt; width: 213.75pt;" valign="top" width="285"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-border-shadow: yes; mso-padding-alt: 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt; mso-pagination: none;">
<br /></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid black 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid black 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-left-alt: solid black 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid black 1.0pt; padding: 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt; width: 213.75pt;" valign="top" width="285"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-border-shadow: yes; mso-padding-alt: 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt; mso-pagination: none;">
<br /></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="mso-yfti-irow: 8;">
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid black 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid black 1.0pt; padding: 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt; width: 213.75pt;" valign="top" width="285"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-border-shadow: yes; mso-padding-alt: 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt; mso-pagination: none;">
<br /></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid black 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid black 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-left-alt: solid black 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid black 1.0pt; padding: 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt; width: 213.75pt;" valign="top" width="285"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-border-shadow: yes; mso-padding-alt: 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt; mso-pagination: none;">
<br /></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="mso-yfti-irow: 9;">
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid black 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid black 1.0pt; padding: 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt; width: 213.75pt;" valign="top" width="285"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-border-shadow: yes; mso-padding-alt: 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt; mso-pagination: none;">
<br /></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid black 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid black 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-left-alt: solid black 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid black 1.0pt; padding: 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt; width: 213.75pt;" valign="top" width="285"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-border-shadow: yes; mso-padding-alt: 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt; mso-pagination: none;">
<br /></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="mso-yfti-irow: 10;">
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid black 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid black 1.0pt; padding: 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt; width: 213.75pt;" valign="top" width="285"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-border-shadow: yes; mso-padding-alt: 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt; mso-pagination: none;">
<br /></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid black 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid black 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-left-alt: solid black 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid black 1.0pt; padding: 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt; width: 213.75pt;" valign="top" width="285"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-border-shadow: yes; mso-padding-alt: 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt; mso-pagination: none;">
<br /></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="mso-yfti-irow: 11;">
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid black 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid black 1.0pt; padding: 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt; width: 213.75pt;" valign="top" width="285"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-border-shadow: yes; mso-padding-alt: 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt; mso-pagination: none;">
<br /></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid black 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid black 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-left-alt: solid black 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid black 1.0pt; padding: 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt; width: 213.75pt;" valign="top" width="285"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-border-shadow: yes; mso-padding-alt: 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt; mso-pagination: none;">
<br /></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="mso-yfti-irow: 12;">
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid black 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid black 1.0pt; padding: 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt; width: 213.75pt;" valign="top" width="285"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-border-shadow: yes; mso-padding-alt: 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt; mso-pagination: none;">
<br /></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid black 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid black 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-left-alt: solid black 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid black 1.0pt; padding: 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt; width: 213.75pt;" valign="top" width="285"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-border-shadow: yes; mso-padding-alt: 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt; mso-pagination: none;">
<br /></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="mso-yfti-irow: 13;">
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid black 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid black 1.0pt; padding: 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt; width: 213.75pt;" valign="top" width="285"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-border-shadow: yes; mso-padding-alt: 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt; mso-pagination: none;">
<br /></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid black 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid black 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-left-alt: solid black 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid black 1.0pt; padding: 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt; width: 213.75pt;" valign="top" width="285"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-border-shadow: yes; mso-padding-alt: 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt; mso-pagination: none;">
<br /></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="mso-yfti-irow: 14;">
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid black 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid black 1.0pt; padding: 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt; width: 213.75pt;" valign="top" width="285"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-border-shadow: yes; mso-padding-alt: 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt; mso-pagination: none;">
<br /></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid black 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid black 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-left-alt: solid black 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid black 1.0pt; padding: 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt; width: 213.75pt;" valign="top" width="285"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-border-shadow: yes; mso-padding-alt: 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt; mso-pagination: none;">
<br /></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="mso-yfti-irow: 15;">
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid black 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid black 1.0pt; padding: 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt; width: 213.75pt;" valign="top" width="285"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-border-shadow: yes; mso-padding-alt: 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt; mso-pagination: none;">
<br /></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid black 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid black 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-left-alt: solid black 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid black 1.0pt; padding: 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt; width: 213.75pt;" valign="top" width="285"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-border-shadow: yes; mso-padding-alt: 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt; mso-pagination: none;">
<br /></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="mso-yfti-irow: 16; mso-yfti-lastrow: yes;">
<td style="border-top: none; border: solid black 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid black 1.0pt; padding: 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt; width: 213.75pt;" valign="top" width="285"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-border-shadow: yes; mso-padding-alt: 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt; mso-pagination: none;">
<br /></div>
</td>
<td style="border-bottom: solid black 1.0pt; border-left: none; border-right: solid black 1.0pt; border-top: none; mso-border-left-alt: solid black 1.0pt; mso-border-top-alt: solid black 1.0pt; padding: 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt 5.0pt; width: 213.75pt;" valign="top" width="285"><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-border-shadow: yes; mso-padding-alt: 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt 31.0pt; mso-pagination: none;">
<br /></div>
</td>
</tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="mso-element: footnote-list;">
<!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><br clear="all" />
<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" />
<!--[endif]-->
<br />
<div id="ftn1" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Documents/Ladies%20in%20Waiting%20Lenovo/Ladies%20in%20Waiting%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip.docx#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[1]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Because She is
a Mother,</i>” Jeffery R. Holland, 1997<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn2" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://d.docs.live.net/ecb311d96386bacd/Documents/Ladies%20in%20Waiting%20Lenovo/Ladies%20in%20Waiting%20Adjusting%20Our%20Grip.docx#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><sup><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><sup><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[2]</span></sup><!--[endif]--></span></sup></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> Romans 8:16-17<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn3" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
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7, 1844, </span><a href="http://josephsmithpapers.org/paperSummary/discourse-7-april-1844-as-reported-by-wilford-woodruff"><span style="color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">j</span></a><a href="http://josephsmithpapers.org/paperSummary/discourse-7-april-1844-as-reported-by-wilford-woodruff"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">osephsmithpapers.org</span></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt;">.</span><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Stein, 1964</span><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Why Family</i>,” Ensign<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">, </i>April 2015<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br />JanHunsakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15091794687144885749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6939682088832127408.post-86585864669697165152020-04-05T13:17:00.000-06:002020-04-05T19:42:08.686-06:00Adjusting My Grip - INTRODUCTIONDuring the summer of 2019, I was compelled spiritually to spend the first three open weeks of the summer finishing a book I had started back in 1989. Over the years, I had scribbled a few words in its direction every year. But the impressions to finish it were getting seriously annoying. It felt like a huge weight I could not set aside anymore. I was now carrying it around with me every waking hour.<br />
<br />
So I spent 16 hours a day - from June 3 - July 7th 2019, putting it together. I started each day with a prayer that I would say what God wanted me to say, since obviously, He was interested in what I had written and knew that other people needed it too. Maybe it was only going to be one person. I was okay with that.<br />
<br />
But on July 7th I submitted it to a real editor at a Latter-day Saint based publishing house and about three months later - they rejected it.<br />
<br />
I kind of thought they would.<br />
<br />
Some of it is still too controversial for the Mormons. Like me calling myself a Mormon a few times. It happens and I'm okay with it. I'm not an Apostle of the LDS church. I'm just a plain old member who struggles with some of its tenets, but the flame of my faith is strong and for whatever reason - as I wrote, the burden of the book was being lifted from me. There was a constant feeling of approval I had as I wrote. I called it the "DIVINE DUMP." If I prayed to know what to write - it just fell out of me. My heart was enlarged. I was guided to resources. I felt that my commitment to it was being reciprocated by the sustaining of angels. I wrote hours into the mornings until the angels went to bed. Then I did too. It was exhausting and uplifting.<br />
<br />
As I sit here, socially distancing myself from the public during the Covid-19 crisis, I feel a familiar surge to get the book out. But, I say to the voice, "it has nothing to do with this crisis!" But I guess it does. It's about waiting.<br />
<br />
In fact, the original title of the book was, for 20+ years, "Ladies in Waiting." And then I grew up and it wasn't all about me anymore. So now the book is called "Adjusting Your Grip." It is about 4 groups of people that WAIT and have questions of faith like me.<br />
<br />
So - anyway... THAT'S IT. I don't have a website - so I'm going to just post the book one chapter at a time here on the blog.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />JanHunsakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15091794687144885749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6939682088832127408.post-61262853113717592852017-02-06T22:32:00.002-07:002017-06-03T11:28:36.681-06:00Ladies in Waiting; Unfiltered<br />
<br />
<br />
When 19 Kids and Counting debuted on TLC, people thought they were Mormon. They aren't. They are "Independent Baptists" and have made up a religion of their own that includes allowing God to keep giving you children until your uterus falls out, I guess. I admire their tenacity and courage to stick to their convictions. If I could have 19 kids I would. I've had ten failed pregnancies in all and if it's true what the Mormons say, that those spirits will be given back to me in the next life, we are going to need a clown car! I can't wait!<br />
<br />
Mormons believe that the husband and wife nucleus is a celestial (forever) relationship and a family in and of itself. Beyond that, when Andy and I got married, we were counseled from our church leadership to "have as many kids as you feel physically and mentally capable of raising in the light of the gospel. The actual number is between you and God and no one else." (And God was looking over that conversation with one eyebrow cocked and a chuckle saying "Sugar, you are over 40 there is only so much I can do.") My parents had eight children, but as my siblings have married further and further into this nutsy millennium, they have had fewer and fewer children. Its pretty rare to see a baseball team with the same last name these days. Nevertheless, we are encouraged to get married and create families. The end. We Mormons have taken a lot, A LOT of crap over the tradition of our large families. To those people I say - "you're welcome for the Osmonds." To those of you raising a big, awesome, expensive, crazy, needy family I say "remember those of us that would kill for even 1 extra plate to set at dinner. You are amazing! I'm so jealous!! <br />
<br />
I've said it a million times, there is nothing I would rather do than stay home, raise my own children, tend a garden and cook for a multitude. I know it's not for everyone, apparently it wasn't even meant for me. But it's what I wanted to be when I grew up. Believe me, when that is all you think about for the first 40 years of your life... and you finally get married and YIKES it still doesn't happen for you, you fill your plate up with work, hobbies, travel, books and bitterness. So when the lesson that Sunday is on "Strengthening Your Relationship with your Children" and you are on miscarriage number 5...or 6....that's the last thing you want to learn about. Please don't tell me to apply the information to my kids at school, or "file it away for the future." There is only so much room in the filing cabinet of Jan's brain and those kinds of things that only fester bitterness...best for everyone that I leave the room. My mom used to warn me not to come. She would say "the lesson this week is on marriage, FYI." Which was code for: "your Sunday nap can start earlier than usual."<br />
<br />
My dad used to tell me that I was too defensive. He was so right. That piece of advice haunted me until I fully understood it, could see it, and was able to identify it myself as a character flaw. If I heard criticism of any kind, I immediately went into survival mode. I made excuses, I ran from the people that gave me the advice. I was wracked with personal insecurities. When I heard the truth, I recognized it and beat myself up over it. I spent my whole life trying to overcome stereotypes I believed society had put upon me. I was "put upon!" Oh no! Open the door marked "please offend me" and walk straight through it. I guess I was typical. I never wanted to admit that I was typical? Humpf! Dumb. <br />
<br />
Ironic that I became a theatre director because that door is always open. We create something, pick it to death, and then we put it out there for the public to criticize, subjectively. We read the review (that was probably written by someone that has no education in the difference between good and bad theatre) and we rant and rave when they dig at a production that we poured our hearts and hands into. "How dare they!? Art is subjective! They don't understand what we were trying to do! Morons!" It's as if the truth is a weapon, not a tool for improvement."<br />
<br />
So I have learned over the years of being childless in a heavily child-ed church, to keep my ears shut sometimes. If I let it affect me every time there was a lesson on family in the LDS church, I would simply never be able to go to my worship services! Heaven forbid I get offended by the cute mom in church that comments "motherhood is fantastic! I love it! It's eeeeeverything!" Those exact words came out of a woman's mouth in one of my Sunday meetings last week. Did I get up and walk out? No. I said in my mind: "<i>Stay in your chair, Hunsaker. You know she doesn't mean to offend you personally. She's saying it because it's true. You feel hurt by it because you want it too. She doesn't know that. She's not thinking about you. She doesn't have to think about you. She gets to say what she wants.</i>" And then I said out loud, "SHUUUUUT the fetch up you beast with the perfect ovaries and the precious baby slobber on your shoulder!" And THEN I walked out. <br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KH5rTj634UQ#action=share">Constipated Donkey</a><br />
<br />
<br />
JUST KIDDING!!!! Hehehehe!! I did no such thing. But I sure did think about it. And then I slapped my inner face, did the donkey braying sound effect in my mind and giggled a little. (Years ago one of my technicians found a "constipated donkey" sound effect that made us laugh for hours and I still bring it up sometimes. In my mind. It turns the moment into something I can bear.) <br />
<br />
What occurred to me as I matured, is that I didn't have to walk through that door in the first place. <br />
<br />
We are a society that is becoming increasingly worried about what we can and cannot say for fear of offending someone. There are laws, policies and procedures we change now to steer clear of discriminating against anyone that might be offended by the current laws, policies and procedures. I used to write theatre reviews, but I just can't anymore. Too many got offended by my honesty and I spend too many hours trying to craft a review that should have taken me ten minutes. But I didn't want to offend anyone that might set my house on fire or stop hiring me.<br />
<br />
Honesty is broken. We are seeing it in our highest level of government. It seeps down, or trickles down, if you will, to the generation that is not only seeing and hearing it, but STUDYING it. This group of students is learning that there is no wrong way to define honesty. They don't know who to trust. They don't know what is right to say anymore or wrong...and it's a lot of pressure to live on that tightrope. Tact is a lost art, it's easier to say "I have no filter, sorry! Ha ha!! Not sorry." And move on like having no filter is just part of you, the cute, the trendy, "oh-there-she/he-goes-again, that silly billy with no filter! Isn't that so modern! You go! Exercise those rights, baby!" kind of person.<br />
<br />
We will learn soon enough, I fear, that saying the first thing that comes to our heads isn't cute or bold or trendy. Sometimes it might feel heroic but so did lighting an ant hill on fire when I was 9. Heroic to everyone - except the ants. Sometimes it's painful and dangerous. It create narcissism...and hatred, which is exactly what we don't need right now.<br />
<br />
Last week I called a kid on the carpet for saying the F-word in class. He said "Sorry, I don't even think about it anymore. I have no filter." To which I replied, "the filter is what makes us different from animals." "I'm an animal then," he replied. (Cue donkey-braying in my head).<br />
<br />
I digress, as usual. I had a point, I really did! Oh, yeah...think before you speak....<br />
<br />
When I started writing my blog, I expected that there would criticism and offense for the vivid and honest picture of what it's like to have 10 miscarriages. But what I got was a lot of "thank you for posting your true feelings, even if it was hard. I have struggled too...etc..." It has been so good to find a community of people that get it.<br />
<br />
There are also those out there that have sent me advice. And as I said earlier, I struggle with "free" advice sometimes. If I want advice, I'll seek it out, or pay for it...even pray for it. But when it comes at you like someones golden epiphany... God bless 'em, they mean well. I know they do. But on behalf of everyone that has ever been a childless Mormon, or even had three kids instead of 13, please read this list and add them to your social graces.<br />
<br />
<b><i><u>Top Ten Things You Should Never Say to a Childless, Married Mormon Couple:</u></i></b> (and what I wish I could say back) <br />
<br />
<br />
10. "Be grateful. You always get to pee alone."<br />
<br />
<br />
<i> Why do people say this like its some kind of badge of honor? The dogs used to jump on me too...then I CLOSED THE DOOR. How hard is it?!</i><br />
<br />
9. "Well you get to sit through an entire church meeting without being bugged by our kids. I wouldn't know how that feels. It's been a long time since I felt the Spirit."<br />
<br />
<i> Oh no, your kids do bug me. ;-)</i><br />
<br />
8. "Oh you have dogs instead...cute."<br />
<br />
<i>Nope. Not cute. A real, live, giving and receiving relationship akin to having children, but less trouble. We rescued our dogs from abuse and they rescued us from a double suicide. I'd say the trade was pretty even. </i><br />
<br />
7. "Think about this positively - you'll never have to take a child to the hospital, or wait for them to come home at night. You won't even have to pay for their college tuition! Lucky!"<br />
<br />
<i>Yeah, yeah...give me a bumper sticker "My child is on the honor roll...in HEAVEN." Awkward!</i><br />
<br />
6. (Trying to be so positive!) "You must have so much time on your hands! How would that be?!"<br />
<br />
<i>Time? What's that? </i><br />
<br />
5. What's the hold up? 10 years and you still don't have kids?<br />
<br />
<i>"We had a bunch of kids but we gave them back. It was too hard. They needed so much all the time. Gah! That's no way to live." </i><br />
<br />
4. (To Andy one day in the temple) "There's no reason you can't get pregnant! I can give you some essential oils that will solve your little fertility problem. I have a pamphlet in my locker downstairs..."<br />
<br />
<i>What Andy wishes he could have said: My wife lost the lower half of her body in a freak accident. Have anything for that? </i><br />
<br />
3. "Have faith. It will happen when you least expect it." <br />
<br />
<i>Bah! Not with these ovaries it won't. </i><br />
<br />
2. "Have you thought about foster care? There are so many great kids out there that need awesome people like you in their life! And if it doesn't work out you just get different kids. Plus at the end of the month someone hands you a check for keeping your basement full.<br />
<br />
<i> So it's like a library system? Kids with bar-codes and due dates? If you don't like them you can just exchange them out for better ones? And if they don't like me? They just get to choose better parents too? I have a big basement - is there a check out limit or can I get 8 at a time?</i><br />
<br />
1. Have you thought about adoption?<br />
<br />
<i> Nope. Didn't cross my mind until you said right then! What were we thinking? Adoption! That's the answer. I'll go get me a whole bunch of them kids they have fer sale. </i><br />
<br />
<br />
Don't say I didn't teach you anything today. <br />
<br />
<br />
I don't mean to be so snarky. Adoption is certainly a blessed answer and that system has created a lot of incredible families...(Heidi and Tim I'm talking to YOU) But when I aged out of LDS Family Services it struck a deep and pitiful chord in me. When I was in 5th grade I saw the mom of one of my classmates and she had gray hair. I asked my friend why her grandma picked her up from school every day. It was like asking a woman post-pregnancy when her baby was due. I was only 10. I still remember her ten year-old horrified face: "that's my MOM!" Sigh. Do I want to be 75 when my child crosses the podium to get her high school diploma? There's a reason adoption agencies have an age limit.<br />
<br />
The truth of the matter is this: we have prayed, fasted, gone to adoption conferences, seriously looked into the foster program...and we always promised each other, Andy and I, that if one of us was really struck by the Spirit to adopt or foster, we would in a second.<br />
<br />
I've spent so much time on my knees about the ache in my heart and how to fill it! One night I cried out to the Lord for 3-4 hours straight. I plead for him to fill my heart with...with...something! Eventually I slept. When I woke up I wondered why I had a headache. I went all day trying to figure out the trigger for my headache. Then as I was getting ready for bed the next night, I walked by the guest room and there were all these pillows on the floor and I suddenly remembered my night of begging. I realized that that wasn't the first time I'd had a true stupor of thought. That re-direction of thought! How powerful! What a blessing. I had been functioning all day. I had been lifted! My heart was light. I knew everything was going to be okay...no matter what.<br />
<br />
So when I get those horrible questions from well-meaning friends and family, I am able to say, with faith, "Father, I need to forget that." It is usually accompanied by a jarring silent scream in my head and a wicked laugh that only I can hear, thank goodness. But then...I forget. I have a testimony that the stupor of thought is REAL! I also testify that my specific trials have thickened my thin skin. They have taught me lessons unique to my weaknesses. They have helped me learn to laugh. They have helped me walk into my classroom full of foster kids each day and think "wow - from what rock did you emerge my worthless little Neanderthals?"<br />
<br />
But I don't say it out loud. Some things are better left unsaid.<br />
<br />
The moral of today's lesson for those of us not privileged or choosing to walk the beaten path: We can be offended or we can put that donkey sound effect on our phone and play it over and over again in the church bathroom while we wait for the last bell to ring.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
There I go, giving away my secrets again.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Shhhhhhh.<br />
<br />JanHunsakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15091794687144885749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6939682088832127408.post-84270581642012589302016-09-28T10:14:00.001-06:002016-09-28T10:14:30.010-06:00Salem Hills High School FEASTE<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/edwfMu-THC0" width="480"></iframe>JanHunsakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15091794687144885749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6939682088832127408.post-90861254504401286312016-05-20T15:21:00.000-06:002019-06-06T10:52:06.869-06:00Happy Mother's Day You Stupid Teenager<div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HBal5fq3R84/Vz95X1NX-_I/AAAAAAAAG4c/0zLTfs59lZQuP8ecVQIHYZU6vW7qlFZFgCKgB/s1600/20160405_151553.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HBal5fq3R84/Vz95X1NX-_I/AAAAAAAAG4c/0zLTfs59lZQuP8ecVQIHYZU6vW7qlFZFgCKgB/s320/20160405_151553.jpg" width="177" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This kid....</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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I've never thought of myself as a jealous person. I don't begrudge or wish ill will on anyone because they have more stuff than I do. I wanted a husband for a long time but I was sincerely happy for all my siblings when they beat me to the alter. I've wanted my own children since I was 12, but I don't plot the kidnapping of some baby in Walmart. Our friends have some amazing babies right now and I stalk them all on Facebook but that's a close as I go. </div>
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fgVXLsgHaJU/Vz3qNVQCJQI/AAAAAAAAG38/NPBI_m1wYF0KlqjLZW2n_cvQLB9V1h6tQCLcB/s1600/Fiona.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fgVXLsgHaJU/Vz3qNVQCJQI/AAAAAAAAG38/NPBI_m1wYF0KlqjLZW2n_cvQLB9V1h6tQCLcB/s200/Fiona.jpg" width="128" /></a></div>
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I'm about to get a brand new niece named Ruby and I can hardly wait!!! I'm truly happy for everyone that has been able to add kid stuff to their home and more chairs around the dinner table. Our dinner table is the drop off for bags, keys, mail...We never eat at the table because there is a pervading feeling that people are missing. Still, I don't covet as you would think of traditional coveting I guess. Babies are the flowers of the human race. I just love their smell, their little round soft faces and maybe it's because I'm a teacher, I love being able to see their learning curve minute by minute as they process and decode <i>everything</i>, moment to moment. I just love that.<br />
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_mphrcCpnM0/Vz3pTLHT91I/AAAAAAAAG30/jhPU9vLbU4kKb4aiiOKX2wthe1Yc0KH8ACLcB/s1600/Matilda.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="132" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_mphrcCpnM0/Vz3pTLHT91I/AAAAAAAAG30/jhPU9vLbU4kKb4aiiOKX2wthe1Yc0KH8ACLcB/s200/Matilda.jpg" width="200" /></a>That being said, it doesn't take away my bitterness. Bitterness is a pool in my heart that I sometimes swim around in. Yes - I have considered drowning myself in it a few times, but I have a prescription that just reaches out and rescues me from those moments. Generally speaking I wish everyone on earth a full and happy family. There is nothing more important to the fabric of society than the family. </div>
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<br />
<br />
Mother's Day however, is one of the days I suit up for the pool. It is, without a doubt, my least favorite holiday. I focus on my own mother, who is a saint, and the good teachers and neighbors that helped raise me. But my bitterness only lasts a few weeks, from the first FTD floral ad on TV to the last. </div>
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Today is the Thursday before Mother's Day 2016 and during my prep period I drove up to our new property and there was a giant back hoe digging the hole for our new home. WHAT A GREAT DAY!!! We've waited since January 30th for this day. I dropped big tears of giddy joy.<br />
<br />
As I was walking back in the school building one of my students was coming toward me arm in arm with a friend, I presume, and holding her stomach. As she approached I could see that she had been crying. This is not new for this particular student so I found myself saying "oh no, what now?" as she came toward me.<br />
<br />
Student: Jan, can I talk to you in private?<br />
Jan: Sure.<br />
Student: I...um...really screwed up. I was stupid and I...well...I had sex...<i>(the most awkward pause ever in my life. I don't know why she is giving me this much information. I'm sure I looked dumbfounded and uncomfortable.)</i><br />
Jan: Okaaaaay...<br />
Student: And now I am paying for the consequences <i>(she literally looks down at her stomach) </i><br />
<i> (I cock my head to one side and raise an eyebrow - still confused at why she is telling me this.)</i><br />
Student: I'm pregnant. (S<i>he said it as if I didn't know what she was talking about.)</i><br />
Jan:<i> </i> I get it.<br />
Student: So that's why I wasn't in class today and that's why I don't have my book report done.<br />
Jan: How did getting pregnant prevent you from doing your book report exactly?<br />
Student: <i>(Looks down the hall...she didn't think I would call her on that I guess) </i>I've been having some wicked cramps...I just can't be in school. It makes it really hard to concentrate. My counselor will be contacting you to excuse me from my work.<br />
Jan: I'll let them excuse your absence, but you still need to hand in your missed work.<br />
Student: <i>(she starts to tear up) </i>Okay, whatever.<br />
<br />
Then she turned around and walked off with her friend <i>(who was also crying because that's how girls are)</i>, head bowed and hand still on her stomach. I just stood there.<br />
<br />
When you are a drama teacher, you find yourself listening through tears to boys that want to come out, but feel like they will be ostracized by their families. This is my world and I'm comfortable in it. But this pregnancy business is a whole new thing for me.<br />
<br />
My thoughts came in starts and stops but not immediately. I stood there for a full minute before I processed anything at all, then slowly I put one leg into the pool of bitterness, and then another and finally waded down in up to my chin...the pain was acute and sharp like I had had the wind knocked out of me. I stood there, in the empty hall. I felt a flaming wave of jealously come over me. I felt a wicked anger rising from my belly to my throat and down my arms. I made fists. I wanted to hit something. I wanted to crawl in a hole. I wanted to melt into nothingness.<br />
<br />
Finally, coherent thoughts came...<br />
<br />
<i>"...Wish I could have stayed home from school every time I felt crappy in a pregnancy."</i><br />
<br />
<i>"...Can I have it?"</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>"Happy Mother's Day you stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid....lucky teenager. Damn you and your spanking new ovaries."</i><br />
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And then finally...<br />
<br />
<i>"Maybe you'll get lucky and have a miscarriage..." </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
And that response surprised me because I would never wish a miscarriage on anyone. Even a stupid teenager. But I was heating up like furnace inside. Which also surprised me. I just couldn't blow it off like I do most things teenagers tell me....just kidding...not kidding. It played so vividly in my mind for several hours after it happened like I'd gotten up from a bad nightmare that wouldn't dissipate.<br />
<i><br /></i>
And just like that my day went from HERO to ZERO. The remaining 10 minutes of my prep I spent logging on to my blog and getting it out of my system and onto this magical digital paper. I can't swim in the pool of bitterness for long or I end up eating my way out of it. Blogging is easier on the arteries. I immediately started craving a bread bowl from Kneaders like a typical crack head.<br />
<br />
I spent the day reeling from my conversation with the pregnant teenager. I realize that I have at last figured out my kryptonite where jealousy is concerned. Pregnant teenagers. Anyone else in the world can be pregnant and I look at them with fond admiration and I know how exciting a time it is and what sacrifices are being made to bring that child into the world. I am in awe of the entire process.<br />
<br />
But apparently...<br />
<br />
pregnant teenagers...<br />
<br />
... make my blood boil.<br />
<br />
I just want to clarify - this isn't their fault. This is my fault. I just didn't know how it would destroy me. In 25 years of teaching I have never had a student tell me that they were pregnant. Gay, addicted to drugs, homeless...but never pregnant. I think it's because I teach kids that do a lot of extracurricular activities and honestly they don't have much time to tempt biology by "screwing up" (if you will). <br />
<br />
According to the Department of Adolescent Health, there were 249,786 babies born in 2014 to teenagers. That is 24.2 births for every 1000 adolescents. This is good news actually because in 1991 - there were 61.8 for every thousand. Still, the teen birth rate is one of the highest of all the developed nations - much higher in fact than Canada, Great Britain, France or Japan. It makes me wonder if those countries just perform more abortions. Don't get me started about abortion.<br />
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Luckily for me, my pregnant student transferred to a school that will help her graduate. That's good for her and me. I told her friend that if [my student] decides not to keep it that I would gladly take it off her hands, but she said "Yeah, I heard she's going to sell it," which sounds bad but in teenager language probably means put it up for adoption. At least I hope that's what it means.<br />
<br />
Ahhhh...it's been a few years now since I've been pregnant myself and my heart has mended itself pretty well. I didn't know there was still that one little oozing wound. This experience lifted me right off my feet and plopped me on my butt with a hard thump. I hope that I can come to terms with that in the future. Maybe the added pressure of Mother's Day made it worse because in the moment I wanted to break things but today I'm rational and I wish my student and her baby a happy life.<br />
<br />
If karma has its way, and it usually does, that baby will show up at auditions in 15 years and knock my socks off and I'll come directly to this blog and eat these digital words in front of the world. That would be my luck - see you in 15.<br />
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<br />
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JanHunsakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15091794687144885749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6939682088832127408.post-26050669839386454242016-04-25T09:23:00.002-06:002016-04-25T14:33:08.870-06:00Just Keep Swimming<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><i>This story is re-published from part of a blog I wrote four years ago. It seems to go right along with the "Amber" series. I found it this morning and as I read - it seemed to be exactly what I needed to hear today. Maybe somebody out there needs it too. </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Traditional Japanese Koinobori flying carp kites" height="250" src="http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/02867/Japanese-kite_2867725b.jpg" width="400" /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Ri</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">ght after graduation from SUU I took a job teaching high school in Japan to pay off my student loans. I didn't speak Japanese, but I had served an LDS mission to Thailand and I was no longer afraid of anything. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I was assigned to teach in a town called Mori-machi, in Shizuoka-ken. Mori was two train stops from civilization. It was dense with trees and had a small population of 10,000. I was so very alone and the solitude of it all, living by myself, not speaking the language, not having even one friend nearby, or a cell phone...!...magnified my singularity to the point where I was miserable and feeling abandoned by God in my true desire to be married and raising children by then.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Japanese school teachers all have the same big office. My desk, however, faced a big wall of windows with a beautiful view of a pine forest banked in bamboo.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I only taught three hours a day. I was four hours round-trip from another American, from anyone that I could really talk to. (My phone bill in December was $780) So, I spent a good deal of time contemplating the seasons as they changed before me through the windows. I watched the bamboo foreground evolve from bright green to deep golden yellow. I watched it bend with the wind until I thought it would snap in two, but it never did. I watched a house being built, and then a neighborhood was erected around the first house. New children played below the window where I sat and new mothers hung their laundry out every day in the country breeze. You'd have thought I was in Kansas, 1957. Except for the bamboo.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The Japanese are very good at taking care of their elderly. They almost always live as one big extended family. I watched new grandparents shuffle around in the streets, smile, bow to each other politely. The whole subdivision was created in about 3 months, tops.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The summer was hot and humid in Mori. I wished for my dad's big backyard and a hose. It was a relief when the winds started to blow, but also a happy surprise when families with new baby boys raised a string of giant wind socks, shaped like fish, called "koinoburi" in celebration of the birth. I had also seen extravagant doll displays in the homes of families that were blessed with a baby girl that year. Apparently we aren't the only country with a gender stereotype issue. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">This year in Japan was especially fun for the new neighborhood and their two new baby boys. On the first really windy day, I watched two sets of grandparents unfold these giant wind socks, some of them 20 feet long, and attach them to a rope which was diagonally strung from a peg in the ground up to the top of a telephone pole.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Almost immediately all of the giant swimming fish inflated with wind and took off. Black, gold, red, bright blue, green and purple... The intricate Oriental designs, the brilliant colors, gold and silver scales...amazing! It was a spectacular sight. I'm pretty sure the two families were having a contest to see who could get more fish on that line. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">After about a week of watching these schools of fish swim around, get tangled in each other, smack each other down, lay dormant without wind, I noticed that one of the smaller ones, added at the bottom, was very plain. It was a narrow, black, gray and white fish without decoration, Probably the only reason I even noticed it was because it was always "swimming." It had a bigger mouth than the other more ornate ones. It's design was shorter, more streamline, allowing it to swallow up the tiniest bit of wind and take off. But the fancy long heavy ones lay limping in the same small wind as if they were fighting for breath in the bottom of a Coleman cooler. Only the biggest gusts of wind would set them sailing.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I built up quite an empathy for the little gray sock. It had a plain wrapper, like me. It did more with less and constantly proved that more isn't necessarily more. I marveled at it's optimistic attitude as if to say "Hey! I might be plain, short and stout but if this was a race, I would be winning!" </span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">But the bigger fish always waited for more wind to motivate them, handicapped by their decorations and spectacle. </span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">They would whip into each other and tie themselves in knots until the little old ladies in the neighborhood would come out with their long bamboo poles and untangle them.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The little gray sock never got tangled or tied. It just swam all the time, and it would instantly change directions with the wind just like the bamboo behind it. It was cooperative, dedicated to its task, creative and optimistic.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I felt pretty sure that a higher power was trying to teach me something about the little gray wind sock. I've always felt bad that my physical self wasn't more ornate, more eye-catching. No amount of gold or silver embellishments will give me a waist or...a neck. ;-) It isn't easy to get the attention of (a man or) if you will only show your legs from the skinny part of your calf down. To add insult to injury, m</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">y eye surgeries, though saving my sight, have made me allergic to eye makeup, so I rarely use it and it really affects how I feel about myself. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">So I've worked hard to find and display other talents. To catch people off guard by entertaining them using wit and storytelling. </span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I've learned the art of "magnetizing the details" as my mom would say. It distracts people from my plain gray wrapper. </span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I preempt their perception of me with a portrait of someone that gets things done and can be counted on to bring creativity and optimism to the table when resources are slim (and I never have been)... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">...I am "always swimming." </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Blogging is great because...you can't see me. I'm safe behind the invisible interweb. For all you know, except that some of you do know me, I could be Quasimodo sitting here typing away. I could have some crazy physical defect like gills or a mermaid tail. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I don't have gills. But I do have a really big mouth. And I'm not afraid to use it, especially in this blog. I have used it to advocate for myself, for drama teachers, for my students and, on occasion, when I feel a great responsibility to stand up for the Mormons, I have tried to have a modern sensibility and be the voice of reason. Blogging has become a sanctuary for me. I'm very grateful to all who read, but it doesn't matter if you do. I will keep swimming.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">To anyone that ever sees themselves as a little gray fish in a big pond, keep swimming. Open your mouth and go where the wind points you. For me, it has provided <i>"blessing beyond my comprehension to receive."</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Joshua 1:9 - <i>Be strong of of good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed; for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou [swimmeth] goest." </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>JanHunsakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15091794687144885749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6939682088832127408.post-7216272447798617512016-04-24T10:12:00.001-06:002017-06-03T11:17:24.310-06:00Ladies in Waiting: Giving Up Amber, Part 3<div class="MsoNormal">
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UI3aSb-KceA/VxzvveYnZ8I/AAAAAAAAGwA/QLapvMipoQMJKlvgAkMikwEdM9zGNsawwCLcB/s1600/Me%2Bmeme.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UI3aSb-KceA/VxzvveYnZ8I/AAAAAAAAGwA/QLapvMipoQMJKlvgAkMikwEdM9zGNsawwCLcB/s400/Me%2Bmeme.jpg" width="223" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I stole the text from a meme I loved on Facebook. It fits. </td></tr>
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You may wonder why I am writing this thing about fat in the <i>Ladies in Waiting</i> section of my blog.
Well, I will make that point today. It wasn't until after I got my mental
"house in order" that I was ready to be loved. It wasn't until I gave
up Amber that I had the courage to shed my insecurities about my body. My body
didn't change but my mind sure did.<br />
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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When Andy’s weight reached 630
pounds I was tying his shoes for him. It was heart breaking and it scared me to
death. I started praying every single day that I would find a way to help him. But
I needed to remove the mote in my own eye first before I could help him. I
finally got the guts to do the new-fangled HCG diet and lost 60 pounds so Andy
decided to do it too.<o:p></o:p><o:p></o:p></div>
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Let me digress a little here…<o:p></o:p><o:p></o:p></div>
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On HCG you can only eat 500
calories a day. You are given a magic potion each morning or a shot, and it
cuts your hunger down. It didn’t work for Andy. The second time through the
regiment, I was fantasizing about caramel sticky buns. There must be a one shot
limit on this diet because the second time I did it I was licking salt off
French fries and throwing away the fries. I couldn’t move. Walking up the
stairs to our bedroom was like climbing Everest. I wanted to cry just at the
thought that I had to get up and walk somewhere. I could not function. But
because I wanted Andy to be successful I hung in there as long as I could. He
was also suffering but desperate. One day about 2 weeks into this magic snake
oil, we had come home from school and plopped ourselves down in our chairs and
DIED. I was praying to know what to do. The Word of Wisdom, the Mormon churches
health code came to my mind: “all things in moderation.” Was this not a severe
violation of moderation only in the guise of trying to get healthy? I started
to cry, I could not stop. I was exhausted! It was an ugly cry! But even the
crying was using up calories! I told Andy that I had been dreaming about a
caramel sticky bun that I would pass every time we would go and weigh ourselves
(we had to weigh at the GNC in the mall because our scale was too small). I let it all hang out! I told him that I had
licked the salt off a bunch of French fries…that I had taken a salt shaker to
work, that I chewed up an apple and S.P.I.T. I.T. B.A.C.K. O.U.T…I came clean.
We both cried. I told him that I felt crash dieting like this was definitely
against the Word of Wisdom. We drove immediately to the closest caramel sticky
bun. I guess we should have driven to the nearest salad bar but I thought the
sticky bun might get me to stop crying.<o:p></o:p><o:p></o:p></div>
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It did.<o:p></o:p></div>
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It seems
like in the media, when someone loses a lot of weight - they always ask
"What made you finally decide to do it?" And they always have a
specific moment when they hit rock bottom and they got the BIG motivation to
start and finish a diet. There have been lots of those days. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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It was the day we could not ride on
several of the rides in Disneyland that truly broke my heart.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The day that we broke the car seat.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The day that I got put on blood
pressure mediation...and then high cholesterol meds.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The day that I had to start tying
Andy shoes for him.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The day that we no longer fit in a
restaurant booth.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The day that I had a stroke.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The day our primary class said
"you almost don't fit through the door!"<o:p></o:p></div>
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The day that we lost Noah.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The day we were told that Andy was
"too specific" to be cast as Thenardier at Tuacahn.<o:p></o:p></div>
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It was the day...<o:p></o:p></div>
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The day...<o:p></o:p><br />
that one day....</div>
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<br /></div>
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Each time one of those things
happened, we would be on fire to start something new. We would do it for a month...and then life would hit us, a show, a big deadline...we'd go off the diet...feel crappy about ourselves and then start something new. The list of diets that we
both have tried is like looking at a list of people that have bullied you on
the playground.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->We’ve eaten all meat and cheese (and been
constipated for months)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->We’ve taken all traces of fat out of our diet...bring on the bagels and jolly ranchers...<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->We’ve eaten 500, 900, 1200 and 1500 calories a
day – (not all on the same day…usually)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->We’ve paid large sums of money for pre-packaged
food (you know you can eat two or three of those at a time and still not feel
full…interesting ;-0)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->We’ve taken Phen-Phen (that was a good one –
dang the people that abused it and got it taken off the market)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->We’ve been to weight doctors that gave us B-12
shots and made us listen to mind-altering tapes<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->We’ve tried Anorexia and Bulimia but it hurt my
throat too much…when I was a kid I was so jealous of the girls that made that
work.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->We’ve made spinach shakes with flax and other “sure
fire snake oils” that just create a tempest in your belly all day and make you
wonder “do I need to go to the bathroom right now or can I wait <a href="mailto:until...@*!#@"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">until... *~*!#@</span></a>! Nope! Can’t wait! AH...too late.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->We’ve gotten up at five in the morning to bask
in the sunrise and run with the dogs – who let’s face it – have three inch legs
and get distracted by interesting looking rocks, other dogs, butterflies…and
have to “mark” their territory every 15 feet. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->We’ve drunk our pay-checks in weight loss shakes
of ever kind only to eventually throw them up or run out of money<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->We ordered funky video systems, amazing blenders
(we have three) and most recently we ordered a video that promises you will
literally “dance your butt off.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->We’ve counted points, calories, steps (that’s
what we’re currently doing), ounces, carbs, glasses…you name it, we have a half
empty notebook full of all kinds of tracking systems (emphasis on the <i>half empty</i>).<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Then there is a list of magic pills
that promise you model-like bodies in 21, 45 or 90 days but in the end the
consequences are a long as the possible side-effects for Viagra and include:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Heart racing uncontrollably <o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Heart failure<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Leaking heart<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Leaking bum (you that have been there know what
I’m talking about)<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Stroke<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Birth defects in your children (this one will
haunt you for years to come)<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Constipation for months<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Pooping in your sleep in the middle of the night<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Vomiting <o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Crazy dreams<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Insomnia<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Inability to focus<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Inability to move<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Scary bright green pee that glows in the dark<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->Bikes, exercise equipment (or as we like to call
it at our house “the towel rack”)<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]-->And the list goes on and on…<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">The stuff from which you cannot turn back:</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7sYPATKGBy8/VxzoOQ2VrHI/AAAAAAAAGvI/mk5EIw2o_aMWXBceZgGTHN5EyN3WD7ZMwCLcB/s1600/Jandy%2Bi%2BCedar%2Bbreaks.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7sYPATKGBy8/VxzoOQ2VrHI/AAAAAAAAGvI/mk5EIw2o_aMWXBceZgGTHN5EyN3WD7ZMwCLcB/s320/Jandy%2Bi%2BCedar%2Bbreaks.jpg" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Pre- Bypass</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
Three years ago Andy underwent gastric bypass surgery
which is one of the hardest ways to lose weight but it is very effective. He
was miserable for months, just like any diet, but once he stabilized he had
lost 300 pounds and is no longer on any medications for anything. It changed
our lives. It saved his life. I will forever be grateful to the incredible team
at the University of Utah who took such good care of him, and never judged him
and worked their whole skinny lives to learn how to help us save his.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8yTxtHXreSs/VxzohAq0NQI/AAAAAAAAGvQ/JwJFiabk9doY9ZOTjD6TSr3FH7VmInBNQCLcB/s1600/Barnum%2Bwith%2BChristy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8yTxtHXreSs/VxzohAq0NQI/AAAAAAAAGvQ/JwJFiabk9doY9ZOTjD6TSr3FH7VmInBNQCLcB/s320/Barnum%2Bwith%2BChristy.jpg" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">1 year post-bypass</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Gastric Bypass isn’t the answer for
everyone. It’s expensive for some of us that don’t have fancy insurance ($25,000)
and it changes what you can and can’t eat for the rest of your life. But for
Andy, it was exactly right. I have seen my husband go from sitting in a chair
to running a 5K every day. If gastric bypass is something you are thinking
about, we are proponents of this life-saving surgery. I suspect, after we get
into our new house (we are building a house right now) that I will also do the
surgery at some point and we will both need additional surgeries to remove skin...it's a never ending battle.<br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Things we haven’t tried:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "symbol";">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span>LIPOSUCTION. I watched a documentary on that once and I just don’t think I want to be skinny in one area of my body and fat everywhere else. I recently was told by one of my students that she babysits for a lady that has “Sonobello” appointments every week which are like Lipo I guess but with a laser. I wonder how much that costs? I’d also like to try the “cool-sculpting” which is an FDA approved procedure where they freeze your fat by dropping the temperature of the skin down to where the fat cells die. You then eliminate those cells in “natural ways.” What does that look like? Why can’t I just fill a tub with ice and do it myself all at once? There’s a thought. Can I eat caramel popcorn during the procedure?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
The
problem is, even with surgery, the diet is NEVER "finished." Skinny or fat, we
will always be working on our health because after we reach the ripe old age of
whatever we are not growing a body anymore, we are losing it. The only way to
keep yourself from going crazy over it is to know what makes you feel like you
are progressing. I truly feel that as long as I am working on something, I
am okay in my head. I’m writing like weight is the only thing Jandy thinks
about – HA! I wish that was our only problem. <b><i><span style="font-size: large;">But the much bigger journey in
our house is whether or not we are actually moving forward…in life, in love, in
spirit. Sadly, how we feel about the shell that houses our spirit often casts a
shadow over all of those things.</span></i></b></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
Let us
not forget to wear out the journey doing other things and helping each other
through it…I want to talk about that next…but I gotta go teach a class. <o:p></o:p></div>
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JanHunsakerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15091794687144885749noreply@blogger.com